To have let my boys play outside with toy swords?

[cm100298]

My neighbour has just had a go at me about my boys playing outside and is now threatening to report them. They were playing with plastic swords pretending to fight and apparently they were making threats to people. I honestly dont know what to make of it. sorry if the typing is a bit dodgy my phones screen is cracked and its making it hard to type properly

dc (8 7 6 4) the older 3 were playing together and the little one was running around the field doing his own thing mostly. They were on the bit of enclosed grass opposite our house where they always play. its not someones garden and its fenced off from the road

we’ve only recently moved in and she’s never seemed to like them. She’s made comments before about them being noisy and has never been particularly friendly so I do wonder if she’s already decided theyre a nuisance and is looking for reasons to complain

It’s the first dry day we’ve had in days so they’ve been desperate to get out. They’ve been stuck in the house for days and were going a bit stir crazy. They took some toy swords and a plastic shield out with them and were playing some sort of battle game. Yes they were being loud but they werent damaging anything or bothering anyone deliberately as far as I knew

There werent any other children out there. It was just my four boys so they werent playing with or threatening anyone else. They were running around together and shouting as part of their game

My neighbour came over and said she was sick of them shouting and carrying on and that she’d heard them threatening to stab people with their swords. She said it was completely unacceptable and if I couldnt control them she’d report them. She mentioned the council and the police although I couldnt really tell if she was serious or just trying to scare me

she also said I was being unreasonable allowing the little one out there as well because he’s only little (he is small for his age aswell). But he was just running around the field and wasnt doing anything to anyone. I dont see why he should have to stay indoors when theres a safe enclosed bit of grass right opposite the house

I said theyre plastic toy swords and the boys are playing not actually going around threatening people. But if I’m honest I wasnt stood next to them the whole time so I cant swear blind about every single thing they said. I can hear them from the front window and check on them but I’m not right there listening to every word of their game

She was basically saying theyre old enough to know better and that its intimidating for other people to hear children shouting threats. I do understand that if they’ve actually said something nasty to somebody then thats not on but I dont know if she’s taken something said during a game completely out of context. She’s never liked them since we moved in so I’m finding it hard not to think this is partly about that

I brought them in and asked what had happened. I told them they cant go around threatening real people even as a joke but they insist they werent doing that

theyre all inside now and I’m starting to worry that I was unfair bringing them in when they hadnt actually done anything to her. I didnt want the situation to get worse or for her to call someone but it feels wrong that theyve been punished just because she doesnt like them. They were only playing together and there werent even any other kids there

For context our back garden is tiny and fully concrete so its not really suitable for four boys to run around playing in. This bit of grass opposite is where the local kids play and mine have always used it. I’m not saying theyre angels because theyre definitely loud and can get carried away but theyre children. I dont expect them to sit quietly indoors all day when the weathers finally dry

I’m just annoyed that she’s gone straight to threatening to report them rather than having a normal conversation with me. At the same time I dont want to be the parent who refuses to accept her kids have done anything wrong if they have

AIBU to let them play out with the toy swords? And does she actually have a point if they’ve been shouting things as part of their game?

Sounds like she’s complete over reacting. No one is going to take this sort of complaint seriously.

Send them back out with swords and let her report them. Just bring them in if there is anyone else in the Field

What time were the kids out there and do you know if neighbour works nights or from home?

I think she’s pretty deluded if she thinks that a complaint would go anywhere.

Some people are so wierd. Of course it is fine for your boys to play with plastic swords together outside. Sounds like a totally normal activity for young children. Ignore ignore.

Some people just like to moan.

Let your children play.

If your 4 and 6 year old are outside playing, you should be outside too.

Should something bad happen it isn’t fair for the older two to have to live with the guilt that they were not looking after them properly.

You should be outside supervising their playtime, especially now that their behaviour has been brought to your attention.

Honestly, can you imagine the conversation if she tried to report them to the police?
'Hi, I'd like to report some small boys running about and shouting with some plastic swords please' .

Be there to supervise so that next time she tries to make some nonsense up you can shut it right down.

Alone or with you supervising? I would be hugely concerned if I saw your youngest two out alone (and think your older two are two young really, but think this falls into different parents having different levels of comfort).

If there were no other children there, who were your boys allegedly making threats to? Each other? Or did you neighbour say they were making threats to people passing by?

If they were just threatening to stab each other with their swords, then that's just a harmless/normal part of children play-fighting together. If they did make threats to passers-by, that's not acceptable - but at the same time, they are so young that I can't imagine any adult would have been actually intimidated by it (unless a vulnerable adult of some kind.) A child perhaps would be scared.

It's hard because you don't know for sure what's happened/what was said. On a general read, my initial impression is that your neighbour appears to be over-reacting (even if they were making threats, surely it's just them being silly and thoughtless, not genuine malicious behaviour.) Threatening to report them seems a bit heavy-handed.

It might be best to reinforce to your kids that they'd be wise to be careful not to draw passers-by into their games. Don't say this in an accusatory or judgemental way - perhaps say something like, "I believe you when you say you didn't make any real threats to anyone else. I know it's easy to get carried away, so just a reminder that if you do threaten each other as part of a game, keep it only to yourselves."

@cm100298 She sounds like someone who isn't happy unless she's moaning, I'd pay her no mind!

Find out what the phrasing was by questioning the older ones at least but yes she sounds like one to watch!!!

We have a centre green area in our estate - I can see most of it from our front window but I can't really hear what's happening on it. My kids (and the rest from the estate) are out on there a lot of the time doing whatever. I do stop them if I can hear them screaming or yelling as that's just annoying though.

My son and these 2 other boys all seem to collect sticks and then spend hours hitting each other with them. Some elaborate ongoing castle game. I'd laugh at anyone if they expected me to stop them. My son has loads of toy swords and shields and runs around outside with them plenty. Of course he never yells at other people or smaller children or anything.

I think 4 is quite young to be unsupervised though so I'd be inclined to keep more of an eye out, but the actual complaint about play fighting is silly.

Tbh, I think you should be out with them. You seem a bit too blasé about their being loud, too. How loud is loud? Your neighbour is being ridiculous saying they're in any way threatening, from the sound of it, but I can see why she might not be happy with the noise and lack of supervision.

It doesn’t matter if people believe the threats at the very least it’s incredibly rude to be shouting these things at people passing by.

I’d be concerned if I saw a 4 year old out without a parent and if they looked even younger than that I would be most worried about the poor child.

She’s probably a chronic complainer. If they’re playing and not bothering anyone else, I’d ignore her complaints.
I personally wouldn’t leave them unsupervised though, especially the younger two. Even fenced in, it’s still open to the public and assuming there’s not a locked gate, they would be able to access the road.

4 is far too young to be out there with no adult

YABU to allow your 4 year old to play without your supervision.
HTH

If that were me, I'd call her bluff. (I'd probably also don a shield and sword and go in the field just to annoy her....)

Is she old? Sounds like shes the local trouble maker. Always finding someone to moan about. Let her get on with it. Theres one on every street. Tell her to fuck off.

@Credittocress

I think the question for me is - were they actually making threats to other people, or were the siblings simply threatening each other as part of the game, and the neighbour perhaps misunderstood? If she wasn't outside and only heard them, she could have assumed they were shouting at other people without knowing for sure.

If they were making threats to other people (even if only as a silly joke) that's rude and not acceptable. But if they were only shouting threats to each other, that's an acceptable part of play.

It sounds like they were just playing which is fine. I think, like pp, that your youngest is too young to be outside unsupervised by an adult. It's a responsibility for the older ones. If they are completely engrossed in their play they may not notice if he wanders off.

I do have a bit of sympathy for her if your children were really shouting loud and screaming. That is quite annoying, in my opinion. I know kids play, but I think in built up areas at least some attempt shouid be made to keep the noise down.

they were out at about 2ish this afternoon. I was keeping an eye on them from the house, I was folding washing at the same time but they were literally playing opposite our house so I could see them through the front window and keep checking on them.

I honestly dont know if she works nights or from home, we’ve only recently moved in and I dont know her that well.

Play sword fighting is fine, but i don't agree with the 4 year old being unsupervised