To have let my boys play outside with toy swords?

[cm100298]

My neighbour has just had a go at me about my boys playing outside and is now threatening to report them. They were playing with plastic swords pretending to fight and apparently they were making threats to people. I honestly dont know what to make of it. sorry if the typing is a bit dodgy my phones screen is cracked and its making it hard to type properly

dc (8 7 6 4) the older 3 were playing together and the little one was running around the field doing his own thing mostly. They were on the bit of enclosed grass opposite our house where they always play. its not someones garden and its fenced off from the road

we’ve only recently moved in and she’s never seemed to like them. She’s made comments before about them being noisy and has never been particularly friendly so I do wonder if she’s already decided theyre a nuisance and is looking for reasons to complain

It’s the first dry day we’ve had in days so they’ve been desperate to get out. They’ve been stuck in the house for days and were going a bit stir crazy. They took some toy swords and a plastic shield out with them and were playing some sort of battle game. Yes they were being loud but they werent damaging anything or bothering anyone deliberately as far as I knew

There werent any other children out there. It was just my four boys so they werent playing with or threatening anyone else. They were running around together and shouting as part of their game

My neighbour came over and said she was sick of them shouting and carrying on and that she’d heard them threatening to stab people with their swords. She said it was completely unacceptable and if I couldnt control them she’d report them. She mentioned the council and the police although I couldnt really tell if she was serious or just trying to scare me

she also said I was being unreasonable allowing the little one out there as well because he’s only little (he is small for his age aswell). But he was just running around the field and wasnt doing anything to anyone. I dont see why he should have to stay indoors when theres a safe enclosed bit of grass right opposite the house

I said theyre plastic toy swords and the boys are playing not actually going around threatening people. But if I’m honest I wasnt stood next to them the whole time so I cant swear blind about every single thing they said. I can hear them from the front window and check on them but I’m not right there listening to every word of their game

She was basically saying theyre old enough to know better and that its intimidating for other people to hear children shouting threats. I do understand that if they’ve actually said something nasty to somebody then thats not on but I dont know if she’s taken something said during a game completely out of context. She’s never liked them since we moved in so I’m finding it hard not to think this is partly about that

I brought them in and asked what had happened. I told them they cant go around threatening real people even as a joke but they insist they werent doing that

theyre all inside now and I’m starting to worry that I was unfair bringing them in when they hadnt actually done anything to her. I didnt want the situation to get worse or for her to call someone but it feels wrong that theyve been punished just because she doesnt like them. They were only playing together and there werent even any other kids there

For context our back garden is tiny and fully concrete so its not really suitable for four boys to run around playing in. This bit of grass opposite is where the local kids play and mine have always used it. I’m not saying theyre angels because theyre definitely loud and can get carried away but theyre children. I dont expect them to sit quietly indoors all day when the weathers finally dry

I’m just annoyed that she’s gone straight to threatening to report them rather than having a normal conversation with me. At the same time I dont want to be the parent who refuses to accept her kids have done anything wrong if they have

AIBU to let them play out with the toy swords? And does she actually have a point if they’ve been shouting things as part of their game?

She's a nutter. Ignore her.

I’d take a guess that they’re way too loud and she’s had enough. I find in general parents of 3+ kids get desensitized to the chaos and noise the kids create but that’s not the case for others who aren’t dealing with that day in day out. If you can hear them, they are way too loud.

I suspect they were making these “violent threats” to one another as part of their perfectly normal play, and the neighbour just loathes children. Some people do seem to find the very existence of children an affront, and some people think that ownership of their home entitles them to complete silence from everyone around them.

I would listen in a bit more on your children’s play for a while just to make sure they aren’t crossing any lines, but I wouldn’t panic. The police won’t be interested in chasing up kids who aren’t hurting anyone.

The fact that you weren’t there is the biggest issue, a four year old cannot be in a public place alone with only a sibling just a little older.

4 is too young to be out unsupervised.

I think playing out is fine but being so loud it disturbs others isn’t especially if that play is of a threatening nature.

I think some firm boundaries around volume and vocab need to be in place

Demand proof of her accusations.

Maybe she is why no other children are out there?

tell her to wear ear plugs.

How loud is loud?

But you clearly think misogyny is okay…..

She’s the local busybody, we have one of those on our street, a man in our case, he like to “patrol” the street looking for things to moan about.

While you say you were watching from the house, it sounds like you were inside and your presence wasn't visible. I think with the youngest you should have been out with the kids. This would also ensure that they weren't getting carried away in the game if they were.

Get to know your other neighbours, you will probably find out that she is "that" neighbour.

the 4 year old wasnt just let loose with access to a main road or anything like that. The field is enclosed and theres no access straight onto any main roads where we are. The road they have to cross is for houses around here and so its not a busy road. I was watching them from the house, I just wasnt physically stood outside with them the whole time.

I was folding washing but checking on them through the front window as they were literally opposite our house. I can see the whole bit of grass from there. I do understand he’s only 4 and some people might think thats too young but he wasnt wandering round the estate on his own, he was in an enclosed space with his brothers right opposite me. I wouldnt have let him out there if I thought it wasnt safe

He wasn't unsupervised

I imagine she found it very annoying, especially as they were unsupervised. If you aren't going to be out with them, they should really only play in your yard.

Why?

our garden is tiny and its all concrete so theres not really room for them to run around properly out there. And tbh she would probably complain about the noise if they were in the garden aswell because its even closer to her house. she has complained about them out there before which is partly why I thought the field opposite would be better, theres a bit more space for them to run about and theyre not right under everyones windows.

DC plays out in a park most days after school, but if they & their friends are being over-boisterous we tell them to keep it down and apologise to other park users nearby. You don't actually know whether they were over-doing it though, because you weren't supervising them. I don't think the responsibility you're placing on your 8 year old to keep their three younger siblings safe is fair or reasonable.

Okay, so if you were watching and you could hear them then you’ll know exactly what happened?

But you don’t seem to know, hence why you brought the kids in and questioned them.

You need to be outside supervising them properly. I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t be happy if the teachers at school just stayed in the classroom looking out the window whilst the kids were out playing in an enclosed playground and them not out there supervising, so it’s the same for your situation.

How much washing did you have to fold? Do they play other games other than sword fighting?

I wonder why the former residents moved......

I dont think what they were doing was particular an issue but no way would i be letting a 4 and 6 year old out to play without being outside with them.

From what you are saying they weren't "unsupervised". And that seems perfectly normal play for young boys (and girls for that matter!).
Ignore the many neighbour, some people are only happy when complaining.

I wouldn’t let a 4 or 6 year old child out of my sight, regardless of whether a field is enclosed. You said the 4 year old is small - it would be seconds for a stranger to grab them and be gone.

The neighbour has a valid point.

Proper boys fighting with plastic swords.