To have let my boys play outside with toy swords?

[cm100298]

My neighbour has just had a go at me about my boys playing outside and is now threatening to report them. They were playing with plastic swords pretending to fight and apparently they were making threats to people. I honestly dont know what to make of it. sorry if the typing is a bit dodgy my phones screen is cracked and its making it hard to type properly

dc (8 7 6 4) the older 3 were playing together and the little one was running around the field doing his own thing mostly. They were on the bit of enclosed grass opposite our house where they always play. its not someones garden and its fenced off from the road

we’ve only recently moved in and she’s never seemed to like them. She’s made comments before about them being noisy and has never been particularly friendly so I do wonder if she’s already decided theyre a nuisance and is looking for reasons to complain

It’s the first dry day we’ve had in days so they’ve been desperate to get out. They’ve been stuck in the house for days and were going a bit stir crazy. They took some toy swords and a plastic shield out with them and were playing some sort of battle game. Yes they were being loud but they werent damaging anything or bothering anyone deliberately as far as I knew

There werent any other children out there. It was just my four boys so they werent playing with or threatening anyone else. They were running around together and shouting as part of their game

My neighbour came over and said she was sick of them shouting and carrying on and that she’d heard them threatening to stab people with their swords. She said it was completely unacceptable and if I couldnt control them she’d report them. She mentioned the council and the police although I couldnt really tell if she was serious or just trying to scare me

she also said I was being unreasonable allowing the little one out there as well because he’s only little (he is small for his age aswell). But he was just running around the field and wasnt doing anything to anyone. I dont see why he should have to stay indoors when theres a safe enclosed bit of grass right opposite the house

I said theyre plastic toy swords and the boys are playing not actually going around threatening people. But if I’m honest I wasnt stood next to them the whole time so I cant swear blind about every single thing they said. I can hear them from the front window and check on them but I’m not right there listening to every word of their game

She was basically saying theyre old enough to know better and that its intimidating for other people to hear children shouting threats. I do understand that if they’ve actually said something nasty to somebody then thats not on but I dont know if she’s taken something said during a game completely out of context. She’s never liked them since we moved in so I’m finding it hard not to think this is partly about that

I brought them in and asked what had happened. I told them they cant go around threatening real people even as a joke but they insist they werent doing that

theyre all inside now and I’m starting to worry that I was unfair bringing them in when they hadnt actually done anything to her. I didnt want the situation to get worse or for her to call someone but it feels wrong that theyve been punished just because she doesnt like them. They were only playing together and there werent even any other kids there

For context our back garden is tiny and fully concrete so its not really suitable for four boys to run around playing in. This bit of grass opposite is where the local kids play and mine have always used it. I’m not saying theyre angels because theyre definitely loud and can get carried away but theyre children. I dont expect them to sit quietly indoors all day when the weathers finally dry

I’m just annoyed that she’s gone straight to threatening to report them rather than having a normal conversation with me. At the same time I dont want to be the parent who refuses to accept her kids have done anything wrong if they have

AIBU to let them play out with the toy swords? And does she actually have a point if they’ve been shouting things as part of their game?

@cm100298 if you didn’t have your eldest two would you have let your 4 and 6 year old out to play on the field opposite your house?

A) Yes - your parenting is questionable
B) No - so you’re happy for a 7 / 8 year old to be responsible for a 6 and 4 yo and do your parenting job. Again your parenting is questionable.

It’s lazy parenting. A 4 yo and 6 yo should be supervised at all time. Maybe even the 7 yo and 8 yo too.

4 boys with a tiny concrete courtyard… this is going to be hellish for the neighbours of nothing else as suggest terraced property. Yes it might have been the ONLY choice due to money, in which case it’s the age old - why continue having children if you are going to struggle to give them things like 4 boys a decent garden

Is anyone else picturing this whole thing going down like a Monty Python sketch?

It's always good when someone actually tries to think through the whole issue and ask pertinent questions rather than the dozens of people rushing to insult the neighbour

Not in the slightest

How privileged are you?

The playing outside and swords wouldn’t bother me but the 4 very young kids playing out unsupervised would (especially the 4yo).

As you say, you could not hear them all of the time and don’t know what they were saying/how loud they were being.

If you only had a small amount of washing, then why not put that out first and then go out the front with them.

Nothing to do with privilege

everything to do with looking at finances and establishing what lifestyle you want for your children and concluding that 4 children would mean they have to live in a property with a patch of concrete for a garden.

You can't know that they weren't threatening passers-by. I've been "threatened" by local kids hanging out in our new build play area many times, and so have plenty of my neighbours. I just make a point to completely ignore them and carry on with what I'm doing. Happened last week when I was
running and they started to scream that they were going to trip me up, and yelling "come on then" etc. They are about 4 or 5 years old. I literally hadn't even glanced at them.

Happens loads. I just ignore the idiots. Because if they really did do this, there would be police involvement, believe me.

It doesn't mean your neighbour is a "Karen" or a child hater or any of those things because she doesn't like the noise. I don't know why people who don't want to hear kids bellowing get such a hard time.

However, re the reporting, who is she going to report them to? That's a non-starter.

I WANTED 3 children. I also WANTED my children to be privately educated. I couldn’t afford that for 3. So only had 2.

But it’s not the ONLY choice. Even with a lack of money for a garden, OP could have taken herself outside and supervised her kids having fun on the communal field. That ‘effort’ doesn’t take money.

We had to be rehoused due to structural damage at our previous house which meant we couldn’t stay there and couldn’t be picky about taking this house. HTH.

Oh I agree completely

I think that’s unfair.

We don’t know where OP lives or her circumstances.

She could live in a million pound house in London and still have a tiny courtyard.

Or this may be all she can afford.

Some kids live in flats and don’t even have the privilege of an outdoor space.

I think OP sounds a difficult neighbour and not the most attentive mother but it’s unfair to judge the home she lives in.

Well not really no. Because obviously you are on a low family income

It's been this way for a while, people here just like to try and win competitions for the harshest insults based on one side of the story.

I suspect it fulfils a role much like the 2 minute hate in 1984, giving people a chance to role play as someone telling someone to fuck off that they wouldn't do in real life.

Hopefully helpful for the commenators though not for the o.p if they took the "advice" on board.

It does not. If children want to play sword fighting games, they will find a way to do it without a plastic one. Sticks, long handled brushes, pool noodles. It’s part of imaginative play.

Oh I would certainly tell someone to their face that they shouldn’t be letting a 4 and 6 yo out unsupervised. That they are lazy parents.

No, me neither

My friend only chose to have 1 child as she couldn’t afford more than that.

Then her sister and husband died and their 2 DCs had no parents and either lived with them or live with strangers.

My friend chose to take the 2 in and ended up with 3 children in the house.

Maybe you shouldn’t be so judgemental over circumstances you have no idea about.

So are you…..

I would just ignore her OP.

Next time, send your boys out to play with their toy swords.
And water pistols.
And pavement chalk.
😂

Or just don’t keep having children you can’t afford.
The fact she had three kids in the space of 2-3 years and left such young children out unsupervised tells me a lot.

I don't see the problem with them being out there if you could see them the whole time, I also don't hear every word my DC when I take him to the park so what's the difference 🤷‍♀️
So, if they were being exceptionally loud or saying anything inappropriate YABU, if they weren't then she is BU - I guess we just don't know!

Oh, rubbish. They are across the road where she can see them and it is fenced off from the road. Playing with toy swords is entirely normal for small boys (and small girls) and the neighbour has nothing better to do than be nasty to OP. Ignore her. My DC would be out all day, out of my sight when they were 8 and 6 - with neighbour's slightly older DD - but now we have to watch our kids all the time. The threat is no greater now, of abduction etc, than it was when I was a child 70 years ago (in fact, in some ways less, given the surveilliance we keep our DC under).