To have let my boys play outside with toy swords?

[cm100298]

My neighbour has just had a go at me about my boys playing outside and is now threatening to report them. They were playing with plastic swords pretending to fight and apparently they were making threats to people. I honestly dont know what to make of it. sorry if the typing is a bit dodgy my phones screen is cracked and its making it hard to type properly

dc (8 7 6 4) the older 3 were playing together and the little one was running around the field doing his own thing mostly. They were on the bit of enclosed grass opposite our house where they always play. its not someones garden and its fenced off from the road

we’ve only recently moved in and she’s never seemed to like them. She’s made comments before about them being noisy and has never been particularly friendly so I do wonder if she’s already decided theyre a nuisance and is looking for reasons to complain

It’s the first dry day we’ve had in days so they’ve been desperate to get out. They’ve been stuck in the house for days and were going a bit stir crazy. They took some toy swords and a plastic shield out with them and were playing some sort of battle game. Yes they were being loud but they werent damaging anything or bothering anyone deliberately as far as I knew

There werent any other children out there. It was just my four boys so they werent playing with or threatening anyone else. They were running around together and shouting as part of their game

My neighbour came over and said she was sick of them shouting and carrying on and that she’d heard them threatening to stab people with their swords. She said it was completely unacceptable and if I couldnt control them she’d report them. She mentioned the council and the police although I couldnt really tell if she was serious or just trying to scare me

she also said I was being unreasonable allowing the little one out there as well because he’s only little (he is small for his age aswell). But he was just running around the field and wasnt doing anything to anyone. I dont see why he should have to stay indoors when theres a safe enclosed bit of grass right opposite the house

I said theyre plastic toy swords and the boys are playing not actually going around threatening people. But if I’m honest I wasnt stood next to them the whole time so I cant swear blind about every single thing they said. I can hear them from the front window and check on them but I’m not right there listening to every word of their game

She was basically saying theyre old enough to know better and that its intimidating for other people to hear children shouting threats. I do understand that if they’ve actually said something nasty to somebody then thats not on but I dont know if she’s taken something said during a game completely out of context. She’s never liked them since we moved in so I’m finding it hard not to think this is partly about that

I brought them in and asked what had happened. I told them they cant go around threatening real people even as a joke but they insist they werent doing that

theyre all inside now and I’m starting to worry that I was unfair bringing them in when they hadnt actually done anything to her. I didnt want the situation to get worse or for her to call someone but it feels wrong that theyve been punished just because she doesnt like them. They were only playing together and there werent even any other kids there

For context our back garden is tiny and fully concrete so its not really suitable for four boys to run around playing in. This bit of grass opposite is where the local kids play and mine have always used it. I’m not saying theyre angels because theyre definitely loud and can get carried away but theyre children. I dont expect them to sit quietly indoors all day when the weathers finally dry

I’m just annoyed that she’s gone straight to threatening to report them rather than having a normal conversation with me. At the same time I dont want to be the parent who refuses to accept her kids have done anything wrong if they have

AIBU to let them play out with the toy swords? And does she actually have a point if they’ve been shouting things as part of their game?

I was responding to your suggestion that supervising your kids at age 4 means they won't function as teens?

It's in the second paragraph of the very first post.

You've missed out that I said *some. Are you even aware that the 4 year old child was actually being kept an eye on? You seem to think a four and six year old were out on their own an no-one was looking near them. Mum watching from window and 2 older siblings with them. I mean come on.

This reminds me of the carnage/headache/nightmare that was the Scavo boys in Desperate Housewives. They did grow up eventually and calm returned to the neighbourhood.

Yes that's what's confusing. The only fence you'd really be able to see a small 4-year-old through is a metal park type fence but that seems a bit random to enclose a random field. Regardless, even my laid back parents in the 70s wouldn't have let a 4 year old play out the front without an adult present.

That's two ageist comments you've made on this thread and you're the only one who's done it so far that I've read. OP hasn't mentioned her age so what's up with you?

I have a fantastic extending lance from English Heritage I'd happily send you in the post.

Your kids need to play, long gone are the days when children were expected to been and not heard and it seems like this woman took her obnoxious pills that morning.

Its just unfortunate there is no other witness but don't let her keep bothering you every time your DC are out playing and if this woman keeps harassing you, complain to the council as you my have a nieghbour problem and not a kids problem.

She needs to back back off and give you all some peace.

I suggest you tell your kids that if this nieghbour speaks to them that you need to know all the details but for them to be on their best behaviour around her, without saying too much so your kids are not worried.

If your kids are playing without the plastic swords, during the day, the nieghbour can not stop them. The council can stop her, if she continues to harass you.

Neither the OP nor the older kids were keeping an eye out though. OP was doing laundry and the older kids were swordfighting. A 4 year old can wander of in an instance, heck they can even wonder of when someone is watching them. With a road nearby and presumably neighbors reversing out of their driveway it is just to risky.

And I'm from a country where taking yourself to school by age 6 is the norm.

I'm sure OP weighed up those risks before allowing them to be outside.

She might have but you can't really be complaining about a neighbor being concerned.
The rest of course is unacceptable behavior from her. Unless OPs children were being brats which OP can't know because she wasn't there.

Concerned? The neighbour wasn't concerned, she was nasty.

I think it depends on the level of noise and what they were shouting. I love hearing kids play but I think there's a difference between playing knights and shouting "en garde!" vs "gimme your money or I'll cut you up" (might sound ridiculous, but I once saw a lad threaten another with a water pistol but in a very... roadman type of way? If that makes sense. And I would say that was definitely intimidating for other children in the vicinity.)

Presumably children who are getting themselves to school aged 6, have had their independence nurtured gradually over the preceding years in preparation? It would seem to me that playing in an enclosed playing field opposite your home, with older siblings and where a parent can see you, would be a perfect introduction.

They are all far too young to be out on their own, especially the little ones!!! I would report you for that

Yes they are taught that in kindergarten and by their parents showing them the way to school, who are trusted neighbors in case of an emergency, etc. Generally it is more of a village approach which this neighbor would also be a part of.
Not by playing outside a road which siblings who were not looking after them.
As I said this situation would be highly unusual even here.

Yes they are taught that in kindergarten and by their parents showing them the way to school, who are trusted neighbors in case of an emergency, etc.

But even that carries a risk. ‘Trusted neighbours’ don’t come with a guarantee…

A 4 year old being left to wander around a field alone while his other young siblings immerse themselves in sword fighting undoubtedly carries more risk that a trusted neighbour. A trusted neighbour is usually an adult, well known to the family, who would ensure the child doesn't hurt or endangered themselves. It was only about a month ago that little Noah ran out the park and into the pond, bless his soul. You would think maternal instinct would be a little stronger than the desire to fold washing.

I don't disagree. Still wouldn't you want your child to know who to talk to in case you weren't there?

@Cuttertheduck is there a reason they are expected to walk to school without parents at that age? Are you just putting the responsibility for someone to look out for them on someone else?

When police came to do road safety talk to children at DC’s Primary school they gave them leaflets to bring home. Included in this leaflet was a statement that children under 8 don’t have the developed spatial awareness to be able to judge speed of cars so shouldn’t be crossing roads without supervision. I’ve often wondered how children cope in that respect in countries where under 8s walk to school and their brain isn’t developed enough to judge car speeds

Is just a done thing.
Like in other countries ( Switzerland or Japan or Japan for example)
Seems to work there are just just cultural differences.
I have no clue how child road safety is taught in the Uk it is taught from an early age in other countries

Though there might be a greater awareness for drivers.

It’s not that road safety isn’t taught but a child’s brain isn’t developed enough to calculate speed at young ages, so I’m assuming there’s reliance on older children and car drivers to be more aware when young children are walking. So in effect parents are passing on their responsibility to somebody else

I mean drivers are more aware exactly for that reason. Children might look out for each other but the OP's children didn't do that. There's a lot I like about the British school system ( I think they ate comparable good dealing with ASD ) but the angst about schoolchildren walking to school at an an older age is baffling to me.

But as I said cultural differences.

@Cuttertheduck I still don't see the benefit of a 4yo being able to walk to school without their parents. I liked the school run with DC had some great chats etc.

However, I guess it is easier for children to walk to school where everyone does it so they don't have to negotiate the traffic round schools as no-one will be driving to drop their DC off. Had to take my life into my own hands when dropping DC off, so would hate for 4/5yo to be negotiating that!

But would parents let a very young DC walk to school on their own if there were no other houses around and then the DC had to cross a main A type road which didn't have designated crossing and there was no-one else with them, in your country?