My new bf

[sandybeaches74]

So I’ve had a new boyfriend since October last year. He’s good to me, kind to me, does lots of jobs around the house, cooks, cleans, is great with my kids etc… However, I am paying for everything, he is using my car, he is eating my food, he is basically living in my home rent free. He does pay when we go out for meals occasionally but tbh that’s not that often. When I asked for his share of the price of our summer holiday he was upset. He says that he doesn’t ask to eat my dinners and he wouldn’t have them unless I offered. It kind of leaves me with nowhere to go on the conversation. He doesn’t want to book any holidays so it’s always my idea and then I pay. I had a horrible husband before I met him and he is not that at all… but something isn’t sitting right here… everytime I raise it, I just don’t get anywhere so I have realised there is no point. Can you give me your views?

When I asked for his share of the price of our summer holiday he was upset

🤢

Get yourself a housekeeper then if all these things are so important to you. Would cost you much less than this leech

Id never heard of the term cocklodger but I know I've got one as a next door neighbour. Without being mean, (my neighbour the lodger has been there all the time I've lived there over 3 years), at least you are seeing this behaviour after a few months.
Excuses could be he doesn't earn enough, this is not going to change, you are not unreasonable, he should cough up or get out.

I don’t get the secrecy over his own unusual home which is “outing”. He lives in a caravan or a house boat doesn’t he? He’s not looking forward to winter so has made himself snuggly in your lovely home for free. In his head, helping clean up and doing your garden is a fair swap for contributing a big fat zilch to spend lots of time in the warm being fed. Free holidays on top.

the question is, do you think that’s a fair deal? You won’t, which is why you’re here, so what to do about it?

"Top of the grade cocklodger" thank you for making me laugh for the first time today 🤣🤣🤣

Get rid, he just wants a mummy

Yes I did ask for thoughts, I just thought they might be a bit less vicious. As for the kids, they have gradually built a relationship with a man who spends time with them, teaches them things, is nice to their mum, wants to do things all together. They don’t know anything about the financial piece and who pays for what. As far as they are concerned they think life is great. Honestly this has turned into questioning my ability to look after my kids. I have enough money, for university for everything they need. The issue is not my money, the fact he doesn’t really contribute. I am lucky to be able to take care of all of our needs. That wasn’t my original question.

It's not an equal partnership if one of you is spending a load of extra money to live together (extra bills, food, council tax) and one of you is saving a load.

So he does work? Does he have his own place? If he doesn't have keys how does his work?

Because you're supporting a grown man you've only known for a year and have no obligations to. You've moved him into their home when you barely know him. Now they have a virtual stranger living in their space and he's draining you financially.

It's not vile to tell you to open your eyes about you supporting a grown man you've only known for a year. Even you have doubts about him. You know this isn't right.

Does he have a job?

Listen, I get it. I too spent a lot of money on my bf because I could afford it. I spent lots on my kids too. But in the last year I have had enough and I have been going on holidays with my friends instead (my kids are now grown up) because I'm fed up paying for his share. He wanted in the past to move in with me but I knew what would happen and I don't need another kid. Now, I only go to his flat couple of times a week. I still feel loved and we have lots of fun but I'm insisting he pays half when we go out. I understand it's hard for you if he helps a lot. Quite frankly, if my lazy bf did my garden and fixed things around my house, I would actually be very happy to let him eat at my house every night. You obviously care for him a lot and he seems to be good to you, albeit he should contribute financially too. You have a decision to make. Either stick to your guns and ask him to pay something towards the costs or suggest you go see him in his house instead. But in the latter case, he would probably not take care of your garden etc.

I believe the term you're searching for is cocklodger. A grown man should pay his way.

You've let a bf of a year move in with your kids for free?

He's not a good man at heart. FFS. He's using you. Up to you whether you're desperate enough to let him carry on.

@sandybeaches74 what is his home like?

Is he poor or is he mean?
Either way he really needs to find a way to pay his share. Why would he think that you would pick up the cost of his summer holiday? That’s bizarre.

Housekeeper would be more expensive

Well he should be living in his own house. He should pay for half the food you cook for him. And he should cook for you at both your houses, and you also pay for some food when at his.
He shouldn't be at yours constantly without being invited. He should sometimes invite you.

And if he is mostly at yours then he's a lodger so must pay half of all utilities or the equivalent as rent.

But basically he's using you so you should just tell him to go back to his house. See if he invites you round or offers you anything. He won't.

A genuinely good man would have listened to you totally valid concerns and offered to rectify it.
The fact that he hasn’t and instead doubled down speaks volumes as to his true character.
Being nice to you on a surface level is easy when you are basically paying for his services, isn’t it? While shafting you on the quiet

Have you seen what the Op is forking out for this leech?

@Sunworshipper72 this is how I feel yes. Thank you

I think you had better see a lawyer ASAP. How much money has he invested in repair and maintenance of your property and did you pay for that in full and do you have those receipts? Has his work increased your property value?

Do you have a cohabitation agreement?

Well, you asked for a point of view and the responses show, without exception, thae opinion that you have been ( a lot ?) a bit silly !

“Nice to their mum”

We are talking about the man who got upset with you when you asked him, whilst he was at your home, eating your food, to contribute towards his holiday?

If you're planning on staying with him give him a shopping list the next time he comes to stay for a few days. Do some meal planning and he can buy the stuff. If he's got his own place surely he knows the price of food and bills.
Is he staying often enough to affect your single occupancy council tax? I think that's 3 days a week but I'm not sure