Honeymoon and childcare

[FailingToSleep]

DS got married last month and she and her husband are due to go away on their honeymoon on Tuesday for a week. They have 2 children who were going to be looked after by their grandparents (husbands parents) when they were away. Her husband’s dad has had an accident on Friday and is in hospital. He is ok but they won’t be able to look after the children. His parents have told them to go ahead with the honeymoon if they can find alternative childcare.

We have been asked to look after the children when they go away but we’ve had to say no to weekdays due to work. We both work full time and although I could probably get the time off, the short notice wouldn’t look good. I have important meetings that would have to be rearranged and it would mean I’d have to cancel other leave that I had plans for with my husband and children. Annual leave takes a lot of planning and it’s usually booked months ahead.

We have said we will look after the children over the weekend as we are not working but they’ll need to find someone else for the weekdays. AIBU? I feel sorry that she’ll miss her honeymoon but I have work. DS is saying it’s an emergency situation so we should help her.

Wanting to go on honeymoon is not "an emergency situation".

Sorry if it's already been asked and answered but can they see if they can reschedule the honeymoon (there will be a cost and it may be too short notice but worth a try?)

I can see why posters are sympathetic to the sister as she had made childcare arrangements and didn't foresee they would fall through so late in the day. But I also think it's too big an ask for OP when she is working FT. I wouldn't be able to get a chunk of annual leave at short notice, there are clients booked in and deadlines to meet. Plus it's a block of AL off the yearly allowance. It could jeopardise OP's own holiday plans and cover for school hols if she has kids herself.

OP has offered a compromise - she can have the kids overnight and at weekends if their parents can sort cover between 3-7.30pm. That's a really generous offer. It's not her fault if the school mum friends have all said no (why are posters not criticising them instead?) and a nanny isn't viable.

There was a similar post a few months ago although I think it was a bit different in that it was possible to add the kids to the honeymoon (I think the groom was happy to take them but the bride wasn't) and most of the posters said "if it was that important to have a child free honeymoon she shouldn't have had the kids before the wedding". So I'm surprised this one has had mostly the opposite responses!

How is it that women always have the jobs that they can take time off from without notice for their kids, their sister’s kids…

You would just not turn up to work to facilitate your DSis’s hol if you couldn’t get leave?

The OP might be a surgeon. The lead lawyer on a multi-million £ deal about to close, have top level negotiating mtgs for a contract that would ensure jobs for hundreds… or be a teacher, head of a front line NHS team.

Women are always expected to compromise their careers, their pay, their promotion.

Ok. People live differently. We operate more as a network.

It’s a bit cheeky thinking you could organise leave from work so last minute. You’ve agreed to mind them at the weekend and could do weekdays if they sort afterschool care until 7.30pm - they can’t do this, so unfortunately you aren’t in a position to help them. These things happen when you’ve young children.

just looked at this link. It looks amazing!

If they could get a nanny for your work times, then that could work?

I find some people’s thought process baffling!

A. Insurance won’t cover this in a million years. ‘Oh hello, my father in law has had an accident and can’t babysit my children so I can’t go on holiday and want the full cost refunded please. They will say ‘fuck off’

B. Are people seriously suggesting a nanny? They go on Tuesday. How many Mother’s would seriously leave young children with someone they have literally never met so they can fuck off on a holiday?

She has two options. Go and take the kids or don’t go. The poor children trying to be palmed off. How could they relax whilst on their holiday is beyond me.

I think it’s unreasonable of your sister and brother in law to expect a childfree holiday at other people’s inconvenience, when they have children. They can’t carry on like they don’t exist, make them other people’s problems. I mean, yes a honeymoon happens once in a lifetime (ideally) but (1) this isn’t much of a wedding + honeymoon seeing as they’ve been living together as a family for years and this was actually the plan (2) at this point, the honeymoon doesn’t have to be right after the wedding and if it isn’t after the wedding they can postpone to any old time because now it’s just a normal childfree holiday (3) real emergencies (such as a parent ending up in hospital after an accident) happen and these things are always a risk for everyone. The label of “honeymoon” is doing a lot of heavy lifting here.