Honeymoon and childcare

[FailingToSleep]

DS got married last month and she and her husband are due to go away on their honeymoon on Tuesday for a week. They have 2 children who were going to be looked after by their grandparents (husbands parents) when they were away. Her husband’s dad has had an accident on Friday and is in hospital. He is ok but they won’t be able to look after the children. His parents have told them to go ahead with the honeymoon if they can find alternative childcare.

We have been asked to look after the children when they go away but we’ve had to say no to weekdays due to work. We both work full time and although I could probably get the time off, the short notice wouldn’t look good. I have important meetings that would have to be rearranged and it would mean I’d have to cancel other leave that I had plans for with my husband and children. Annual leave takes a lot of planning and it’s usually booked months ahead.

We have said we will look after the children over the weekend as we are not working but they’ll need to find someone else for the weekdays. AIBU? I feel sorry that she’ll miss her honeymoon but I have work. DS is saying it’s an emergency situation so we should help her.

I thought you meant your son! Yes I would do weekend only in that situation.

Well, they'll just have to cancel. That's life. They can go another time.
You can't provide the childcare, don't worry about it.

You're not available. End of discussion.

Strange attitude. But then I like my sister so I would be trying pretty hard to find a solution to this so she could have her honeymoon.

There's no evidence that she dislikes her sister. She's got a demanding job and can't take time off.

This is quite an unfortunate scenario, however it is also one of the challenges of being parents in 2026. You can ask, but should not expect others to be able to rearrange their commitments to accommodate your plans. It is of course even more difficult when everyone is working and has children of their own.

Presuming as they have been together since pre-covid, they have likely already taken couple holidays? They have been living as a married couple for a while now, so this would just be their first holiday alone after “making things official”. Could they take this as a family holiday and then arrange the “honeymoon” for another time? You have offered a weekend so could they take you up on this for a couples getaway? I understand that covid messed up their plans for marriage before kids, but surely the what happens if we can’t find childcare for the honeymoon question should have been part of the discussion.

Sadly, the village no longer exists in the same way as it did way back when there were fewer women in full time careers. We no longer work a few hours here and there down the local xyz, where Sharon could cover you whilst you tend to a family matter. Jobs are far more committed and demanding.

The reality is, whilst the children are young, there may be many similar disappointing occasions requiring compromise and cancellation, however I would support with suggestions for alternatives. Do they have any others family members, trusted friends/neighbours, childcare providers whereby between a couple or a mixture of all the above they can still go ahead as planned? You may be the easiest choice, and they are thinking in desperation without considering the more practical details. They need to explore all options and then make a decision.

It also means 'Dear Sister'

Sadly if childcare falls through then holidays have to be cancelled. Of course you shouldn't be pressured into taking time off work. If you could great but you can't so that should be the end of it.

Tbf posters usually put dsis but it doesn't matter. Once you read the post context usually explains who is being referred to.

I don’t think she should take time off but she could try a bit harder. She’s ‘free’ after 6.30pm, sometimes earlier.

After a full day at work. She's offering weekends? The childcare plan has fallen through, the sister will just need to rearrange the holiday.
It happens when you have young children.

No it’s not an emergency. What about other grandparents? That’s irrelevant anyway as you shouldn’t have to take time off so they can have a child free holiday.

How old are the children? Personally I’d help out and yes I work full time but presumably they are at school/childcare so it’s just pick up and drop off and evenings that you’d be needed

I'd make it work for my sister. I hate taking time out of work but I wouldn't want my sister to miss out on a honeymoon she was looking forward to. Can you change meetings to Teams meetings and do them at home outside of school drop off and pick ups? Have other family members and wrap around care fill in some gaps?

They should have included children in the holiday.

How old are the kids? If school age coukd they stay with school friends for the week and you for the weekend? I've looked after my kids' friends in similar circumstances, it isn't any particular trouble as they just join in the family routine

She can do it at another time. It's not like it'll be the first time they've been away together, like in the old days.

I’d do it for my sister however it all depends on circumstances! I can wfh, she goes to breakfast club and after school club and I only live 10 mins away so I just stay at hers when I have her overnight…..if you can’t make it work you can’t make it work! Can she not arrange childcare around your work?

A honeymoon is not an emergency.

I agree with you OP a honeymoon isn’t an emergency and they’ll have to make other arrangements or sadly postpone.

However the amount of posters saying they should take the kids, or that having a honeymoon without children is unthinkable- I know loads of people who didn’t take their children on honeymoon. I wouldn’t want to either! A honeymoon isn’t a family holiday, it’s a romantic shag up.

No need to feel guilty op. You don’t have to justify not booking off annual leave when you work. And there are many jobs where the short notice wouldn’t be authorised.

I think some posters are being unnecessarily mean. It would cause huge issues at work for me to book the time off at such short notice and wouldn’t be looked upon favourably.

I’m often at work until 6.30pm, home by 7pm ish. It would take me til 7.30pm to get to the schools after school club but it would be closed by then and is full up anyway. They don’t usually go. I’ve asked if another school mum could have them after school and then one of us would pick them up by 7.30pm latest but she says she has asked the mums she knows and they can’t help. It would be a nightmare getting them to school in the morning and then getting to work anyway but I was willing to do it if she could sort out the hours between 3 and 7.30pm. Then there is always the chance that one or both of them gets sick and I’d have to be off work. Her husband has a sister but she lives in another country so can’t help.

I am trying to help her and would hate for them to miss their honeymoon, that’s why I was up in the middle of the night worrying about it. I love my sister but I do need my job.

No reason to presume they're in school or childcare. OP said the kids were conceived after the covid era wedding was cancelled, so likely at least 1 is still preschool age. There could be a SAHP or at least part time working parent, which would fit with OP saying time off would be needed.

cross post with OP lol- sounds like they're in school without wraparound, so not a question of just evenings

I accidentally voted the wrong way, sorry.

Not an emergency, and not your problem. You’ve offered to help out as much as you can, which is very good of you, and it’s up to them to find an alternative solution for the remaining days.

My impression is that the children are quite young if born since Covid. If OP is 30
mins away , even getting to school or nursery will be a logistical challenge. Women have been encouraged to pursue careers and that does mean that they can’t just drop work at the drop of a hat in many cases now.
As others have said, this does not constitute an emergency and if the honeymooners are keen to go, they also need to explore other options - OP has agreed to cover the weekend and it is unfair to be pressuring for more than that.
Any other siblings in either side? Best man?