Honeymoon and childcare

[FailingToSleep]

DS got married last month and she and her husband are due to go away on their honeymoon on Tuesday for a week. They have 2 children who were going to be looked after by their grandparents (husbands parents) when they were away. Her husband’s dad has had an accident on Friday and is in hospital. He is ok but they won’t be able to look after the children. His parents have told them to go ahead with the honeymoon if they can find alternative childcare.

We have been asked to look after the children when they go away but we’ve had to say no to weekdays due to work. We both work full time and although I could probably get the time off, the short notice wouldn’t look good. I have important meetings that would have to be rearranged and it would mean I’d have to cancel other leave that I had plans for with my husband and children. Annual leave takes a lot of planning and it’s usually booked months ahead.

We have said we will look after the children over the weekend as we are not working but they’ll need to find someone else for the weekdays. AIBU? I feel sorry that she’ll miss her honeymoon but I have work. DS is saying it’s an emergency situation so we should help her.

Cost? Places?

It's not an emergency though

They will have to claim on their holiday insurance and rearrange the holiday.

I think honeymoon is a stretch when the children preceded the marriage. A long weekend I can see the sense of but not a long "honeymoon" when there are already children.

@FailingToSleep you aren't being unreasonable.

Bitter and unkind.

Im not sure why people are so hung up on making a big deal because OPs Sister wants a honeymoon without her kids. Now the focus has become people being nasty saying she should of waited to have her DC.

You cant just add people to a holiday last minute and MAYBE they do not have the money. You cant assume.

I would for my sister but each to their own.

Bitter? I agree with this poster - what’s bitter about it?
I had a wonderful honeymoon many years ago, crucially it was before we had children. Because after that it’s not a honeymoon, it’s just a holiday.

The point is being made, because it is a valid point. No-one is being nasty. Taking leave so that her sister can have a holiday, then she probably won't get one?
That's not a good idea.

You’d take annual leave at the last minute even if you had important meetings arranged and more importantly you needed that annual leave for your own children?

Ps it’s should have

I think the family should operate as a family and all talk. I dont know how much clearer I can make it.

Quite. My honeymoon inconvenienced no-one.
They've got young children, they are the priority. I'm sure a holiday can be rebooked.

Absolutely this. And in real life would people really judge (or correct!) someone for calling it a honeymoon just because they've already got kids?

Let's face it, most couples live together before marriage these days anyway so does anyone really have a "proper" wedding night or honeymoon anymore by old-fashioned standards?

I don't think the OP has done anything wrong just to be clear, but that's a separate issue.

Let me set out some of the difficulties for you, especually if the op has a professional/managerial role:

Annual leave - often the rules stopulate that it has to be booked ahead - twice as long as the holiday. So two week holiday, four weeks in advance;
A/L might be declined;
Unpaid leave might not be facilitated if there are significant business matters/meeting in the period, and of course the op woukd lose earning;
Compassionate leave - wouldn't meet the criteria in many organisations and woukd be limited;
Sick leave - fraudulent - potential for a disciplinary.
OP needs her annual leave for her own family.
Disruption for the children if the care is inconsistent.

I think the point is that once you have children they are your priority- not a “honeymoon” which is basically just a holiday when you’re already established in family life.

And where are the people who actually want to go on holiday without their children? If they are that determined, in spite of their own parent's accident that is serious enough that they can no long do the childcare, to go on holiday without their own children, then they need to be talking to their other friends/family and seeing if it's feasible, not demanding OP do it or sort it out for them.

Sometimes you don't get what you want when you want it. This may be one of those times. They don't go, they take the children, or they reschedule if they can't find appropriate, emotionally and logistically safe childcare.

The sister goes on her honeymoon on Tuesday. She needs her 5 and 4 year old looking after for a week. The op has very kindly worked it out so she can have them but needs 2 and a half hours after school covering.
I think we would both agree that the OP has done her bit and should wait for 'the family' to figure out those 12 and a half hours she can't do, out of the 168 she has offered.

I will assume you don't think the op alone is fully responsible?
Glad we've figured that out.

@tardive honestly.... I think unless DS has zero support network which OP has not mentioned here. This can all be sorted even if its a friend that has to do the odd day. Most people dont just have thousands of pounds to add for extra flights and maybe the room type is not suitable for the children. Also as a mum too.... holidays are NOT the same with DC. Its irrelevant as to why a person chooses not to take their kids along too as is the occasion.

I don't see the drama. If I could go on a child free break for a week I would do.I hope your sister finds a solution.

4.5 hours a day not 2.5 which makes it harder.

I was willing to do it if she could sort out the hours between 3 and 7.30pm.

But I agree OP has offered what she is able to. Hopefully someone else can step in to cover the rest so they don't have to cancel.

Please keep up with the thread. People have asked about other people friends and family pitching in.

OP said she could do the weekend.

You seem to be on the defence rather than offering a solution and to be clear I dont mean just OP alone. Im just saying in general.... Im sure it can be solved the weekdays.

Those poor kids. Pillar to post.

As I've said, I think the family should operate as a family. It seems a foreign concept to some.

Big (hypothetical) promises there.

Can I ask where you work? I can’t think of anywhere where you could just say I’m off from Tuesday because of someone else’s honeymoon.

People with such a flexible workplace are very fortunate indeed. I guarantee they’d be less supportive of this scenario if they needed an operation and couldn’t have it this week because the surgeon took leave at extremely short notice to babysit so her sister could go on holiday.

OP your sister is just discovering what being a parent means. Plans change.

So the op has to jump through hoops to fix this according to some yet the parents do nothing?

They need to pay for a nanny for when you're working and you can have them on evenings, nights and the weekend? Would this work for you? I wouldn't jeopardise your work performance over this

Oh please

Families don't always live nearby.
Families don't always have the actual ability to provide care for small children.
Families often have jobs (that pay bills)/children/elder care/commitments of their own that can't just be dropped or re-arranged to suit someone else's wants.

The people who want to go on holiday without their children are the people that need to be sorting this, not everyone else

It isn’t reasonable of your DSis to expect you to be able to get time off work at short notice . If you can’t, you can’t.

Would it work to move into their house for the week, commute from there and have a temporary nanny 7.30-7.30 each day?

And tbh, it isn’t a time sensitive ‘honeymoon’, I.e straight after the wedding. It’s a child free holiday after living together for ages and the wedding was at least a couple of weeks ago. So they could try and change the dates / postpone.