Honeymoon and childcare

[FailingToSleep]

DS got married last month and she and her husband are due to go away on their honeymoon on Tuesday for a week. They have 2 children who were going to be looked after by their grandparents (husbands parents) when they were away. Her husband’s dad has had an accident on Friday and is in hospital. He is ok but they won’t be able to look after the children. His parents have told them to go ahead with the honeymoon if they can find alternative childcare.

We have been asked to look after the children when they go away but we’ve had to say no to weekdays due to work. We both work full time and although I could probably get the time off, the short notice wouldn’t look good. I have important meetings that would have to be rearranged and it would mean I’d have to cancel other leave that I had plans for with my husband and children. Annual leave takes a lot of planning and it’s usually booked months ahead.

We have said we will look after the children over the weekend as we are not working but they’ll need to find someone else for the weekdays. AIBU? I feel sorry that she’ll miss her honeymoon but I have work. DS is saying it’s an emergency situation so we should help her.

They’re being very selfish. Holidays of all types look different for them as they have children. They should be taking them with them and celebrating the fact they are now married as a FAMILY.

They are 5 and 4, so very young. I’d worry about them with a new nanny they don’t know, but I’ll suggest it and see if it’s an option.

Then she should look at getting a babysitter who can get them after school, take them home, make them dinner etc, even get them bathed and into their PJs, so when you finish work you can collect them and take them to yours to go to bed. Or even stay at theirs if that makes it easier logistically in the morning. There will be babysitting agencies, or she can ask friends for recommendations.

Surely one of the main points is that you would lose a week's annual leave ie a week with your own husband and children, to facilitiate your sister. And this is unfair on your own family-

What about the sisters parents? Can they not help? Can MIL not have the children 3.30-7.30? Only gramps is in hospital. Surely he can manage a few hours on his own?
Id try and help where I could. Obviously getting time off is not possible. But sister getting childcare 3.30-7.30 shouldn’t be impossible

They could have married before having children even it meant just going to a register office. If they had they would not have a problem now.

Well they’d have hardly been able to go on honeymoon in Covid would they?

Even if they’d married at the register office and then had their kids they’d be in the same situation.

Helpful input, thanks. 😂

People's weddings were getting cancelled left right and centre during covid and there was a whole period where there was no guarantee it was going to happen. It's obvious why a woman in her late 30s would decide she didn't have the luxury of waiting.

It's not an emergency - obviously. Your work has to come first. If they can't find alternative childcare, they will have to change the dates of the holiday. It's not your problem to resolve, OP.

That sounds very stressful and complicated for the sake of a holiday! They'll just need to rebook. It happens

Your sister needs to put kore effort into the wrap around care. Perhaps an emergency after school nanny. Your suggestion that you have them overnight is fine - she needs to pay the cash to an agency whom will charge a fortune but will collect children from schooL, give dinner etc.

Is there a family member or friend, that you’d happily give a key, that could pick them up and look after them at yours? Or a childminder that they know of at their school till you could get to them?

It’s unfortunate but that’s just how it rolls when you have DC ( and/or dogs or elderly DPs).
You have your own DCs that you need to keep your annual leave for and Dsis should understand this.
You have done the right thing in offering to help how you can but you’re right not to compromise your job or your own annual leave requirements.

Are they in a position to have a temporary Norland Nanny, OP?

They do holiday cover.

https://www.norland.ac.uk/employing-a-norland-nanny/

Maybe they should check their holiday insurance to see if it covers this sort of situation.

you have offered everything you can, but it’s not what she wants, she wants you to be available like a parent which is just not possible given your work and existing commitments.

she is disappointed that she is going to have to cancel or take them, it’s not what she wanted. But that’s not your fault so if she gets funny do remind her of that. At 4 and 5 I’m not surprised other school parents are saying no, I would too.

Depends how expensive the holiday was and whether insurance will allow them to cancel/move it!

It is not an emergency.

just say you are sorry but you can’t get time off work

it would be crazy for you to cancel you future holidays so that they can have theirs now

Im wondering if you and dh can each finish early s couple of days, or take a break to collect them, and catch up on work later on.
Or do they know anyone who has a teenager who would look after them for a few hours each night.
Very tricky situation. Or would your sister reimburse you for taking some annual leave?

I would try hard to accommodate the two children.
Could a nanny be employed to your home and you take care of the children in the evenings and on one day of the weekends?
Could a nanny be employed to their home and you relieve her of a night time?
I would want my DSis to have the honeymoon.

This ⬆️

They really need to be ringing around childminders, after school clubs, babysitters/nannies and other school parents to help with wrap around before coming to you/ILs. If they can sort some of that I'd be more inclined to try and help.
A shame for them if it can't be done, but that's life with kids.

True, but they have no childcare so it's unavoidable. They'll just have to take the hit.

As they'd be having to delay due to childcare issues caused by an accident requiring hospitalisation they might be able to claim for costs of changing their holiday on the insurance. Have they tried?

In an emergency such as a death the family I could drop everything and take emergency leave, knowing my manager and colleagues will rally round.

In the situation you describe, I would never suggest they should do so, just so that my sister can go on honeymoon without her much loved and wanted DC.

Of course I’d sympathise with her and help her think through alternatives. Drop everything at work, err just no.