Honeymoon and childcare

[FailingToSleep]

DS got married last month and she and her husband are due to go away on their honeymoon on Tuesday for a week. They have 2 children who were going to be looked after by their grandparents (husbands parents) when they were away. Her husband’s dad has had an accident on Friday and is in hospital. He is ok but they won’t be able to look after the children. His parents have told them to go ahead with the honeymoon if they can find alternative childcare.

We have been asked to look after the children when they go away but we’ve had to say no to weekdays due to work. We both work full time and although I could probably get the time off, the short notice wouldn’t look good. I have important meetings that would have to be rearranged and it would mean I’d have to cancel other leave that I had plans for with my husband and children. Annual leave takes a lot of planning and it’s usually booked months ahead.

We have said we will look after the children over the weekend as we are not working but they’ll need to find someone else for the weekdays. AIBU? I feel sorry that she’ll miss her honeymoon but I have work. DS is saying it’s an emergency situation so we should help her.

They are parents. They can bring their children on their honeymoon or pay a full time nanny. It's not your responsibility at all to provide childcare.

It is a honeymoon not an emergency situafion they chose to wait to get married after they had children they are parents they need to deal with it

I would help within reason like you are doing nothing more

Of course you're not unreasonable. Your work is important to your family. You've offered to take them for the weekend. That is generous enough. If you have the children before the honeymoon, you don't get to have the same carefree honeymoon. A honeymoon is so a newly married couple can get to start married life together away from the stresses of every day life. That ship has sailed for this couple, so it's really just a couple's holiday. They need to sort out something for the week or take the kids with them.

Emergency 🤣 when you have kids you have to have plan A,B and at least C because the likelihood of something going not to plan is extremely high. She has a few choices- get a nanny for during the week; reschedule; take the kids with them. It’s kind of you to sacrifice your weekend to potentially look after the kids.

It’s not an emergency

They should postpone their honeymoon until they can get care for their kids or take a long weekend and maybe you can have them for three days?!

Most people who get married after having kids don’t get to take the traditional honeymoon unfortunately

Also I think you meant DD as DS means dear son 🙂

Thanks. I agree it’s not an emergency.

They did plan to get married and have a honeymoon before kids but then Covid meant their wedding plans got cancelled. My sister was already late 30s so they decided they couldn’t risk waiting any longer to try for children and had 2 close together.

i think they’ll end up cancelling it unfortunately.

DS also means dear sister.

I think she meant Dear sister

Are they nearby? Could they go to one of their friends after school and then you pick them up after work?

Combined with you and your husband taking off just one day each, it could work.

They’re about a 30 minute drive from our house and an hour or more from our work so it wouldn’t really work as we often don’t finish till 6.30pm. It wouldn’t be good for me to take time off at short notice for this and my husband wouldn’t as he has a lot on too.

What about his parents and siblings?

Sadlt, sh1t happens and YANBU.

They could take the children, but Im assuming they are young and your DS and her DH wont have a lot of them time.

I hope if they cancel they can get some money back 😞

@FailingToSleep DS is saying it’s an emergency situation so we should help her.

😂 I think you should send the definition of an "emergency" to your sister and tell her that if such a situation was to arise ofcourse she can count on you. Honeymoon doesn't qualify sadly (for her sake).

An emergency is a sudden, unexpected, and dangerous or serious situation—such as an accident or natural disaster—that requires immediate action to prevent harm, injury, or disaster.

Agree you shouldn’t cancel work. We had to step up for a friend once - I did morning and after school runs plus after school care and my working friend did overnights. Does she have someone to do school runs and after school care.

Rather than lose the money, she should change it and take the children with them. Ultimately you can’t skip work for this so either the GP manage during the week, or she has a choice to make.

She can potentially hire an emergency nanny. My job literally is temporary and emergency nannying for times like that. I understand its last minute so they likely wouldn't but its an option. You are not being unreasonable. They can surely claim on insurance or hopefully push back their trip?

I think she meant DSis

Did you bother to read the post before responding? His parents were supposed to have the kids. But his father has gone into hospital, precipitating the childcare crisis in question.

Personally I would help out my sister in this situation, and she would for me too. It's not just any random holiday... I would particularly help out if there is financial loss in cancelling.

If I can't take leave for the whole week, I would se which days could work and help find a solution for the others.

Obviously, it’s not an emergency. It might have been an emergency if they had needed to go to hospital on the day the grandfather was admitted, but now it is not.

Most people who have a job would be aware that you can’t just take a week off with no notice without there being consequences. It’s fair enough for colleagues to pick up slack when someone is ill, but if takes the piss to expect strangers to have a hard time at work so that a colleague’s family can go on holiday. It’s selfish and entitled of your sister and her partner to have any expectation of this.

It would be an emergency if your sister and BIL were already abroad, and the kids’ grandfather had had to go into hospital so there was no one available to look after them.

This isn’t an emergency. I also find it rather selfish of your sister to expect you to give up limited annual leave, forgoing the opportunity to take a holiday with your own children.

Oh I was shocked at first thinking DS was Dear Son, but as it's sister I agree it's not your problem and it's their responsibility to fix ☺️

I think she means Sister !

This. I would at least try. See if I could work shorter hours, or make the time up later (obviously this depends on the job). If work said no, then id have no choice. How old are the children?

I voted YABU when I thought you meant it was your own son. YANBU if sister.