Honeymoon and childcare

[FailingToSleep]

DS got married last month and she and her husband are due to go away on their honeymoon on Tuesday for a week. They have 2 children who were going to be looked after by their grandparents (husbands parents) when they were away. Her husband’s dad has had an accident on Friday and is in hospital. He is ok but they won’t be able to look after the children. His parents have told them to go ahead with the honeymoon if they can find alternative childcare.

We have been asked to look after the children when they go away but we’ve had to say no to weekdays due to work. We both work full time and although I could probably get the time off, the short notice wouldn’t look good. I have important meetings that would have to be rearranged and it would mean I’d have to cancel other leave that I had plans for with my husband and children. Annual leave takes a lot of planning and it’s usually booked months ahead.

We have said we will look after the children over the weekend as we are not working but they’ll need to find someone else for the weekdays. AIBU? I feel sorry that she’ll miss her honeymoon but I have work. DS is saying it’s an emergency situation so we should help her.

It’s not a life or death situation but tbh I can’t imagine not helping my sister out. I’d be gutted for them!

I don't understand these people who are obviously not living a "traditional" life as they already have kids, but all of a sudden want to get married and act like old fashioned bride and grooms. They're not newlyweds.

They should take the children on the holiday.

Dear sister

We are taking our child on our honeymoon, they can do the same!

It’s not an emergency, it’s not an ideal situation to be in. You can’t be expected to drop your own work at short notice when you’ve got things planned in. If they live half hour away I’m guessing the logistics wouldn’t work in a morning anyway in terms of getting them to school etc? (If they’re school age)

Are there no grandparents on your side OP who could split the care? How old are the children, would they be in school most of the week? Does her husband have any siblings who could help?
I would help my own DSis in this scenario, we’re really close and I’d hate to think of them missing out on their honeymoon. But similarly, I work very flexibly from home. I hope she has travel insurance!!

The Op is a bit scant on details but if they’re school age they just need someone to take them to school, they can do breakfast / after school club then someone just needs to pick them up from the club and be with them in the evening / night time. No one needs to take time off work.
if they’re preschool then the parents pay for a nanny during the weekdays and you can just stay over night with them. No AL needs to be taken.
i would be working hard with my Dsis to find a solution to this

Can’t your parents help? Are you the only sibling? If not then I agree with PP it is not an emergency they can either postpone or take them. After all it’s not like they’re young and just got married they have already built a life together . Let’s be honest it’s just a holiday in this case really

At my work i just wouldnt be allowed a week for this at short notice. For an emergency with my own kids, yes, someone else's no. I would probably ask if they can find local friends to help with school runs & offer to be there overnight.

Agreed. They chose to get married after children. They could ring ahead to see if they could be added to the booking. If not they’ll have to postpone the honey moon. I would not mess with my annual leave as it will mean leaving you short and takes away from spending it with your family.

I think it's a bit off that they go on holiday without their children anyway. You are always firstly a parent and secondly a spouse. The "honeymoon" thing is just an excuse - they have kids together so it should be a family holiday.

Working hours are 9-5.30 and lots of people have a commute. When i'm at work i'm gone from 7.50am to 6.45pm. If did school runs I could only be at work 10-2!

Breakfast clubs /after school club cant take a random child who isnt usually booked in, they are usually full.

What OP cant provide due to her work is those wraparound hours.

I think I’d try harder to help with a solution. Eg look at diaries and see what would work in conjunction with others. Eg. You could do it in conjunction with an emergency nanny, you could do it Monday night and Thursday night.

It’s a rubbish situation because insurance is unlikely to cover it.

This is why I say the op is scant - there’s a lot we don’t know.
Breakfast / after school clubs in my kids school absolutely can take a child who isn’t normally booked in! I use them ad-hoc and last minute myself. So if it were my sister, who lives about 45 mins away from me, I would suggest this and help in the evenings / over night. Failing that she should pay for someone to sort the getting to and from school and I would stay eve / overnight.

Yanbu, this is what parenting is. I couldn’t take time off work for my sister to take a holiday without that impacting my career.

So could other people it ia not the ops doing

Don't agree with this. Seems rather puritanical.

Yeah, I mean … I’ve never been away without mine, ever. One night away from ds when I had dd! I’m now wondering how I would feel if a long awaited break went tits up and devastated is probably the word!

They should take their kids, if they wanted a child free honeymoon they should have waited to have kids. It’s not other people’s job to sort this for them.

Think this is a dreadful shame for your sister, totally understand her disappointment. It's not an emergency though. I wouldn't sacrifice my annual leave for this.

I think you are being a little inflexible. If you are close to your sister, then you can at least try to help. That's the whole point of family. Simply saying oh it's their problem, is not nice. Could you all work out some kind of solution? Is there any other family nearby?

What about husbands family. Can't any of them do something?
I think youve been generous to offer the weekends. There are lots of places where leave at this sort of notice would be really tricky.

As you'd have to cancel leave plans with your own children in order to help during the week, YANBU to say no to that part. The reality is that people with caring responsibilities are often in the position where they have no slack with their leave.

It’s probably too late to change the booking, or is definitely a Not For Young Children break.