The Plus One is coming on her own.

[BeleagueredBride]

We had a disaster at the beginning of the year as my partner became ill. We had to cancel our wedding. Thankfully we were insured and more importantly he is fine.

All set to go again although six people who said yes iat Easter cannot make the new date.

My partner originally wanted to invite a guy, a more recent friend, he was becoming close to but we had no room but now we can accommodate him Partner has met his partner in passing and I have met the guy in passing but never met his partner.

We invited him and as a matter of courtesy his partner as his plus one.

Reply came back he is staying at home to look after kids but she is coming! WTF?

I want to reply explaining that she was essentially his plus one . Why would you go alone to a virtual stranger’s wedding? She possibly knows two other couples but really?

My partner says we have to suck it up.

What would you do?

Yes it's weird; no, I wouldn't uninvite her; no, I wouldn't care so long as she came on her own.

Christ, all this over one person doing something out of the norm. The HORROR. Never go to an Irish wedding. Half the people don’t know the bride and groom, never mind each other. But they’re all the best of pals by the end of the night😃

But the invitation wasn't just for the bloke, was it? It specifically named each of them. OP's fiancé really can't go to them and say "Yes, we invited you but we didn't really mean it, you're not welcome".

Wow. She’s a balsy lady.

This. Who cares? Bit of a nasty post on OPs part.
She was named on the invite. She probably would like a night out.
Shouldn't have invited her if you didn't want her to come. If her name's on there it probably hasn't even occurred to her that she's not wanted if he's not there.

ask his friend why he's sending his other half

Is she not a competent person in her own right, with any agency of her own, then? Can she only do what her partner tells/allows/sends her to do - and only accept invitations that people give to her if he permits it?

I'm more surprised anyone thinks it's feasible. Seen a few times on here posters being advised to get someone else to do the awkward work for them in a delicate social situation, if they don't want to put on their big girl pants. I'm not sure there's actually much of a supply of people volunteering to have the cringe conversations so others don't have to.

If a friend of mine were in OPs position and wanted me to tell the plus one what a weirdo she was being just so I didn't have to do it, I would not be impressed.

Of course he can. Naming someone's partner on an invite is not an entirely unrelated invitation.

She’s never met the bride - and only met the groom in passing!

Late in the day? It's at Easter!

Where does OP say he doesn't know the bloke that well? She says he's a more recent friend her fiance was becoming close to. That's nothing like "met 3 times in passing".

And if they had ever socialised as a couple this would not be as surprising or quite as bonkers of them. BUT THEY HAVEN'T.

The made up shit people come up with on AIBU to give a poster a hard time is unbelievable sometimes.

So?

Whah?!

A friend and I were invited to another friends destination wedding g many years ago. It was a long haul flight in a remote area. We wouldn’t have really known anyone, so in a conversation I said I probably wouldn’t go.

i had the invitation (I was closer and had kept in touch more), she said great, I’ll go with my boyfriend. When I said but he isn’t invited, she laughed and said he can take your place🫣.

they didn’t go in the end, but I was shocked that she though the invitation was transferable.

This is on you. Of course she’s invited. You named her on the invite instead of stating Plus one.

It would be the height of bad manners to rescind the invitation at this stage.

I mean, it's not something I'd do, as I'd feel more comfortable knowing the bride and groom well.
The OP says she probably knows a few other couples there, so maybe she was looking forward to attending and getting dressed up and going out without the kids.
She was invited.

Call me old fashioned but I’d assume wedding guests would have at least met the bride, and know one or the other well. The friend should be going, not the gf. If he doesn’t want to go they should decline. But I feel
like the horse has bolted on this one.

It’s a wedding - not a night out.

'Late in the day' as in 'second wave' of invitations. Granted, they might not know their main family or friends well enough to realise that they all had their invitations much earlier.

He obviously does know the bloke better; but nothing about how OP described it suggested to me that they were firm friends. They were on the reserve list to begin with, so that kind of underlines that they aren't.

They haven't socialised as a couple yet; but surely this often comes later, once people with to whom they are becoming closer DO become good close friends? Not always, but frequently. If they start meeting at one of their houses, it would be very odd to just ignore their partner who was there too.

I'm not trying to give OP a hard time, but I just believe that she/they made a decision and now has to stand by it - largely because she didn't understand how people normally communicate the idea of 'plus one' and thought that's what she'd done, when she clearly hadn't.

I don't really see the big deal anyway. It's very common for people to have friends-of-friends or associates, friends of their parents, distant family whom they don't really know et al at their weddings. You don't have to speak to anybody beyond a brief "How are you? Thanks for coming". They were already willing to have her there and pay for her food, so again, where's the issue? Why would they stress so much about it, unless they actively dislike her... in which case they surely wouldn't have invited her in the first place?

Its weird of her undoubtedly. But by far weirder to tell her she can't come. Its mean spirited given it makes no difference to you if she's there alone or with the invited guy and would be appallingly bad manners on your part.
"You see Sandra, when we invited you, we didn't actually want you, the person. We actually just saw you as an assessory to Keith, kind of like a human manbag, so there's no need for you now, so please don't come..."

But (named or not) she was only invited out of politeness because she’s the partner of the guest who actually knows the bride/groom. Any normal person knows this!

I don't think you can TELL her not to come seeing as you invited her by name, but you can perhaps suggest your partner politely discourages his mate 'Hey Steve, pity you can't come to the wedding. Just wondering if Jenny will be okay on her own, if she doesn't know anyone else? I wouldn't want her to feel awkward being the only person when everyone else will be in big groups,' or 'Hey Steve, just checking, does Jenny know anyone else at the wedding? We're wondering what table to put her on, as she'll probably be the only one there on her own.'

tbh half of this would be nosiness as I'd hope 'steve' 's response gives an insight into how the fuck they arrived at the decision that she would be going when the actual person who is friends with the groom stays at home!

I'd be concerned that she thinks she can bring a random person as her plus one. Sounds unlikely but I've heard of far weirder things before.

but how are they at the wedding in the first place if they don't know the bride or groom?