The Plus One is coming on her own.

[BeleagueredBride]

We had a disaster at the beginning of the year as my partner became ill. We had to cancel our wedding. Thankfully we were insured and more importantly he is fine.

All set to go again although six people who said yes iat Easter cannot make the new date.

My partner originally wanted to invite a guy, a more recent friend, he was becoming close to but we had no room but now we can accommodate him Partner has met his partner in passing and I have met the guy in passing but never met his partner.

We invited him and as a matter of courtesy his partner as his plus one.

Reply came back he is staying at home to look after kids but she is coming! WTF?

I want to reply explaining that she was essentially his plus one . Why would you go alone to a virtual stranger’s wedding? She possibly knows two other couples but really?

My partner says we have to suck it up.

What would you do?

You know what? If this couple were good enough to invite with names to your wedding, then they can send whoever they want.

And if he's good enough to invite to your wedding, maybe it's good enough to think, "hey, maybe, of the two of them, she really needs the night out". It's only her who might suffer from not knowing many people, I didn't care who wasn't at my wedding on the day, I was too busy with the people who were there.

I've never been fussy about that sort of thing though - I've been a last minute substitute guest at a hen do, and they said I saved the day by dealing with a mardy guest - had more fun at that hen do than I did at a hen do with friends of 10y the week before.

Your wedding seems like a really important thing right now - and it is important - but it's not the be all and end all of who will be your friend forever. I only met my two best friends three years ago, and it's so weird they weren't at my wedding. They'd be my bridesmaids if I was choosing today!

If she was named, she's not a plus one.

You invited her, she accepted it. I dont really think you can tell her not to come now.

Sorry but that would be an awful thing to do - so rude! She was invited by name and has accepted the invite - she hasn’t done anything wrong. Maybe she’s had a really tough time and the partner said oh go and have a great night - maybe neither want to go and she drew the short straw to be the one to have to go - maybe he hates weddings but doesn’t want to be rude with neither going. Don’t invite people to your wedding if you don’t want them there, end of story

He's a fairly new friend himself. He possibly hates weddings, she possibly loves them and knows some people there.

Both their names were on the invitation. They were both invited.

Do not 'say anything' or 'address anything with them'. What a horrible reaction from someone accepting an invitation.

What's even the problem with her going?

This is so weird. People are bloody odd.

If I was your partner I would say to his friend ‘Mate I was quite surprised that you’re not coming and Lucy is. She was your plus one, the invite was for you. Poor girl won’t know a soul there. Honestly please don’t feel obliged for her to accept the invite, it was for you, had I known you couldn’t have come, I wouldn’t have put her in this awkward spot’.

She’s not a plus one, you have invited her.

It might have surprised you she's accepted - I won't debate if that is odd, but I don't personally think you can uninvite her now without seeming really rude and possibly embarrassing her. Plus, she might end up being lovely and having a great time!

But it's not always as cut and dried as that. The fact that they are the spouse or partner of the person whom you have a connection with can often be enough for you to automatically accept them too.

My Uncle would never have become my Uncle, and I would never, ever have even known him, if my Aunt (my DM's DSis) hadn't met and chosen to marry him... does that mean that, once she had died, I should have considered him irrelevant and had nothing more to do with him, now the linking person was no longer around?

Aside from that, some people and cultures seem to go for a 'the more the merrier' attitude and will gladly invite almost everybody they've ever known or had any kind of loose connection with - a bit like with many Irish funerals. Indeed, some people have a very tiny social circle, meaning that you can be a lot more significant to them in their lives than vice versa. The same as, in everyday life, lonely people at the bus stop or the supermarket checkout will be desperate to have a good chat, because they have nobody else to do so with.

It's stating the obvious, but if you don't really want somebody at your celebration, the easiest thing really is not to invite them.

Absolute gold. I love MN

That sounds like you're restructuring a professional workplace; it's extremely rude and cold in a social setting.

Get someone else who’s going to the wedding to casually strike up a convo about it and tell her it’s how weird it is that she’s going as she’s clearly the +1. Maybe she’ll realise and change her mind.

Maybe as they are new friends she thinks she is being polite. Maybe it's not cheeky maybe they just dont understand. Give them rhe benefit of the doubt.

The whole concept of a Plus One came about because of this same scenario: so that everybody (inviter, invitee and +1) knew exactly where they stood. I can't understand why you would neglect to use the perfect specific term and then complain when your intention is misconstrued.

It would be a bit like going to the greengrocer's and asking for apples, but then being cross at him for giving you apples, instead of the oranges that you actually wanted, but which you refer to as apples, because you randomly don't like to use the word 'oranges'!

She might think she's being polite.

I think that would be scheming, bullying and nastier than just facing the embarrassment of telling them straight that they don't want her if he isn't coming too.

Very odd.

Surely your partner rings his mate to discuss it?

You never know who will become great friends of yours..plus this mate may end up marrying this girl. Id welcome her

Why would he be alone all evening?

Do nothing. Enjoy the day. She might turn out to be a really good friend one day.

I’d secretly find it strange but slightly funny/ cool/ okay hilarious. I think suck it up really!

If she was named, she's not a plus one.

This. I have never received a wedding invitation with "plus one" on it, even when I was single. I either got an invitation for me alone or I would be contacted by the B/G for the details of the person coming with me so that they could be named on the invitation or possibly receive a separate invitation.

I think it's bad form to disinvite an invitee, no matter the reason you invited them.

I'm with the PPs who say you've invited her by name and it would be incredibly rude to turn around and rescind it now. As far as they were concerned, they were both invited. Both names were equally on the invitation. Only one of them can come, and for whatever reason they've decided it's her. They may genuinely believe that as long as one of them goes to represent them, it doesn't matter which. They can't read your mind and don't know that you only wanted him really. She may have been grateful for the invitation and doesn't want to look rude by turning it down.

You don’t seem to understand what a plus 1 is @BeleagueredBride . It isn’t when you name a guest on the invite. Simple really. Or at least one would think

My guess? This little detail has something to do with it all…

My partner says he has met her three times in passing. On one of these occasions it was because his friend needed a lift.
He then offered her a lift literally down the road which she accept

I mean... she has never even met the bride and is only a passing acquaintance with the groom. It would be fairly obvious to most people.

If you put her name on the invite she isn't a plus 1, she's an invited guest. Time to suck it up, you'll be too busy to notice her anyway.

Hopefully you'll get a nice present 😉.