The Plus One is coming on her own.

[BeleagueredBride]

We had a disaster at the beginning of the year as my partner became ill. We had to cancel our wedding. Thankfully we were insured and more importantly he is fine.

All set to go again although six people who said yes iat Easter cannot make the new date.

My partner originally wanted to invite a guy, a more recent friend, he was becoming close to but we had no room but now we can accommodate him Partner has met his partner in passing and I have met the guy in passing but never met his partner.

We invited him and as a matter of courtesy his partner as his plus one.

Reply came back he is staying at home to look after kids but she is coming! WTF?

I want to reply explaining that she was essentially his plus one . Why would you go alone to a virtual stranger’s wedding? She possibly knows two other couples but really?

My partner says we have to suck it up.

What would you do?

I honestly cannot believe some of the responses here, and that is saying a lot for mumsnet. It’s fine you think it’s a bit odd and you didn’t expect it to turn out like this but it’s a mess of your own making, you invited her! By name! If anyone I knew in real life actually made someone feel so uncomfortable and unwanted as to uninvite them from a wedding and I wouldn’t talk to them anymore. And to get your partner to say it to her partner - could you imagine if yours came home and had to tell you that they think you’re weird and aren’t actually invited? Get over yourselves

Why don’t you read the thread?

I did read the thread - there’s been multiple suggestions of getting the partner to say it to her - someone even suggested saying that if he’s not going then she isn’t allowed as they’d rather their aunt now - come on!

She was invited by name...

What's to say that her partner can't be arsed and she's saying - well, one of us should show our face out of politeness! I'll go then, break from kids...

Just an alternative view.

Don't change things now or assuming she's weird. Maybe she'll come, drop off a present and politely leave.

It would look petty to uninvite her.

Exactly.

Also, it would have looked odd if OP and DF had addressed her as +1 when they knew her name. No doubt people would have considered that rude too.

We can't win, it seems.

eta. Also loving that people think a bride has time to "cultivate" brand new friends when she'll be busy celebrating with the existing ones! She's getting married, not providing social support.

Bottom line, she was invited and she's coming. Yes, I think it's completely freaking weird of them, but that's their look-out. You can't uninvite her - well, you can, but neither of them will ever want to talk to either of you again. Could be very awkward if you have friends in common.

It could be that he hates weddings and she loves them.

Anyway, just suck it up. It's one guest. These kinds of weird things happen with weddings.

If she's really so dim she doesn’t realise she’s just the Plus One, your DP is going to have to get on the phone and spell it out to his friend. I wouldn’t care what the “etiquette” dictates tbh.

It's the only way.

Yes! I mean, what do you think she’s going to do?

It’s someone’s wedding, not her big night out. 😒

she’s a weirdo, who does that? I would just get your dp to sort it out.

It is a bit strange but I don't think you can tell her not to come. She was invited imho even if her name wasn't actually on the invitation.

That’s the problem with inviting people- they might actually turn up.

It's a bit awkward of her, but I don't see how you can dis-invite her without it feeling very rude and even more awkward than it already is. Your partner could get in touch with his friend and try to convince him to find childcare and come, too, but really, the best thing to do is just accept that this is what's happening. You may find you both like her if you spend a little time with her, and if it's like most weddings, you'll be so busy that you'll barely have to speak to her at all if you don't want to.

Yes if you want to sound unhinged. Her name was on the invite, not a plus one. How patronising, ‘poor girl’ indeed. Why would she be in an awkward situation? She obviously wants to come, if she didn’t they would decline. I would think someone had no manners or social skills if they said this to me.

Oops.

You can't disinvite her when she was named on the invitation. That would be so rude.

Cycling?

Just because it's not what you would do. She's not a weirdo and it doesn't need 'sorting out' OP probably won't even see her or interact !

Have you considered the idea that she may be doing the emotionally heavy lifting for a male partner who hates weddings? Many guys dislike attending these kind of things.

She may be falling on her sword so that her partner doesn't show up her family by refusing the invite.
I don't think she is being cheeky at all, probably trying to save face for a partner who can't be arsed going and would rather stay at home pretending to mind the kids. It's probably her who would have picked out the card and present too.

It will no doubt be awkward for her even though she may know the other two couples a bit.

I don't know of anyone who would push into a wedding voluntarily, they are a slog if you're on the periphery of friends and family, and even if you're inner circle.
She probably felt obliged because her name is on the invite.

If you have time on the day why not just say 'thank you so much for coming even though I know you don't know us that well.'
She might turn into a better friend than her hubby.

If the bride wont have time to cultivate new friendships then how does it matter if both people show up or just one of them? Sounds like she won’t be talking to them anyway, so it really doesn’t make any difference.

its your wedding @BeleagueredBride son just suck it up and tell DH to be that he needs to message his mate and said he was the main invited one and explain you don’t want his plus 1 without him.

simple

so either he comes, they both come or neither of them do

She probably thinks she's doing you a favour

Yeah, there is that.

Having a chat with a friend when there's been a miscommunication (which is the most generous angle to assume here) is not rude.

Being named on an invite is not the same thing as being equal to the guest who has a relationship with one of the couple. It's a way to ask a friend to bring their partner but not open the invite to a friend of the friend/child/mother/mistress/etc. the way a generic plus one does.

Her having had a really tough time is irrelevant. Other people's wedding aren't an opportunity to party for yourself, they're a celebration of the marrying couple. Her partner turning down the invite and babysitting while she went out with friends would be fine. Sending her to the wedding on her own is awkward at best and cheeky fuckery at worst.

She’s not really a plus one as she was named on the invitation. I’m afraid you have to be polite and go along with it.