The Plus One is coming on her own.

[BeleagueredBride]

We had a disaster at the beginning of the year as my partner became ill. We had to cancel our wedding. Thankfully we were insured and more importantly he is fine.

All set to go again although six people who said yes iat Easter cannot make the new date.

My partner originally wanted to invite a guy, a more recent friend, he was becoming close to but we had no room but now we can accommodate him Partner has met his partner in passing and I have met the guy in passing but never met his partner.

We invited him and as a matter of courtesy his partner as his plus one.

Reply came back he is staying at home to look after kids but she is coming! WTF?

I want to reply explaining that she was essentially his plus one . Why would you go alone to a virtual stranger’s wedding? She possibly knows two other couples but really?

My partner says we have to suck it up.

What would you do?

Then she's so socially unaware she either always feels weird or nothing much makes her feel weird.

Take the place of someone the couple actually know and like.

Are you really going to cultivate a friendship with them as a couple after this? I would see it as a big indication they will be hard work and swerve that.

It isn't a nascent friendship with them both. He's hardly met the woman and OP hasn't met her at all.

I mean, it’s bizarre and I can’t imagine this would be at all enjoyable for most people, but technically she isn’t a plus one, she’s a named guest, so that is different.

Honestly, I would let it go (things may change before then anyway), but you will barely see your guests. The night goes by very quickly and you’ll hardly notice her there.

What a very strange thread. Can hear the convo between the invited pair now.

“babe, you know that weird couple who had to reschedule their wedding, they invited us”

Girl , “oh shit do we have to go?”

Him “It’s the polite thing to do, let’s draw lots”

Her”oh crap it’s me”.

“Okay I’ll go, just to be polite”

Op…you invited her by name. You’re the weirdo for now hoiking your pearls and handbag going “oh my”.

If you don’t want someone to accept don’t invite them. Cancel the wedding …you can’t possibly let it go ahead with HER there 🙄

I don't agree with calling her a weirdo. But turning up alone at the wedding of two near strangers (because meeting someone in passing doesn't even make them an acquaintance IMO) when she's not likely to know anyone else there is a bit odd.

Crikey this is an odd one. As you have met her it would have been rude to not name her on the invitation. Can you imagine what she might have posted on here if you hadn’t. “They’ve met me a few times and apparently can’t remember my name or are they implying my partner will be taking someone else. Do they know something I don’t?”

But she can hardly think she is independently close enough to be welcome without her boyfriend. That’s some ego. Or She just really love weddings. I hope that means she really loves buying wedding presents too.

You named the plus one, so it wouldn’t be obvious to her that she wasn’t supposed
to be invited. Maybe her DH thinks you get on with her better than he gets on with your DH. Maybe he has an event he’s already planning on attending to it seemed “fair” for her to go to your wedding? If she does know other couples and her name was on the invite, I cant imagine why it should be “obvious” to her that she was “only a plus 1”.

Well it's a possibility, isn't it. Some ppl are.

Invite her to the hen do, then you can get to know her? Seriously though, I’d suggest your fiancé has a word with his friend

You invited her, let her come

I don't think anyone can say that this isn't a little bit odd, and I don't think I have ever known anyone do this before. However, I would still allow her to come, and would welcome her.

I'm sorry your wedding was ruined earlier in the year because your partner was ill @BeleagueredBride and I hope all goes well on the next one!

I would not uninvite this woman though. She may be really nice, and could be a good friend. I think it would be poor etiquette to uninvite her, and she may be quite hurt. As has been said, she is a named guest. Not just a plus-one.

It is odd though.

If they were both coming, and he bailed at the last minute because he was ill, and she came alone, I would get that... But for him to stay home with the children, and send his girlfriend (when you don't know her really, and have only met her a couple of times,) well yeah, that is a bit strange.

It’s weird but you did invite her.

there was a cracking story on here about a couple who couldn’t attend a wedding so their parents came in their place🤣🤣.

People have very strange ideas.

The OP has never met her.
Her fiancée is friends with the plus one's OH and has met plus one in passing.

Maybe that’s their thinking but it’s still weird!

Everyone knows that it’s the person who is friends with the bride or groom who is the actual person being invited, the other half is just there as their plus one, even if they’re named on the invitation.

Indeed. Normally, people would just address the invitation to the actual friend and then, when they give it to them, mention informally that they can bring a friend if they want to - either immediately or if they express concerns about not knowing anybody else there.

I do think they are being a bit weird, but you can't uninvite her now. You'll have to suck it up.

This is coming across as somewhat 'mean girl' - where "Yes, I did say that; but you should have known what I really meant". She might not get social clues, she might be autistic; and/or she might just be one of those people who believe that what honest, trustworthy people say is what they mean.

Nah this is ridiculous. She needs to be told she's being weird AF or this behaviour may continue! What is wrong with people!

Can your partner ask his friend why he's sending his other half (who the bride has never met) instead of coming himself?!

Doesn't mean you need to just accept it, though.

Of course it’s weird, it’s irrelevant that she was named on the invite. Everyone knows that the person with the primary relationship to the bride/groom is who the invite is for really, inviting their partner as well is just a courtesy. Unless both are actually friends with the B&G, but that isn’t the case here.

The men don't really know each other that well, though.

All the couple know is that they were invited rather late in the day to the wedding of people whom they probably wouldn't normally expect to consider inviting them... so if you read between the lines, that's rather giving "Ah, we've had lots of people decline and we're thinking who else we can invite to make up the numbers" vibes.

Moreover, surely a lot of people socialise as couples, don't they? It seems a very MN thing that women only have female friends, men only have male friends, and they wouldn't dream of developing any friendship bonds or having anything at all to do with the spouses of their same-sex friends.

Absolutely make it clear his plus one is not to attend alone!! I would gently explain that the invitation was for him and the way a 'plus one' works is that he is free to invite anyone he likes "so he doesn't have to attend alone". But if not attending, then the invite is nullified!! As if adults need a plus one explaining to them!!

So weird!

EDIT: Hang fire.. did you name her on the invite??? Then she isn't even a 'plus one'?? She is an invited guest! Can't tell her not to come now!

Hi Muppet,

Just a quick one - so sorry we got our wires crossed - please let your plus one know that they're only to attend with someone who was specifically invited (that's of course how a 'plus one' works!) - we wouldn't be comfortable with strangers attending our wedding and prefer to keep a spot open for our friends and family, sure you understand! Sorry, we assumed everyone understood how plus one's worked and we apologise unreservedly if that wasn't clear. We'll see you another time if we don't see you on the day - speak soon!

You did name her on the invite, so technically you did invite her. But then again, if you'd met her, naming her on the invite was the right thing to do, so it's a very tricky one.

I think you need to let her come - but I think she's a bit strange for accepting it. If I were in her shoes, I'd actively be looking for ways not to attend a wedding where I wouldn't really know anyone.

You could always use her as a filler to sit next to the person no one else can stand....