Disgusted by DP’s behaviour at a Wedding today

[Pregnantupset]

I’m sat typing this in my hotel room after being at a Wedding today. I’m pregnant so haven’t been drinking and am at my wits end with my ‘D’P and feel so stuck now after what has happened today.

I believe he has a problem with alcohol, he has drunk so much in recent months and just blames it on the stress of his job and being a Dad soon. He has these massive sessions on a weekend and drinks to excess with his mates (nearly all single).

Today, he was pissed within two hours of arriving at 1pm, constantly disappeared leaving me with others I hardly know and didn’t see how I was feeling at any point.

The speeches were a bit of a farce, it ended up with people with no ‘role’ taking turns to speak and he asked to say a few words. I knew it was going to be bad and his friends were banging the tables to ‘gee’ him up.

He rambled on, was swearing and made a remark about the bride and groom having sex and that he ‘slipped the groom a blue pill to make sure it’s a memorable first shag’.

Someone came into the room from the direction of the toilets mid speech and he pointed him out and said something about him ‘lining one up’ which his mates all found hilarious.

He has been an utter embarrassment and I’m glad he is still downstairs allowing me to relax in peace.

choosing to have a baby with someone who has a drink problem is a recipe for a lifetime of misery - for you and your child.
have a very long hard think about the kind of environment you want your child to grow up in and what kind of dad you want it to see as a role model .

He sounds like a dead loss.
If you can’t respect him, you have nothing.
Think about leaving because it will be far easier now than when the baby is born or a young toddler.

Just leave and make a decent life for yourself and your child.

Sounds like he’s big into thr lad lifestyle. Why did you chose to have a child with him?

Has he always had issues with drink

Sounds like an immature coke head as well as a drinker.

Sadly just because you are pregnant doesn't mean he will step up.

Hang on, how often and how recently? Has he always been like this or is it new?
He may be struggling with the idea of being a dad which is absolutely fine, he is allowed. He isn't allowed to burden you with it.
If it's a deal breaker for you then you're better off ending things now and working on being civil co-parents.

His jokes sound crass and, even though DH and I love a good drink, I would have been furious if someone did that at my wedding. I wonder how the B&G took it?

Sounds like a scene from Shameless, he won’t get any better you know. You need to plan your life without him for the sake of your child.

This.

He has a drink problem. He can't be a decent father to your child. You'll never be able to trust him to drive your dc anywhere, or leave the baby in his care. You're going to spend every weekend on edge. He is fundamentally unreliable.

How far gone are you? Do you have supportive family or finances that allow you to leave now? I'm sorry OP but I've been there and you are setting yourself up for years of misery and you'll leave in the end.

Presumably this isn't new behaviour ?

I know quite a few young men with stressful jobs who are excited to become Dads in the next few weeks and months, None of them behave like that.

Are you close to his other family members - parents and siblings? Is it worth letting them in on how concerned you are about his recent drinking and drug use? It's not your problem to solve alone.

So he has only started his drink problem since you were pregnant?

He may be struggling with the idea of being a dad which is absolutely fine, he is allowed.

Yes he is allowed to be struggling with the idea of being a Dad. But that doesn't excuse him spending his time ,and money, having drinking binge with his single pals, doing drugs, and making offensive and crude speeches. Ifhee is struggling with the idea of being a Dad he should be talking to OP.about what is worrying him and they should be working on things together.

I'm afraid I agree with pp that I dont think Things will get any better OP and you would be better off with life as a single parent rather than trying to live with a drink and drug riddled man who obviously would prefer to be single like his pals.

He might change-some people seem to go a bit crazy in their "last bit of freedom", especially when their friends are still single, and still turn into brilliant dads. Yes, it would be better if they started being good dads in pregnancy, but there are a lot that do sort themselves out. You have to ask yourself, and him, will he be one of them?

You can still create a lovely life for your child without him. Would you want your child growing up thinking this is normal and acceptable behaviour?

Well the father would still have access unless the courts or social services step in

He’s clearly a coke head too if he keeps disappearing to the toilet. Bin him off.

I think it's time for you to have a serious discussion with him (when you're home and he's sober) and lay your cards on the table. If he doesn't stop the heavy drinking, you're not prepared to stay with him and have this baby together. If he's not prepared to sort himself out, this will be 100 times worse when you have the baby. You will need him to step up and look after you while you recover from the birth and establish feeding, changing and sleeping routine with the baby. You need someone who is capable of making meals, cleaning, laundry and caring for a newborn. If he can't control his drinking, he's not capable of being a responsible father.

Sorry op, this isn’t going to get any better once baby is here.

He is a total nightmare. Unless he quits drinking completely your life will be a nightmare too.

I had a bit of a drink problem. I upset a good friend of mine by being an absolute arse at a wedding we were both at. I haven’t touched alcohol since because it wasn’t worth me fucking my life and friendships up.

After his hangover has passed I’d seriously ask him to stop drinking. If I can do it for my friend and husband he can do it for his wife and baby. And if he won’t? Well then he has decided the outcome which is separation.

Sounds like drink and coke if he’s always disappearing.

Is this new behaviour?

How embarrassing. It sounds like this is what his friendship group is like though. How did the bride and groom take it?

Its not brilliant but tbh i was expecting much worse from the title.