Disgusted by DP’s behaviour at a Wedding today

[Pregnantupset]

I’m sat typing this in my hotel room after being at a Wedding today. I’m pregnant so haven’t been drinking and am at my wits end with my ‘D’P and feel so stuck now after what has happened today.

I believe he has a problem with alcohol, he has drunk so much in recent months and just blames it on the stress of his job and being a Dad soon. He has these massive sessions on a weekend and drinks to excess with his mates (nearly all single).

Today, he was pissed within two hours of arriving at 1pm, constantly disappeared leaving me with others I hardly know and didn’t see how I was feeling at any point.

The speeches were a bit of a farce, it ended up with people with no ‘role’ taking turns to speak and he asked to say a few words. I knew it was going to be bad and his friends were banging the tables to ‘gee’ him up.

He rambled on, was swearing and made a remark about the bride and groom having sex and that he ‘slipped the groom a blue pill to make sure it’s a memorable first shag’.

Someone came into the room from the direction of the toilets mid speech and he pointed him out and said something about him ‘lining one up’ which his mates all found hilarious.

He has been an utter embarrassment and I’m glad he is still downstairs allowing me to relax in peace.

Sounds like he has a problem with coke

Hopefully becoming a dad will make him see sense with the drinking, if not then have your ducks in a row so you can get rid if you need to.

If he keeps disappearing to the loo then drink is the least of your problems.

leave. Build a better life for you and your baby.

Sounds like he’s just ruined someone’s wedding.

how awful

Honestly op, ive been you and now divorced and parenting 100% as he will not step up! These men 🤦🏻‍♀️

And some go to the other extreme and are completely not ok to be a parent. Mine started hitting me once I was pregnant and it got far far worse after I gave birth.

i would advise any pregnant female noticing changes in their partner once they are pregnant to leave for their own safety.

So sorry OP. This must be very hard for you.

I think he has a drink problem and quite possibly a coke problem too. Having a baby will not change this. In fact having a baby is pretty stressful and all the ways you already use to cope with stress become amplified. Do not think for a moment the responsibility of having a small baby will change him - even if assures you he will change/stop after the baby is born.

I presume there are things about him that you love and value so he may be worth giving an ultimatum to rather than just leaving. But you have to mean it and follow through. None of this will get better after the baby.

Yes, this. Both of you will be better off without the nightmare that will unfold if you stay. I lived it, just make sure you dont xx

Disappearing all the time, you say?

I’d bet anything it’s not just alcohol you have to worry about. Run for the hills.

I think this has been a real eye opener for you @Pregnantupset . The scene you described just made me think he's one of those for whom going out with the Lads is the be all and end all.

But think about how upset you are about his behaviour now and how you will feel when it continues and you have a small baby to care for.
Consider: (you don't have to answer this here)

• Is this new behaviour, if not how long has it been going on for?
• Do you often feel left behind whilst he carries on partying? You are currently upset in the hotel room. What has his reaction been?
• Can you rely on him to stay sober around your due date so that he is sober enough to drive you to hospital?
• How many times a week does he currently go out drinking on his own with "The Lads" ?
• Will he be willing to cut down or will you be alone looking after the baby all the time?
• How many Lads trips/stag nights/ golf weeks are planned.
• Is it likely that the weekends are devoted to his friends/sport?
• Finances. Does he contribute his fair share to finances?
• How does he afford all the socialising/drinking/coke?
• How will you manage when you are on maternity leave if he doesn't curb his expenditure.
• is he managing to hold down a job atm.
• Is he excited about the baby's arrival. Have you had a conversation about what this will involve on his part. Is he coming to pregnancy classes with you? Is he likely to do his fair share of hands on parenting?
• What do your family and friends think about him.

You should also think about: how much support (family/friends) you have outside this relationship, your finances, where you will live. Are you planning to work after the maternity leave

It;'s a lot to think through.. but I think you need to take his behaviour this weekend as a warning and work out if its a one off or a sign of things to come and how you want to deal with that. Sorry op

I must be a right scummer, is this not average wedding behaviour

OP I had a very similar situation at a wedding and many other similar situations when pregnant with my eldest. It took 9 years, 100 public humiliations, another child and more to finally leave. I wish you more strength and faster prioritisation of yourself and your child than I had.

Oh no.
That would be like a poofhead convention on a bad american movie.
Op get rid of the overgrown man child and i hope he isbt takibg such recreational drugs becuase that is not a laugh.
Go and visit some of your family and friends to keep the balance of senseable in your life.

So again the OP posts and 3 hours later has disappeared.
In true MN fashion she has been advised to dump him immediately, no treatment, no trying, no answers to any questions....just dump him.
If a man posted on here that his wife had recently had a baby and had started drinking, there would be spades full of sympathy for her.
I'm surprised any marriage survives the unforgiving force that is MN.

I do agree but why do people have children with alcoholic, drug users, other unsuitable partners then wonder why telling them to stop doesn't mean they will

Give him an ultimatum. Given its impact on his behaviour, no more drinking, or you leave. If he values alcohol over his wife and baby, that tells you all you need to know.

What an embarrassment he is. He'll be an awful father if, as is likely, he can't/won't stop drinking.

I'd leave him, and not put him on the birth certificate or have/facilitate any contact with him when baby arrives.

They’re not married. This guy frankly doesn’t sound like the marrying type. And there’s no comparison between a man baby who does coke and ruins a wedding, and a woman who is suffering from postpartum depression.

Yet an ok man enough to have a child with?

A wedding you say. Whose wedding? His friend's? some men can become absolutely stupid in front of their friends as they want to make a blokey impression - you'd be surprised how many usually mature men turn into dickheads in these situations. Or maybe not.

I mean, I’ve heard worse wedding speeches. What he said wasn’t that bad. Regarding his general behaviour, he sounds very laddie. He shouldn’t have kept disappearing on you (sounds like maybe he was doing coke in the toilets?) What’s he like the rest of the time? If he’s supportive, trustworthy, and treats you well the rest of the time, it may be he’s just the kind of person who needs a bit of a drunken blowout every now and then. That doesn’t necessarily mean he’s not a good partner or that he won’t be a good father. I’d examine his behaviour the rest of the time first - if it’s just as bad as this, then you’d be better off leaving him. If the drinking is his only downside then you need to have a conversation about it and how it makes you feel.

Yes but the point @ThisWiseRobin is trying to make, is that real life relationships are much more complex than MN likes to pretend they are. You don’t just dump your partner, who you are pregnant by, because they got drunk at a wedding and acted like a twat. If that was the criteria for being dumped no one would be in a relationship ever! You don’t immediately dump them if you suspect they have a problem with alcohol either - you talk to them, try and help them. I think the people who love to immediately throw out LTB on here have a strange idea of what love is and don’t understand (or pretend not to understand) that it’s not all plain sailing, and that love includes support, care and compassion

I married this guy and it didn't improve. He's still using alcohol as a crutch in social situations 15 years later and I just ignore him at them and enjoy time with friends alone.

Please think carefully about what your future holds. You are bringing a child into the world and you need to create a safe loving environment for them. He clearly has a drink problem, doesn’t respect you and enjoys taking drugs with his mates. At a wedding too - awful! You deserve so much better. You don’t need him, he will cause you me end of problems in life. Use your family and friends for support. Good luck op ❤️

Just call it now OP, I know it’s not easy but this guy is a total dead loss. It’s not positive that he’s turning to drink at the prospect of being a father; how’s that going to go when the baby actually arrives.