Disgusted by DP’s behaviour at a Wedding today

[Pregnantupset]

I’m sat typing this in my hotel room after being at a Wedding today. I’m pregnant so haven’t been drinking and am at my wits end with my ‘D’P and feel so stuck now after what has happened today.

I believe he has a problem with alcohol, he has drunk so much in recent months and just blames it on the stress of his job and being a Dad soon. He has these massive sessions on a weekend and drinks to excess with his mates (nearly all single).

Today, he was pissed within two hours of arriving at 1pm, constantly disappeared leaving me with others I hardly know and didn’t see how I was feeling at any point.

The speeches were a bit of a farce, it ended up with people with no ‘role’ taking turns to speak and he asked to say a few words. I knew it was going to be bad and his friends were banging the tables to ‘gee’ him up.

He rambled on, was swearing and made a remark about the bride and groom having sex and that he ‘slipped the groom a blue pill to make sure it’s a memorable first shag’.

Someone came into the room from the direction of the toilets mid speech and he pointed him out and said something about him ‘lining one up’ which his mates all found hilarious.

He has been an utter embarrassment and I’m glad he is still downstairs allowing me to relax in peace.

It’s not just that he got drunk at a wedding and acted like a twat though is it. He is also a coke head.

Some of the oh he’s not that bad comments on this thread have flabbergasted me. Some people’s bar is so low it’s in the Mariana Trench.

Is this new behaviour or are you only noticing because you aren’t drinking? Either way, you don’t want this around your baby. Give baby your last name. Tell him to move out and he may possibly be allowed back if he deals with his drinking +/- coke problems. How would you feel if he handled coke and then it transferred to your baby?

Oh my god OP, I don’t know where to start with this. You poor thing. Why the fuck does he think being stressed about becoming a dad is a reason to get bladdered? It’s a good job you can’t get pissed because you’re the one having to carry a few bags of sugar around with you for nine months, and go through the stages of labour and childbirth. That is such a wanky reason to get pissed. Yes he may be stressed at work, but to be pissed within two hours of the wedding starting? Nah, it’s just an excuse to behave like a complete wanker. And his mates don’t sound any better. Banging on the tables to gee him on? How immature! I bet the bride is wondering what she’s got herself into. Perhaps it’s because I’m older and about to divorce someone who is a functioning alcoholic, that I despise this sort of behaviour. Is he usually like this? And to not check on you, what an arsehole! I hope he has the hangover from hell!

@Pregnantupset how are you feeling this morning?

I think I would have been so mortified I'd have driven home and left him there!!

It was a brave move choosing to have a baby with someone like this. I'd be tempted to walk away now as he clearly has no intention of growing up, or at the very least tell him he either stops drinking or leaves.

If you arrived by car, drive yourself home and let him worry about his own transport arrangements when he sobers up tomorrow. If you didn’t come by car, could you afford a taxi home? In your shoes, I would make every effort not to be there in the room when he comes to bed drunk and drugged up. He’ll likely sleep like a log and snore his head off and you will lie awake upset.

Was thinking exactly the same thing

Yes but they’ll leave them eventually. There’s only so much they will take.

I don't understand why people ask what to do about life with losers like this. How anyone could think that a life with a lush as a partner and father is going to work out just fine is deluded.

OP, you have a choice to make, make the right one. For you and your child.

Another poor child getting born into a shit show sadly may sound harsh but it's true.

It seems you have a very low bar

It certainly isn't at any weddings I've been to, and I've been to a lot of different weddings over a number of decades.

Nor any wedding I have been to either.

I’m home now.

He wasn’t taking anything himself. He gets tested regularly as part of his job and it would be career ending.

He hasn’t been able to do his job due to an injury he sustained in the spring and that coincides with the increased drinking. His contract ends next summer which is increasing his anxiety. At his age his career is approaching an end and he is scared as to what will come next. Financially he will be fine for a while (is still being paid) but between his career and becoming a Dad, he’s in a bit of a mess.

“He wasn’t taking anything himself. He gets tested regularly as part of his job and it would be career ending”
But if he’s not working at the moment so won’t be tested, perhaps he could have taken something ???
How did the bride react ?
was it recorded ?

He’s clearly the type who loves the sesh and he will 100% be sniffing coke when he’s out with his mates, do you know he does this or has done it in the past?
Sorry but the fact he carries on with this lifestyle when you are pregnant is not a good sign and he will be a nightmare at weekends once the baby arrives. I’d be surprised if he’s started this since you’ve been pregnant surely he was like this before?

I’m sorry you are having to deal with this! I ended up divorcing my husband of 17 years for this exact reason, he became an embarrassment. I would speak to him seriously and tell him he needs to get some help. Give him a time frame, if nothing changes, leave x

This gave me the ick so much my vagina dried up curled up and leapt out of my body for freedom 🤢

Don't make too many excuses for his behaviour. People are allowed to struggle but reaching for the bottle is not the answer, esp when you've a baby coming.

Go easy OP, hope he gets his shit together and some.

Sounds like a really raucous wedding. If he is drunk all the time that is different, but this just sounds like a wedding getting a bit out of control.

I don't know if you realise, but you've just excused and justified his behaviour.

I was once with a man like that. Ending the relationship meant walking away from a lot of my friends and I was incredibly lonely. BEST thing I ever did.

Today you saw an example of the real him, his true colours shining through during to alcohol lowering his inhibitions.

If this is the first time you've seen him like this, you don't know him very well. And no,the isn't going to change or calm down once you have kids together.

I’m so sorry you’re in this situation. You’ve got a few options here.

1. Ignore it and hope it’ll get better on its own (it won’t)

2. Schedule a time to talk to him calmly about his drinking and coke binges. How often, how much, for how long, how much has he spent? Etc. He probably doesn’t realise the effect it is having on him, you or your unborn baby, simply thinks you’ll take it, or doesn’t care. Make sure he knows. Spell it out. Find out what he thinks about it.

3. Set boundaries for yourself and your baby. This might be separating temporarily or permanently. His behaviour won’t change unless his friendship group does and he understands the psychological reasons for drinking/drugs to excess. It is possible to knock it all on the head but It won’t change until those are addressed and he wants it to. Sometimes it takes losing something to realise this.

If you show him you’re tolerating this behaviour now, it will give him the understanding he can continue as he is and open the door to worse behaviour. Give ‘em and inch and they’ll take a mile.

I’m sorry you’re having to do the adulting without him, when you need him to step up.

Reach out to a trusted friend who can help you practically, or a counsellor who can help you navigate your feelings around this.

Good luck x

This is a bit of a rubbish situation and would completely understand if you walked, but thought I'd share my situation for what it's worth.

My husband was similar with the drinking though not the behaviour so much, he'd just drink and fall asleep where he was. It was never an issue before we married or I'd have run a mile. Shortly after we got married he got a bad footballing injury (football was a huge part of his life). It really set him back a lot, then 6 months later his mum got cancer and passed the following year. Then covid happened. He has always been very active and didn't ever like being inside a lot. I joke about it but I do actually think he might have ADHD. We had our son the following year. I tried to cut him some slack because I knew he'd struggled a lot losing his mum, but after a couple of years I got utterly sick of it. One day it came to a head and I said it was the drink or his family. He chose us, and really sorted himself out. I know not everyone would do this, but it took me getting to a place where I couldn't deal with it anymore for him to fix it. In your situation I'd be inclined to cut straight to that because the middle part was rough.

From experience, it won’t get any better. I’ve spent many events say on my own whilst ex DH behaved like this.
I even left him to it and went to bed on our honeymoon, because he refused to leave a bar in the early hours. I should have known then!
I’m so sorry this is happening to you, I know how awful and embarrassing it is. Please plan your exit.

Well that doesn't make sense, saying he wouldnt take anything because he gets tested at work and then saying he's off work!