Disgusted by DP’s behaviour at a Wedding today

[Pregnantupset]

I’m sat typing this in my hotel room after being at a Wedding today. I’m pregnant so haven’t been drinking and am at my wits end with my ‘D’P and feel so stuck now after what has happened today.

I believe he has a problem with alcohol, he has drunk so much in recent months and just blames it on the stress of his job and being a Dad soon. He has these massive sessions on a weekend and drinks to excess with his mates (nearly all single).

Today, he was pissed within two hours of arriving at 1pm, constantly disappeared leaving me with others I hardly know and didn’t see how I was feeling at any point.

The speeches were a bit of a farce, it ended up with people with no ‘role’ taking turns to speak and he asked to say a few words. I knew it was going to be bad and his friends were banging the tables to ‘gee’ him up.

He rambled on, was swearing and made a remark about the bride and groom having sex and that he ‘slipped the groom a blue pill to make sure it’s a memorable first shag’.

Someone came into the room from the direction of the toilets mid speech and he pointed him out and said something about him ‘lining one up’ which his mates all found hilarious.

He has been an utter embarrassment and I’m glad he is still downstairs allowing me to relax in peace.

Has your partner always been like this? Or has he always liked a drink, but it's escalated since he found out you're pregnant?

Your partner ended up drunk within 2 hours of being at the wedding, continued to drink, and made a complete tit of himself within his impromptu speech.

I have to ask this question: does your partner actually want to be a Dad? Yes, he could be feeling overwhelmed at the prospect of fatherhood, but this behaviour is an extreme reaction, to feeling nervous/scared...all of which are perfectly normal emotions.

Your partner is an alcoholic or bordering on becoming one. You will be in for a life of misery if you stay with him. You need to think about your unborn baby, and the kind of life you want that child to have, as opposed to the one the child is likely to have to endure if you stay.

Sorry, I haven't had a chance to read all the posts as I am in a rush, and maybe someone else has said this - but you realise he doesn't just drink, he also uses cocaine?

That's what his comment about lining them up means.

You probably know this anyway, but I just wanted to make sure. I knew nothing about coke until my ex stated using it, and was very naive at first.

Because he didn't act like this prior to the pregnancy?

But obviously a woman with the "higher standards" you speak of would have used her crystal ball.....

Personally?……….I would book a taxi, pack my stuff and leave……unless you drove to the hotel in which case take the car and leave the drunken waste of oxygen to eventually sleep it off!
Do you really see a pleasant, functional existence with him? If not then get out now.

Coke too?

He's a lad...he might come ok in the end, they do often grow up, but it sounds like you'll be doing all the work.

Sounds like he was taking coke as well. What a loser.

Yes. The fact that he kept disappearing is worrying.
Disappearing to do what…

I think you need to rethink this relationship and possibly the pregnancy- this will get worse not better. At the very best he is not ready to be a Dad , at the worst he is an alcoholic who will not be any kind of partner or father- either way you need a rethink.

Standard alcoholic coke head, future failure father behaviour.

Put yourself and your child first. Thoroughly, and always. He's just a man.

How old is he? A lot of men are like this in their 20s but do change in their mid to late 30s onwards.

Sounds like an overall classy wedding🤯

This will not get better when the baby comes
are you not concerned about his behaviour when he eventually comes up to the room ?

Not even close

Well why weren't speeches done properly, sounds messy with it being a free for all to chip in after the booze and coke has been free flowing? Was the groom one of the mates egging him on too?

First post nails it again.

I can't believe that 5% of posters think his behaviour is reasonable.

You cannot fix him, and he will be a terrible father and a blight on your child's life. Hard as it will be to leave right now, it will be 10 times harder once the baby is born so get him out of your life right now. Be strong and powerful, he is a threat to your baby and you need to summon up all the ferocity of maternal instinct to get him gone.

Sounds like he's doing coke as well as booze?

This.
Sadly for you @Pregnantupset

I’d definitely read him the riot act today op. Tell him hes an embarrassment and when the baby arrives he needs to step up and be a good father not an immature piss head ‘lad’. Maybe he is just blowing off steam while he thinks he still can but it’s not an excuse to show himself up and leave you alone at an event like that. The real test will be if he changes his ways once your baby is here. If he still continues to go out drinking every weekend while you’re at home caring for his baby then I think that’ll be a miserable life for you and you’d need to rethink your options.

@Justgonnasaythisme too

YANBU

Need a bit more info OP. To help you.

How old are you both? He sounds immature. As do his friends. Most of us enjoy a good party, especially in 20s. But there’s a time and a place. Banging on tables at a wedding? Making drunken, sweary speeches about the happy couple having sex 🙈.

How long have you known him and been together? If years and he’s only been like this for a few months, could well be he’s only recently developed a drink/drug problem. But given his friends sound the same, looks like this just might be the way they all are. Either way, it’s the last thing you need with a baby on the way. Alcohol abuse is not at all easy to overcome. Or deal with as a partner.

How pregnant are you? Sorry to say this, but sounds like he’s not ready to be a father. Suggest you contemplate being a lone parent from the start. Would probably save you a lot of stress and heartache. I wouldn’t have any expectations of him whatsoever. Good luck 💐

This again! He was clearly not ready for settling down, sounds very immature and laddish, surely he was like this before you decided to have a baby with him? If all his single mates are egging him on all the time, and he doesn’t go against them, I think you are fighting a losing battle.

I would be fuming if at a wedding with people I didn’t know, and partner ditched me as soon as we got there!

Obviously you can’t turn back time but I think you need to re-think this relationship, as I don’t think he’s going to change much once baby is here.

The drugs are as big a problem.

He isn't likely to have a damascene conversion ahead of your baby's birth.

Sounds like he's a coke-head and a drinker. And like you might be better cutting your losses, people like this don't change because they have a baby. They do however use being a parent as their excuse for being stressed, having responsibilities, having blow-outs, even if in reality, their behaviour is unconstrained by the realities of being a parent and thdy are more hindrance than help. Wishing you luck, and hoping you won't need it.

Surely you have the permanent ick? Why would you even want to shag this ick man let alone choose to get pregnant?