AIBU- Stuffed Toy in the office.

[2021x]

I work in a newly formed team in an office. We have our team admin who I am going to guess is at least 26-28 y.o. woman.

We did one of those "professional" corporate team-building tests, and she seemed really confronted by some of the feedback she got. Since then, she has started acting more childlike and dependent and constantly seeking feedback on things she clearly can handle herself.

Today, however, she started walking around the office with a stuffed toy. She brought the toy-a crocheted horse- into the meetings and had it on her lap, with the head poking onto the table while she was typing, and was hugging it to her body when walking back from meeting rooms like a child and talking to other team members.

She is getting married this year and has said she just wants to elope, as the cost and managing all the preparations are stressful, and she is dreading it because she will be the centre of attention. She is clearly very sensitive and going through a very tough time (none of her family lives here), but AIBU that this is a step too far, or am I just getting a bit too old/grumpy and should mind my own business as she isn't harming anyone?

Is she delivering the results expected of her at work?

What difference does her actions make to you? Does her action impact your performance? Is she under performing and activity that impacts your service?

If not then MYOB.

She sounds like she really struggles, have you asked her about herself? The toy is obviously a comfort to her is it affecting her work ?

Yes and no. As I said, she constantly looks to all team members for reassurance on things she knows how to do, and she sometimes uses a very babyish little girl voice when she interacts with people to get their "help" which interrupts people for no reason.

Maybe she has mental health issues/anxiety and the stuffed toy comforts her

Her actions make a difference. It is hard to take an adult seriously at work when they are standing in front of you, hugging a stuffed toy.

I honestly don’t know. Just trying to work out the logic in my head by comparing it to something else she might carry …

If she was doing the same thing with a handbag, I think that is OK.

If she was doing the same with a handbag that happened to be shaped like a horse - probably OK if it was part of a trend and other people her age did it.

But if it was a crocheted horse-shaped handbag she had made herself it starts to get a bit weird.

Even weirder when it’s an actual toy.

she could be neurodivergent and the stress of her wedding planning and lack of confidence in work has shown this side of her more.
unless she is doing something that means she isn’t doing her job I wouldn’t say anything that’s between her and your line manager to address.

It sounds like she needs some support in general.

If you see a staff member apparently falling apart do your Managers not step in and ask how they can support her, assist her?

Have you mentioned the toy to her, Or is it the elephant (horse) in the room ?

She absolutely trauma dumps on you, which is why I have backed off.

It is clear she is struggling and has poor coping mechanisms, but it is affecting our work if we can't trust her to be able to interact like an adult.

Well any feedback you give either to her or her line manager; focus it on how her actions impact the service and professionalism; customer focused as opposed to personal.

Do you think the team-building thing has damaged her?

We did one of those "professional" corporate team-building tests, and she seemed really confronted by some of the feedback she got. Since then, she has started acting more childlike and dependent and constantly seeking feedback on things she clearly can handle herself.

It sounds as though she found this situation really difficult. How was the feedback done - sensitively, in private? Who gave the feedback? Obviously it has really knocked her confidence! Who is her manager - have they looked into extra training or support for her? Even just some kind, friendly supportive words - doesn't sound as though anyone else is sympathetic!

It’s weird, op. The thread will fill up with people desperate to insist that people should take comfort wherever they need to, wherever they happen to be; but carrying a cuddly toy around in a work environment will never not be unprofessional and weird.

Or better still have a private word with line manager not bitching and bickering behind the colleagues back with other staff be the bigger person and speak to your line manager see if they can have a word with her perhaps she does need help and support better to be the person that tires to do that the correct way than end up being the bitchy arse that moans about them to everyone else.

I didn't know how to- as I said she is clearly struggling beyond what I can do for her, and I am pretty stressed myself to be honest.

Her desk is covered in toys which she sets up at the beginning of the day. Her mouse and keypad are animal-shaped.

But carrying the toys around to meetings, is very new and I haven't seen anyone else do it before.

What does an Adult act like ? I an not trying to catch you out but you seem irritated she isn't resilient and is showing you all she is actually struggling, if you are not her direct manager. Go to them say i don't think "Emma" is ok/coping can you speak to her.

I think I saw her yesterday leaving the office and galloping for a bus.

FFS I applaud all the posters who recognise that this woman clearly is struggling and is doing her best to find coping mechanisms and needs sympathy and support. Absolutely. Of course.

But come on, are we not allowed to actually acknowledge the obvious here? This is absurd. A grown woman, old enough to live independently, get married and perform a professional job ….. carrying around a stuffed toy and talking in a baby voice?

seriously?

How is this normalised?

I feel sorry for OP and all the other members of staff who now have to work around this behaviour and act like it’s totally normal and ok.

It is very unprofessional and I would not be able to take her seriously.

Underlying issues of mental health?
Does the workplace offer eap?
I know of someone that is a adult with a stuffed toy it is mental illness yet it is taken as a part of who they are & non issue..yes it took some getting used to.
I love a stuffed toy tho.

You get a report that tells you. A bit like the Myers-Briggs, which she said she had done before.

She was clearly distressed in the meeting about her results, and I did flag that sometimes these results can feel confronting, and it's fine to have a week or two to process it. It didn't say anything bad, but you know those tests aren't completely accurate, especially as English isn't her first language and it's done in US English.

Pretty inappropriate and won't help her progress at work. She would be better off having a small comfort in a pocket if she needs such things. Seems quite performative holding the toy horse. Very hard to take people seriously when they do this sort of thing.

It's bloody weird and not appropriate for an office. If she was outstanding and not customer facing I would let it go (if her manager) but otherwise have a quiet word.