AIBU- Stuffed Toy in the office.

[2021x]

I work in a newly formed team in an office. We have our team admin who I am going to guess is at least 26-28 y.o. woman.

We did one of those "professional" corporate team-building tests, and she seemed really confronted by some of the feedback she got. Since then, she has started acting more childlike and dependent and constantly seeking feedback on things she clearly can handle herself.

Today, however, she started walking around the office with a stuffed toy. She brought the toy-a crocheted horse- into the meetings and had it on her lap, with the head poking onto the table while she was typing, and was hugging it to her body when walking back from meeting rooms like a child and talking to other team members.

She is getting married this year and has said she just wants to elope, as the cost and managing all the preparations are stressful, and she is dreading it because she will be the centre of attention. She is clearly very sensitive and going through a very tough time (none of her family lives here), but AIBU that this is a step too far, or am I just getting a bit too old/grumpy and should mind my own business as she isn't harming anyone?

People have always had desk toys or gizmos around offices, although unfortunately hotdesking has done away with some of that. It is fairly easy psychology to deduce that, in an unfamiliar and sometimes hostile environment, they can help people to feel at home and secure. There’s also the ‘favourite plant’ or desk fish-tank phenomenon.

However to take a soft toy around the office with you seems to suggest attention-seeking and wanting to advertise vulnerability or some kind of special status.

At work we absolutely need to be adults. How would she respond to an intruder? A fire drill? A medical emergency?

If it is a one off just ignore it, if becomes a pattern then speak to HR.

Thats interesting, I would not be disturbed at all if someone brought dog into the office- it makes sense because the dog would be lonely etc and I can interact with the do, but I was very disturbed by an adult cuddling a soft toy during a meeting.

Clifton Strengths is actually one of the better validated tests available.

Puzzling that she found it upsetting - the results are presented quite positively.

Are we not allowed to instil any kind of social norms any more even in a professional setting? I wouldn't allow my 8 year old to go to school distracting everyone with a soft toy and talking like a baby. It's not professional or appropriate in a work setting whatever the underlying reason. We need to stop pandering to this crap and actually start making people function in the real world. If there's ND or learning needs then there are ways that we can and should support this but if we are having to accept somebody talking to us in a baby voice and distractingly parading a soft toy in a work place then we have gone too far. If she can't cope at work doing these things then she needs to find another job and get some therapy. Enough of this pandering.

I remember having to do Pacific Institute training at work 20 years ago. It was based on the premise that everything in life, other than dying and taking up space, is a choice. Knowing that was meant to be empowering. Yeah right.

To be honest, I feel similar misgivings about dogs in the office and don’t see why they seem to need to be brought everywhere.

AI doesn't need a stuff toy, it just gets on with the job

“We did one of those "professional" corporate team-building tests, and she seemed really confronted by some of the feedback she got. Since then, she has started acting more childlike and dependent and constantly seeking feedback on things she clearly can handle herself.”

her line manager needs to talk to her about this - is that you?

that’s really not great behaviour

I will admit that one of the reasons I’m so keen to retire early as I can no longer tolerate the way workplaces are

I don’t know what happened to professionalism.

You leave your private feelings and your soft toy at home.

She does seem to be a bit (un)stable....

But aren’t people at all concerned that this is someone exhibiting distress? I think in my workplace my manager/ her manager, and HR as appropriate, would all be involved to find out what had happened

Hey everyone, someone pointed out that there are some outing details, and Ihave got some really good feedback from everyone on how to handle it. So I have reported the thread, and hopefully it should be taken down.

Thanks for your support- it was a weird one.

Cross post

Thank you this is exactly what I think it’s fucking nuts

Is it a maybe a heat pack for period pain?

Id ask if shes ok as it is unusual behaviour to bring a toy into meetings, so you just want to check in, and take it from there.

No wonder the country is going to hell in a handbasket.

Oh maybe this ?

Weird AF.

I had an employee who had a bad review and spent the next two days with an oversized hoodie pulled up over her head, both headphones in refusing to speak to anyone. I told her to thicken her skin and stop sulking.

😃

I'd rather her as a team member than some of the horrors I've had to work with over the decades. Most recently someone taking full credit for a massive joint project, and keeping quiet about my huge part, when very publicly given praise.

If she's doing her job, leave her alone.

I can see how you are affronted by this but this is someone who is likely neurodivergent and doesn’t have a lot of support in her life. Organising a wedding alone is overwhelming and then her colleagues’ feedback at the same time must be even harder. It sounds as though she is regressing mentally from the pressure of it all. The only reason you should be bothered is because you are concerned and should try and empathise a little with her situation or speak to HR from a concerned colleague perspective. Yes, it’s off putting but that’s all it is to you. Imagine being in her shoes.

I used to work with a woman who had two desks. One with her computer and keyboard on, the other COVERED with dozens of small soft toys. I'm actually going to email my old colleague now to ask him if he remembers the soft toys. She was well into her 30's. No one really cared, but she also was not very good at her job (to be fair there were lots of people in that department that were not very good at their jobs), and she could never be queried when she made an error as she would have a meltdown. This was at a charity in 2007 so it was normal to just put up with this.

Not saying it is normal in anyway, but it happens. And sometimes much worse than you describe!

I am wondering about this corporate test though - presumably she was fine before this? I also wonder what kind or organisation makes staff do these tests and then offered no professional support, structure or development after this. Sounds like it was done for the sake of it, whereas it has impacted her belief she is capable of doing the job and undermined her ability that she has now lost her voice and sounds like a little girl! Her manager and HR need to put in some professional development - courses and KPI's linked to her abilities, and ideally do this for everyone, for her sake.

Do not say anything to her, she is clearly vulnerable and HR should be supporting her.

Holding a cuddly toy is like wearing a badge saying; "I am weird".
Not professional, how could one trust her decisions? Needs help and time off somewhere.

Local government?

Does she have blue hair and a nose ring?

I hate all the 'delete this it's outing' posts. Just throwing it out there.