AIBU- Stuffed Toy in the office.

[2021x]

I work in a newly formed team in an office. We have our team admin who I am going to guess is at least 26-28 y.o. woman.

We did one of those "professional" corporate team-building tests, and she seemed really confronted by some of the feedback she got. Since then, she has started acting more childlike and dependent and constantly seeking feedback on things she clearly can handle herself.

Today, however, she started walking around the office with a stuffed toy. She brought the toy-a crocheted horse- into the meetings and had it on her lap, with the head poking onto the table while she was typing, and was hugging it to her body when walking back from meeting rooms like a child and talking to other team members.

She is getting married this year and has said she just wants to elope, as the cost and managing all the preparations are stressful, and she is dreading it because she will be the centre of attention. She is clearly very sensitive and going through a very tough time (none of her family lives here), but AIBU that this is a step too far, or am I just getting a bit too old/grumpy and should mind my own business as she isn't harming anyone?

Ah. I see now.

You’re playing a pedantic word game because you original point fell flat. You’re trying to derail into the definition of inflatable dummies.

Because changing your original “blow up doll” to a passaanger seat mannequin doesn’t make the comparison any less absurd. Does it?

A passenger seat mannequin “blow up doll” is a massive, life size visually disruptive novelty item made for vehicles. A stuffed horse teddy is a compact, comforting sensory tool sitting in somebody’s lap.

You’re sprinting through inflatable dummies and car safety hacks just to avoid the actual facts.

The woman in question is an otherwise competent employee holding a stuffed animal. It causes zero disruption and hurts no one.

The fact you have to invent extreme and bizarre scenarios to justify your disgusting hostility proves you don’t have a valid point.

Yes

Amazingly the past was far more understanding than the present. As a disabled adult I may have been encouraged to hide my difference but it's birthing like children have to manage today

I think my point went down rather well, much to your chagrin as clearly demonstrated in your post.

How about a man with a baby doll? Would that be ok in the workplace if it provides him comfort?

I ask because there is a guy who goes to my local Tesco carrying one of these, this thread has got me thinking about how id feel if he was a colleague and found comfort by bringing it in the office.

It sounds like id have to be ok with it even though it instinctively gives me the creeps a bit.

Did it? 🤔

A couple of people agreeing with an absurd comparison about, what you now describe as: inflatable car dummies for women’s safety, doesn't mean your point “went down well”. At all. It just means you found a pathetic echo chamber.

You’ve dodged the actual point, moved the goalposts and still haven't explained how a colleague holding a small stuffed horse teddy actually harms anyone. Celebrating your own fallacies isn't something to be proud of, it's just noise. Embarrassing noise.

Even though I know you're being pedantic and insincere... A soft toy used for regulation for someone who is ND provides sensory input and emotional comfort. A blow up doll being used for comfort by a widower doesn't have the same function. Their design, typical purpose and social context differ. A shared function (comfort) doesn't make two objects equivalent.

Some people find chocolate comforting, others find cigarettes comforting - they're not equivalent either.

Nope, just highlighted the ridiculousness of it all and you don’t like it, hence your fury.

Yep.

But she didn’t say the blow up doll would be used by a “widower” (!) rather than a person assumed to be nd?
You’ve decided to dictate what an acceptable transitional object is, what right do you have to do that?

Pointing out bad logic isn't “fury”.

What I actually feel is disappointment. Disappointment that adult women, who are most likely mothers, are giggling over schoolyard tactics and ableism to tear down an innocent vulnerable woman who happens to be different.

You can project anger onto me all day, but it won't disguise the hostility in this thread.

Pretty sure it was said about a husband loosing their wife and using the blow up doll for comfort.

I'm not dictating what anyone is allowed to find comforting. I'm explaining that not all comfort objects are equivalent simply because they serve a similar function. Thought that was pretty clear in my response.

Yep it was referenced at 22:16 by makemydaypunk

What do you think would happen to her mentally? Do we think she should be written off work with severe stress. Yes is the answer rather than destroying the already, unrecognised fragile mind of mental health by mockery and bullying further. She’d likely have a breakdown in front of the entire office. What’s the latest from the OP, have you done the right thing and highlighted how much help this regressing human needs with your management and HR? What’s your update?

OP posted to get a pile on started (that worked).

For God’s sake, why is this point being pushed so relentlessly? My cat could explain the basic category difference between the case under discussion in this thread, and the man in the mac with his blowup doll.
I can’t believe there is anyone (even among posters with a raised eyebrow about goings on in OP’s office) who honestly thinks it’s all much of a muchness, and accepts the unkind notion that a man and his portable sexual healing at work can be justly equated with this disordered woman and her need for the now famous soft toy.
Pretty bad faith there, surely.

No, it’s deliberately posed because what we are looking for is where the line gets drawn between ‘what’s best for the individual’ and ‘this is not acceptable at work’.

Where do you draw it?

Or just because her colleague is annoying her. I would find it annoying too.

@2021x define what you mean by trauma dumping?

the term gets misused and keen to know what she’s done to lead you use that phrase. I have experience though family of extremely traumatic experiences that periodically cause this kind of behaviour but it usually filtered unless the person is very unwell at a given time.

she sounds like she needs psychological support asap although maybe she’s already got it.

I can’t believe nobody has commented on the horse and required her to explain yet

There is no draw the line - this is a mentally ill human being who deserves compassion and needs to be written off work likely on the verge of breakdown. I’m confused how those commenting on office etiquette boundaries fail to see this, it’s mind boggling. If most are mothers, would they see their own child’s failing mental health staring them in the face.

Let’s hope your child’s mental health doesn’t fail quite so publicly while working abroad under significant stress without family support, just so it doesn’t annoy you or their colleagues who fail to recognise it and use it as means to bully and scapegoat them further, both in work and on the internet.

There is a possibility she has very poor MH beyond just a bit of a normal blip.

Its also a possibility she is attention seeking and/or being manipulative. I have had experience of working with a couple of baby voicers putting it on to (try to) get out of difficult work or situations, wouldnt have put it past them to bring a stuffed animal to ramp it up if needed.

Not a single person on this thread knows which it is.

I won’t be supporting them to take furbies to work, either way.

Why is she mentally ill?

I’ve been though a major depressive episode while working and wouldn’t have dreamed of taking a stuffed toy in to cuddle in front of my colleagues.

The lack of empathy, smart Alec responses and inability to see anything that may require a gentle approach on this site is astounding. This is my first experience of Mumsnet and the responses are ridiculous. Are these mothers? Just because you’ve been through a mild depressive episode that you coped with and moved on from must mean everyone else has to manage because you did? 🤦🏼‍♀️