AIBU- Stuffed Toy in the office.

[2021x]

I work in a newly formed team in an office. We have our team admin who I am going to guess is at least 26-28 y.o. woman.

We did one of those "professional" corporate team-building tests, and she seemed really confronted by some of the feedback she got. Since then, she has started acting more childlike and dependent and constantly seeking feedback on things she clearly can handle herself.

Today, however, she started walking around the office with a stuffed toy. She brought the toy-a crocheted horse- into the meetings and had it on her lap, with the head poking onto the table while she was typing, and was hugging it to her body when walking back from meeting rooms like a child and talking to other team members.

She is getting married this year and has said she just wants to elope, as the cost and managing all the preparations are stressful, and she is dreading it because she will be the centre of attention. She is clearly very sensitive and going through a very tough time (none of her family lives here), but AIBU that this is a step too far, or am I just getting a bit too old/grumpy and should mind my own business as she isn't harming anyone?

Unless you’re neurodivergent, maybe not. Perhaps she has sought permission. Are autistic/struggling people not allowed reasonable adjustments, especially as she is already not coping and her colleagues have given her feedback that perhaps hasn’t been delivered in the best way. Imagine feedback from the entire team against you instead of during an appraisal between line manager and employee and backed up with support and training. That would knock anyone’s confidence, let alone someone who appears to be on the verge of breakdown and regression. The right thing to do is have a meeting with your bosses and enquire about her mental health and the communication differences and how it is affecting the team. Then pat the team leader on the back for not recognising that group feedback negatively impacts certain individuals.

If this person was confident, outspoken and really good at her job, would the toy still bother you? If the answer is no, then you've got to focus on the real issues. If the answer is yes, have a chat with her or her line manager.

Aren’t you even a little bit concerned about her, OP? Obviously it isn’t normal behaviour so she needs help but you only seen to care about the impact on you.

She could be autistic.

100% this!!!!! If you can’t cope at work without a stuffed animal, you shouldn’t be there. And for someone who doesn’t want to be the centre of attention, she sure is making a spectacle of herself.

This is small fry for even an only slightly competent HR dept. Check in chat to discuss why the teddy, OH report if deemed necessary, privately laugh your arse off if "allow a teddy in meetings" appears on a formal OH report as a reasonable adjustment, privately laugh even more at putting it on a formal letter, move on to the next crazy issue as a result of "bring your whole self to work" crap.

It’s attention seeking bollocks. She needs to grow up.

We did one of those "professional" corporate team-building tests, and she seemed really confronted by some of the feedback she got. Since then, she has started acting more childlike and dependent and constantly seeking feedback on things she clearly can handle herself.

I think the outcomes of this need addressing. If this has upset her she needs help to take on board the criticism in a constructive way. But it does need to be the right person. That might not be her manager, especially as they are the one who is responsible for judging her and that will add to the pressure to perform. Ideally she wants someone in more of a mentoring role. Of course finding this person and finding the time for them to do that may be difficult. But it sounds like she needs a bit of a handhold. While also being told she needs to take responsibility and act in office appropriate ways.

Or it’s a cry for help. Glad some of you aren’t my colleagues.

The corporate team building sounds totally inappropriate and as rhiugh she had to sit and take negative feedback from her team.

Clearly there is an issue, she may be neurodivergent or unwell and clearly needs support.

@2021x you need to exoress your concerns to her manager and be utterly professional with this clearly vulnerable person. I can almost hear the sniggering from your posts.

Exactly, the lack of compassion on here is shocking.

It really is.

This in buckets! ⬆️

you can be compassionate and also know that some behaviours are totally inappropriate in the workplace

I used to carry my microwavable stuffed owl around our office from October to May because the feckers were so stingy with the heating.

I totally agree that it is inappropriate but her line manager, HR and OH should be dealing with it so she can get the help she clearly needs. She should be given time off in the meantime.

What, talking to them? Not pretending it isn’t there? Surely, if people are relaxed enough to be spending time talking about personal stuff like weddings, then they’re relaxed enough to ask a couple of questions?

She clearly needs to be written off work for a while.

Except one of the people participating clearly did NOT find it amazing but really threatening.

That’s tge thing with those tests. They say very little. Or say truths that are hard to read and accept but it’s done without support from management or tye company delivering the ‘team building exercise’.

Exactly. What is her line manager doing to deal with this situation?

I didn't realise how common it is for adults to have soft toys, so that in itself would not bother me and I'd think it was cute that she had them on her desk.

However, I would be concerned about her mental state and wonder if she's on parr for a breakdown.

I would a supportive ear but there's not a lot you can do.
If her behaviour is affecting you/your work then have a gentle word with your manager but if its just a bit annoying then I would leave it for now.

I think it is important to recognise that people's biological age isn't always the same as their emotional age. There are likely ND that means she has always acted much younger but it doesn't mean she isn't competent or a bad person.

Maybe she does and maybe it helps.

But ffs!

This is where we’ll end up if we keep letting these “animals “into schools. In a few years time they’ll be in workplaces.

They cost a packet too with stupid accessories.

I know I sound a hard old cow and actually I’m as soft as shite but I do think this fad is unseemly.

Does it matter?

I suppose not really but imagine going to your GP, lawyer or accountant and they have an “emotional support animal”.

I feel we’ve become infantilised from needing to put her Xmas decs up in November, adult Disney, adult Lego, cosplaying and so on. Nothing wrong with a hobby but if we (and it seems predominantly female) act like children, we’ll be treated like children.

Just my opinion, I am more than happy to be challenged.

Is it a toy or heated in some way for pain?

Don't see an issue with it, unless it affects you.

I have a relative who has a stuffed andy warhol doll that she takes to social events as it makes her feel like she has a friend with her, someone to support her and have her corner.

And?