AIBU- Stuffed Toy in the office.

[2021x]

I work in a newly formed team in an office. We have our team admin who I am going to guess is at least 26-28 y.o. woman.

We did one of those "professional" corporate team-building tests, and she seemed really confronted by some of the feedback she got. Since then, she has started acting more childlike and dependent and constantly seeking feedback on things she clearly can handle herself.

Today, however, she started walking around the office with a stuffed toy. She brought the toy-a crocheted horse- into the meetings and had it on her lap, with the head poking onto the table while she was typing, and was hugging it to her body when walking back from meeting rooms like a child and talking to other team members.

She is getting married this year and has said she just wants to elope, as the cost and managing all the preparations are stressful, and she is dreading it because she will be the centre of attention. She is clearly very sensitive and going through a very tough time (none of her family lives here), but AIBU that this is a step too far, or am I just getting a bit too old/grumpy and should mind my own business as she isn't harming anyone?

Grown women acting like children really annoy me. Baby voice? For goodness sake.

Does anyone remember that author/journalist who said Huw Edwards had been horrible to her? But she'd put something on Twitter along the lines of "got my first commission today, eek". Would any grown man say eek in that instance?

Do you have an HR team OP? I think you could contact them about her behaviour especially the constant need for reassurance. Everyone has moments of doubt, and it's ok to ask for reassurance on occasion. But not for every task you do. Those Myers-Briggs type assessments can be quite brutal (I did one on strengths and weaknesses and came out with few very strengths and all weaknesses!) but it's mostly quack science and you just have to move on.

She sounds overwhelmed and stressed. It sounds like she’s struggling to cope as an adult at the moment and wants to revert to being a child. Possibly a combination of being upset about the feedback and stress about the wedding. I think you should tell her line manager of your concerns and try to get help for her.

You need to start treating her like you would a toddler. "Come on Harriet, we're going to the meeting now. Let's leave the horsie here, look we'll put her on your chair and you can see her later. Bye horsie!".

absolutely! That’s not professional!? To carry a teddy around with you!! Wtf

It’s weird and inappropriate for the work place imo, but I wouldn’t say anything. I have a teddy bear myself and from time to time if I have a bad dream and DH isn’t there or I’m really upset I will cuddle her to sleep, so I do understand how a teddy can make you feel safe. I really doubt a HR dep would want to touch this with a barge pole though because to me this could be risky. The teddy could probably be argued to be a reasonable adjustment for anxiety ect.

100% All these replies saying have some empathy. Have some professionalism!

Have you approached her manager to say you are concerned for her mental health and wellbeing? That seems the obvious solution to me

If so, that makes an absolute nonsense of reasonable adjustments 🙄

Are you her line manager?

If so, get HR and OH involved to provide her with mental health support ASAP.

If not, then speak to her line manager to express your concern for her and leave it to them.

She is obviously mentally unwell so maybe show some empathy and compassion. It could happen to you or a loved one.

Sounds like it. Could it be undiagnosed autism? I have a close friend who was recently diagnosed and she used stuffed toys and squishies for support. Not at work though.

This is completely normalized in secondary schools these days. I was shocked when I went to work in a secondary and saw KS4 students carrying cuddly toys all day. I see them outside school without them. If anyone did that at my school in the 80s there would have been catastrophic levels of scathing mockery.

Perhaps the stuffed horse is her support? Not everyone has really experienced support from other people, been able to rely on others to provide it, or would think to ask for it. Many of us have needed to cope alone in the past, and use strategies we trust. Yes, children stop relying on stuffed toys; some no longer need the comfort, some respond to pressure, some are ridiculed if they are ‘too old’ by society standards of what’s normal & acceptable. If everyone in the office is pretending they don’t see it, surely that’s ’not normal’? Why not just ask; “so, who’s this?”

If you know she can speak ‘normally’, why not just ask; “hang on, did you just use a baby voice? What’s that about?”.

Obviously, anything affecting her work should be addresses by her manager, unless her teammates help themselves eg if she asks about stuff she knows or wants reassurance about, you ask “what do you think the answer/procedure (or whatever) is?”. Give your feedback eg “you knew the answer, well done.”

I'm surprised at the responses supporting her. She is a grownup and should act like one. For me, a soft toy on the desk is acceptable, but carrying it round while you are interacting with other people is seriously weird and yes, I'd be judging her.

You have a member of staff for whom English is a second language so presumably already disadvantaged to an extent and she’s been given an American English written nonsense report and it’s sapped her confidence.

Hardly surprising surely?
It sounds like her manager has fucked up and isn’t supporting her adequately.

Sadly, not that unusual for a typical English person who doesn’t speak other languages but expects non native speakers to understand bizarre English traits. The manager needs to get involved and help her to regain her confidence. Can you not have a word?

It’s the take your whole self to work rubbish. No, please do not!

id be speaking to my manager and suggesting a welfare check but you don’t know what they are doing behind the scenes. But also shame on the team building facilitator for not stepping in.

id personally be slightly worried she was going to do something more extreme.

I agree with you as someone who’s had to ask for adjustments at previous jobs. According to Google a “comfort item” is an acceptable adjustment, so I guess a teddy counts.

@RelicMaster ”Imagine being in her shoes”

but many people probably are? It just didn’t matter in the past. If you do the job, you do it professionally and keep the toys at home.

workplaces encourage ridiculous behaviour now and call it “support”.

Same.
Haven't got time to babysit people

This.

Having the toy on her desk as decoration could be a bit of fun. But carrying it around with you and into meetings? Come on,

It shows she's not good under pressure or with stress if she needs a comforting toy/dummy with her.

Very odd she’s displaying this type of behaviour in an all female environment. Blokes might be easily manipulated by the helpless little girl act but other women? Not a chance.

I was thinking more of ops colleague with the toy. this is the kind of thread that ends up in the DM or Sun

Planning a wedding whilst looking for a new job might be a tad tricky.

This

Everything you said is how you’d interact with a child

this is a workplace!

and you’d probably get into trouble for asking casually about the baby voice.

the soft toy market is huge - yes adults love them, I love them. But taking them to work, talking in a baby voice at work- fuck no.