AIBU- Stuffed Toy in the office.

[2021x]

I work in a newly formed team in an office. We have our team admin who I am going to guess is at least 26-28 y.o. woman.

We did one of those "professional" corporate team-building tests, and she seemed really confronted by some of the feedback she got. Since then, she has started acting more childlike and dependent and constantly seeking feedback on things she clearly can handle herself.

Today, however, she started walking around the office with a stuffed toy. She brought the toy-a crocheted horse- into the meetings and had it on her lap, with the head poking onto the table while she was typing, and was hugging it to her body when walking back from meeting rooms like a child and talking to other team members.

She is getting married this year and has said she just wants to elope, as the cost and managing all the preparations are stressful, and she is dreading it because she will be the centre of attention. She is clearly very sensitive and going through a very tough time (none of her family lives here), but AIBU that this is a step too far, or am I just getting a bit too old/grumpy and should mind my own business as she isn't harming anyone?

ClearFruit
I also like that post and yours too.
I feel like the world is going mad! 😀

Is it a (I can’t remember what these things are called) hot/ warm toy - like something you put in the microwave and then use it to warm up/ smooth pains? That doesn’t account for the rest of the behaviour/ desk accessories but it might explain why she can’t put this one down for a meeting. You could of course still consider it unprofessional (and I think it is personally) but I’ve worked in an office where lower level staff would do this but managers/ directors wouldn’t because the expectation of professionalism is different for them.

A couple of knick-knacks on desks is one thing, but no it's absolutely not normal to take a stuffed toy into meetings.

Sounds like she needs a bit of a 1:1 debrief with her own manager about the results of the personality test thing. It doesn't sound like a great 'team building' strategy if it has has distressed one team member and then left them with no obvious avenues of support to work through that.

Thanks, I needed this.

She isn't any of those things, and I guess if management is going to tolerate it, I have to, too.

I obviously want her to be OK but I can't actually help her and she does have other people in a better position too,

‘She seemed really confronted by some of the feedback she got’

What exactly do you mean? Someone confronted her? How? Was she affronted? Surprised? upset? Confused? Angry?

What was the feedback and how was it given?

The toy horse thing is bizarre and I would expect her line manager to be addressing it.

You have articulated what I daren’t. It’s weird, everyone knows it’s weird and it will likely make everyone else feel weird and uncomfortable.

I also feel sorry for anyone who is behaving the way this woman is as she is clearly struggling. Two things can be true at the same time.

OP - the highest in command probably needs to step in here and do a well being check. If that’s not you, maybe you could suggest it to them.

We do, as adults, have to taken some responsibility for our own well being though. If the job is too stressful then perhaps she needs to ask herself if it’s the right career for her. We’ve all done that haven’t we?

Tread carefully as she technically isn’t breaking any sort of condition of her employment (I wouldn’t think).

If this has only been going on for one day you may be jumping the gun in worrying about it. See if it settles down. It might be an odd blip but nothing more.

I mean it’s a bit different having a stuffed toy with you at all times at that age but if it’s helping her cope and not interfering with anyone else then does it really matter? We all have different coping mechanisms maybe just let her be and she may eventually pick up some courage and self esteem and not need the horse anymore.

No it’s completely inappropriate. I think she needs support (and moved on).

I’m stunned that any poster thinks otherwise…

OK thats an explanation I hadn't considered- maybe it was, and I just didn't realise.

I remember when someone appeared online with those acne stickers on their face, and I told them they had a sticker on, and they were so embarrassed I had noticed.

don't get me wrong, it would irritate the fuck out of me, but I am on a lifelong journey to try to let some things go.

If you are concerned about her welfare and you're not sure anyone is addressing it then it is entirely legitimate to raise that with your or her manager, and the changes in behvaiour including the baby voice and stuffed horse are relevant. But you need to be able to separate the two.

This

So what? I've given my name on here before because I don't say anything on here that I don't say in real life.

She’s in a work environment, ffs! Not pre-school.
In fact if she was at school she wouldn’t be allowed to cart a horse around all day either.

Haha the acne stickers amuse me! I also have fight the urge to tell them they have a sticker on their face.

Myers Briggs is entirely unscientific and controversial outside HR departments, is this one actually a proper one? There are better team building things to waste your money on.

It's totally reasonable for you to feel unsettled by this behaviour.
It's possible to simultaneously feel sorry that she's struggling and to feel like her behaviour is poor.
You're not out of touch.
It's likely that everyone else is feeling the same, even if they're not expressing it.

I've been in a similar situation & because nobody else wanted to deal with this new colleague's age regression and constant trauma dumping, my manager asked me to befriend her (describing it as 'buddying up'). When I challenged this (I thought it wasn't a good fit), I was made out to be a cold heartless bitch.

It sounds like she needs professional help. I hope her workplace don't try to exploit her when she's this sensitive and unwell.
But you're totally reasonable to find this situation ridiculous.
If you find her winding you up, ignore her as much as possible. Grey rock.

OP, you’re going to get some flack from the “why does it affect you” brigade, but you’re spot on.

A grown adult cuddling a soft toy at work is pretty pathetic. Sounds like yet another person with zero resilience who can’t cope with even the most basic of life’s challenges.

She could be the greatest employee in the world at the job itself, but it’s still unprofessional and inappropriate.

Yeah, it's just really disturbing in a weird, non-threatening way that I hadn't felt like before.

Thanks for all your insights everyone.

Please don’t swear at me, I’ve given my opinion that obviously doesn’t align with yours. OP posted to get different opinions from different people.

This was the Clifton Strengths, which was fine to get a conversation about communication and people's needs, but there was a lot of overselling in the report "you are 1 in 34 million... all that stuff" which immediately makes me think that its more sales than science.

Fun to play around with though like the MBriggs.

Fair enough. Apologies.

Of course, if she brought a live dog to work nowadays everyone would be falling over backwards to normalise and approve of it.

Interesting.

I personally would rather work with someone who's cuddling a soft toy than someone lugging a live pet into the office.

How absolutely ridiculous of her. That is a joke- a grown adult soon to be married carrying a teddy bear around. This madness should not be normalised. Funny how she coped before this?

are you her manager or supervisor? have you done anything to get this sorted through "proper channels" (I hate that phrase but it has its uses)

well said.