Am I being mean sending my child to preschool on my non working days ?

[Sleepingworries]

Just wondering if I’m being a mean mum here as other peoples assumptions have made me worry.

I work 3 days a week and my ILs look after my toddler while I’m at work. My toddler is now old enough for preschool and I’ve booked my toddler into preschool on my 2 non working days. This just means I get a
bit of a break, time for me so I can do things like go to the gym.

When I’ve been telling people about my child starting preschool, the majority have assumed that it will be on the days I’m working and look quite shocked when I say it’s the days I’m off.

It’s now making me question if I’m being selfish by having those days to myself ? Am I doing something unusual ?

I'd have spoken to ILs to see if they still want to do the bulk of the childcare in the week - feels quite cheeky for them to do three days and you do none!

Are your in laws happy with that? 3 days is a lot - are you sure they weren’t hoping for a bit of a reduction when pre school kicked in?

(unless I’ve misunderstood and she’ll be going on your days off, plus other days?)

You've done nothing wrong.

How much childcare does her dad do?

Stop discussing it with judgemental people, they'll judge you whatever you do.

Nope, not unreasonable unless your ILs want to reduce their days.

I would probably do half and half. Have one day for me and one day with my toddler. Maybe swapping one IL day to a preschool one so that they start settling in before reception.

I am however choosing to keep my child in preschool when I am on mat leave so that I can give my newborn some focus time. I know some people will criticise that.

I would have loved to spend more time with my kids when they were younger- but I worked full time as was sole earner.

Can't imagine chucking them in nursery for 'me time'.

But each to their own.

I would offer a reduction to your inlaws first then have one day to myself and one day with my child.

Yanbu to need a bit of time for you, but agree with pp you should check with ILs whether they are happy with their current commitments or if they want to reduce it. A bit of preschool is good for a child but if ILs agreed to do the work because they have a firm belief that family care is better than care by strangers they might well feel betrayed if you do this without consulting them. Whereas if they are just doing it for the joy of spending time with their grandchildren they may not care.

Well the optics aren't great - are in-laws happy with the arrangement?

My In-laws have provided childcare for me over the past decade and even if they said it was fine I wouldn't dream of booking nursery for both of my non working days.

I used to enjoy my days off work with my preschool age child. He went to nursery on my work days. I would have worked full time and been richer if he had been in child care for 5 days a week.

To be fair to the judgy people, they’d probably also judge a dad working three days a week with the child in nursery the other two.

I'm a sahm and most of us send dcs to preschool for social skills and early years learning. Not at all mean to want your child to be able to have those opportunities. We only did mornings at first,
and it's barely enough time for a gym class and a few errands.

Did you ask the in-laws? Seems a bit off.

Thanks for the comments. I did tell my in laws what I was planning and they didn’t object.

It’s just been other people presuming that I’d be spending all of my non working days with my child that’s making me question if I’m doing something unusual.

People with pre-school children who work part time generally do so, to enable them to spend time with their children. So that's why people think it's odd.

I agree it's also rather unfair on your ILs. Unless they adore having DD and are young and fit and wouldn't appreciate more of a break, it feels like a very cynical decision.

It's not really fair on your in-laws, nor on your other half - when does he get two whole days to himself? Presumably you have the weekend as family time, so each week he's going to work 5 days and you're only doing 3 and then on your days off you're not doing childcare you're just doing your own thing?

Put it this way, if I was your DH and my husband was you, I wouldn't be happy with this arrangement at all. Unless of course there's going to be a drip feed that on the weekends your DH is off playing golf by himself or whatever.

For me a nice balance would be 2 days with inlaws, 2 days of preschool (one on your day off and one taken from the in laws), and then 1 day with your child.

As long as your in laws and partner are ok with it then there’s no issue.
Personally, I looked forward to spending my non working days with my children and wouldn’t have wanted to send them to childcare on those days, but it’s up to you! Your in laws will be spending 3 days with your children though while you only have the 2 weekend days.

I think it is a reasonable assumption to make that husband is doing approximately zero childcare on his days off. So, in effect, OP is doing 3 days at work and another 4 days being a full time parent even if her husband is in the house the entire time. Otherwise, the OP would not have been struggling to find the time to go to the gym. I don't think it is selfish or unreasonable to have a day of respite.

Mean to your kid = no , not at all
mean to your in laws = yes

I personally would have used at least one of the free days to cover one of the days you work and give your in laws a rest, and that gives you a free day in the week to do things with your child.

I have known many people to send their children to childcare on non working days so that they can have 'me time'. I didn't and wouldn't have done that. I don't think it's my place to judge you. I do think it's your in laws place though.

My DD has just started school so maybe i’m just over emotional but I personally would never have given those days up, especially if I wasn’t seeing her for the other 3.

funnily enough my husband does play a lot of golf ! So weekends aren’t exactly a break for me.

is the child going to pre school on the days they are with their grandparents too? Or just on your non working days? I agree it's great for you to get time to yourself but not at the expense of the grandparents.. they might enjoy a couple
of hours off too!

So you’re going from being with your DD three days a week currently with two days with grandparent to three days with grandparents, two playschool and none with you - personally I think that’s awful - it’s different if you were working five days a week and you’d have no choice.