Am I being mean sending my child to preschool on my non working days ?

[Sleepingworries]

Just wondering if I’m being a mean mum here as other peoples assumptions have made me worry.

I work 3 days a week and my ILs look after my toddler while I’m at work. My toddler is now old enough for preschool and I’ve booked my toddler into preschool on my 2 non working days. This just means I get a
bit of a break, time for me so I can do things like go to the gym.

When I’ve been telling people about my child starting preschool, the majority have assumed that it will be on the days I’m working and look quite shocked when I say it’s the days I’m off.

It’s now making me question if I’m being selfish by having those days to myself ? Am I doing something unusual ?

Yes preschool is good for kids and I understand parents needing a break but this situation is different.
The inlaws said it was OK, but really who wants to mind somebody else's kids 3 days a week.
They are just being polite

Why not one day to yourself one day with your child? I made such lovely memories with my two on their day off before they started school, then I had a day to do all the housework washing, and three days at work. Perfect balance tbh
Honestly, the years fly by at school and I really missed mine when they were little and started school 😢

Lots of nurseries do this now, i know my local attached to the primary is open 8-6 and full days are offered.

I would reduce in laws to 2 days, and have her in preschool for one of your days off and have one day together. I think that's a better balance.

What you are saying is ‘ I don’t really want to be with my child on my days off. I want it to be all about me’.
They are pre schoolers for such a short time.
I feel sorry for your little one.

@LowlandLucky ha ha ha. Your post has me rolling about not spending time with my kids. For context my I. Laws live about 8000 miles away and my parents about 50 miles away so I definitely can assure you I spend and have spent plenty of time with my children. I’m just saying that to assume that grandparents find it a chore is sad. I’m not saying that looking after toddlers isn’t hard work. I guess I’m lucky that I can have open and honest conversations with my folks and in laws. We have a really great relationship. I’m sorry some of you don’t have that.

Ignore the cat's bum mouths and mummy martyrs on here.
Your set-up suits you and your ILs and that's all that matters.
I firmly believe that parents (especially mothers) who do things and take time for themselves are the best role models for a child.
And if you feel fitter, more relaxed, less stressed, whatever your time to yourself makes you feel, you'll be a better mother when you do spend time with your child.

Long as your in-laws know the new arrangement and are fine with it then I see no problem with it .. when I had my youngest my eldest was in private nursery 3 days a week that was attached to my old place of work (NHS) so I paid all year round and needed to keep her space because her sister would be joining her when I went back to work - you can bet I still sent her all year round even when I was on maternity!

I'm a lone parent. Worked 3 days and had the dc's in nursery 4 days so I could tidy up, go to the gym, not go totally mental etc.

Also I wonder how many SAHPS use preschool? No one on Mumsnet of course because why would they not want to spend time with their children 24/7.

I think it's a good thing that kiddo is going to pre-school. That gets him used to a childcare setting before school starts and not just the comfort of family.
And if you swap IL days for childcare, when they still want to do it, that does snub them a bit if they want to keep doing the childcare and spend time with him. So I can sort of see why this has worked out as it has, even if it doesn't look great.

To spend all of your non-working days without your child through choice, is unusual; to have a day to yourself for your mental health and self-care, could be good for you. Happy mum = happy child.

I’d have thought one day in one out but as others have said to each their own (and I don’t mean that judgily!!)

Your child will be at school full-time soon, so I do find it surprising that you’d choose to send them to preschool on a day you’re not working.

Most parents whose young children are in nursery or preschool full-time don’t really have a choice because they need the childcare to work. If the grandparents currently have your child three days a week, why not make one of those the preschool day instead? That way they still get the benefits of preschool, the grandparents still get plenty of time with them, and you get to spend some quality time with your child while you actually have the opportunity.

I find it a bit odd that the grandparents are doing three days of childcare while you’re choosing to do none of those days yourself. Don’t you want to take them to a class or playgroup? Meet up with friends with children?

I do think it’s unusual. Your in laws are spending more days with your child than you or dad are. These early years go so quickly and I worry you’ll regret missing some of this time together.

Surely it would be sensible to have two pre-school days when you’re working and one grandparent day.

We’re both part time, we both work three days a week so our youngest goes to pre-school three days a week. Very occasionally she does four days a week so we can have a week day off work together.

Not objecting is quite different to insisting they carry on with the 3 days.

I think a fair compromise would be to take x1 day for yourself and x1 day with your DC (and then grandparents do x2 days)

Its actually quite sensible. The settling in to pre-school can be a bit up and down depending on the child. Some take to it like a duck to water, others struggle. If you are not at work and you need to collect him early or stay a bit longer at drop off, its no biggie. A lot harder to do that when you have work.

Noone has berated the OP for sending her child to preschool, they are saying it's an odd choice to only work three days a week and to use those three days as grandparent childcare days and the two days they have off for them to be in preschool, meaning they are away from you 5 days per week when you are actually available 2 of those.

Most SAHPs I know don't sign their kids up for full time pre-school Mon-Fri, they do a couple of days and then spend the rest of their week with their child.

I don't think there is anything wrong with sending your child to preschool/nursery it is great for pre schoolers, the issue seems to be the op has chosen to have the days to suit her and it just seems selfish imo not even prepared to give the grandparents a day back,

Poor grandparents, hope you have offered them to cut down their days before you took days for ‘me’ time! Most parents work part time to spend more time with the children

I do think it’s a weird choice. Not judgement per se, but I don’t really understand why you would do it. I worked 3 days because I wanted to spend the other time with my preschooler. I could understand splitting the days between me time and child time, but having both days off and no days of childcare at all is an odd choice to me.

Aside from judgement, I had a period before I went back to work where DS was in nursery two days a week and I wasn’t at work. I found it very boring and unfulfilling after a few weeks of novelty. I have one day a week off now and it’s much more balanced.

I'll be honest op I think it's a bit unusual that you're spending no weekdays with your young child by choice. He'll be at pre school or with grandparents and you'll be at work or having a day at home alone?

Wouldn't be surprised if you're on here eventually saying you struggle with weekends because they're full on, you're trying to fit loads in and "don't know what to do with him" (there are a lot of posts like that on here)

Also, preschool age is great for days out in term time while places are quiet. Soon he'll be at school and you won't have this time back.

I personally work 3 days so I can have 2 days at home with my 3 year old, I will some times take him to preschool on the 4th day so I can have some me time but this is only every now and then. 5 days when you only work 3 isn't something I'd be comfortable doing.

Yeah I think its a bit snide on your ILs to have them still doing 3 days childcare whilst you take 2 days to yourself. I'd have released one of their days and one of yours.