Am I being mean sending my child to preschool on my non working days ?

[Sleepingworries]

Just wondering if I’m being a mean mum here as other peoples assumptions have made me worry.

I work 3 days a week and my ILs look after my toddler while I’m at work. My toddler is now old enough for preschool and I’ve booked my toddler into preschool on my 2 non working days. This just means I get a
bit of a break, time for me so I can do things like go to the gym.

When I’ve been telling people about my child starting preschool, the majority have assumed that it will be on the days I’m working and look quite shocked when I say it’s the days I’m off.

It’s now making me question if I’m being selfish by having those days to myself ? Am I doing something unusual ?

You do what you want, but do you not fancy just one day a week with your child?

I would have reduced grandparents to 2 days, preschool for 2 days and then have one day off with your child. Once they start full time, it’s hard to do spontaneous outings in the day and you’ll miss this time xx

Presumably you only work part time so you can look after your DC on your non working days. Surely you need to go full time if you’re not doing childcare?

Well if it were me I would put my toddler in preschool for two days and send them to the grandparents for one day, to give them a break.

And then for the other two days I’d do that thing, where I actually parent my own child.

When they start school, that’s it.

I can see you’ve “informed” your ILs and they “didn’t object” but have you genuinely offered them the choice?

It would seem like the default that your DC goes to preschool on the days they have her and not your days off - so their time “on duty” is reduced. Three days a week must be tiring for grandparent aged people.

I think giving the grandparents a day off and you having a day off would be preferable, for them I know they said they don't mind, but it would have been nice of you to arrange it,

Obviously all the golf playing from your DH doesn’t sound Ok either!

Its not wrong but I went PT to spend quality time with my child. Why/when did you go PT?

Preschool is great and grandparents are great. But you now spend less time with your child than the grandparents do which does seem odd when its not a necessity.

How old are the grandparents?

It’s not a choice I would have made, but it’s your decision.

I think I would have used one of the grandparents days and one of your days off for preschool giving you a day with them yourself.
But that’s just my personal view, a day off without them to catch up on things and a day with them to enjoy the time together because time flies and they start school before you know it!

I actually feel a bit sorry for your kid. 3 full days being looked after by other adults whilst you work and then another 2 full days being looked after by strangers because you dont want to spend time the with them? God, even if I felt that way, the 'mum guilt' would eat me alive. Im not usually this judgemental but, wow.

I think it's really important to practice self care as a parent.

Every child is different and every family is different.

This may be the right decision if everyone is happy with it.

If your child isn't happy or in-laws feel resentment then it is not the right decision unless you need to make ruthless decisions for the sake of your mental health. In those circumstances the first thing I would be doing is timetabling the equivalent of golf in the weekend for myself.

I'd say the ILs definitely have a right to judge.

I think it's unusual. I don't think I know anyone that went part time to make time for the gym and to relax. Most people go part time to spend days with their child. Your in laws spend more days with your child than you do.

So your in-laws have three weekdays with your child. and you have zero ? unusual situation for sure -and usually a parent goes part-time to spend more time with their children while they’re small. This child’s grandparents will be spending more time with them than you.

I’d be pissed off if I was your in-laws but apart from that no loads of parents do it.

I think it would be fine to have a day to.do urself but would reduce the amount of time ILs have ur child. Two days, while they do childcare, probably for free, IMO is a bit cheeky

Most people that work part time do so in order to spend some time with their toddler on their non working days

I’m assuming pre school isn’t the entire day in all of this btw? That needs bottoming out I think.

You should make absolutely sure your ILs are okay with the set up and if they aren’t take the burden off them. It doesn’t sound like you’ve properly investigated this with them (perhaps because you’re hoping they don’t mind?).

I’m a SAHM, I have one in school and one in nursery 3 days a week, home with me the other 2 days. He’s very sociable and loves going to nursery. I don’t feel bad about having 3 days a week to myself, I have lots to keep me busy, but I am also not relying on relatives for childcare and if I was I’d want to be 100% sure they were happy to be relied on.

It's absolutely fine OP - after all, you have the weekends to spend with your children. And things need doing - it's not just about "me time", it's about getting housework done or a medical appointment or just getting your hair cut!

My issue would also be the ILs who currently give you free childcare, but if they are happy with it, that's up to them.

Actually, just realised it a bit much yiu have less time with your child, through choice, than ILs

Could you use one of the pre-school days to replace one of the days GPs currently cover - so they just do 2 days and it's less of a burden on them? Then you could have 1 day for you and 1 day with your DC?

It's important to get some time for yourself. Are you carrying most of the household and kid load? (just an assumption from you saying you DH/P spends some weekends playing golf)

@Sleepingworries Why don't you send your toddler in on your working days? That way you can ask inlaws if they can keep one day while you're working and as for having a day "off" you can occasionally ask inlaws. It would take some pressure from them if they are tired and don't dare to tell you because you work.

Personally I think preschool is great and I sent my two in two mornings per week while being a sahm. Mil would only be asked if there was something like dentist appt or other or if SHE asked to have them. I think it's important to acknowledge that kids are hard work even if you love them. You seem to think so so why impose on your older inlaws?

There are many reasons why people work part-time. Just a few below:

Hobbies
Elderly parents/other care responsibilities
Because it fits in with school hours
Because they don't need the money from FT work
Because part-time hours is all they can get
Because they want to

Such judgmental comments on here.