Am I being mean sending my child to preschool on my non working days ?

[Sleepingworries]

Just wondering if I’m being a mean mum here as other peoples assumptions have made me worry.

I work 3 days a week and my ILs look after my toddler while I’m at work. My toddler is now old enough for preschool and I’ve booked my toddler into preschool on my 2 non working days. This just means I get a
bit of a break, time for me so I can do things like go to the gym.

When I’ve been telling people about my child starting preschool, the majority have assumed that it will be on the days I’m working and look quite shocked when I say it’s the days I’m off.

It’s now making me question if I’m being selfish by having those days to myself ? Am I doing something unusual ?

As long as your little one is happy and enjoying it, what’s the problem? Nursery and Preschool isn’t just about child care it’s about socialising and having play opportunities.

I would put them in one day instead of IL and one day with me. Both days off seems excessive tbh.

No I do the same too, although I was hoping i could increase my work hours but work can't offer me that anymore. Will enjoy the free time for now and look for a new job at some point. Enjoy the time while you can i think!

I agree with this 100% why do you get 2 days to yourself plsu weekends?

It is unusual generally speaking - you are having less time with your child than the ILs do.

However, it might work for your family - your ILs are fine with it and it makes you happier to accept the DHs golfing time.
Unusual setup doesn't have to be wrong if everyone involved is fine with it

Hi OP, im assuming that you are talking about the 3 hours free pre school thats available for 5 days a week?

That's fantastic that your in laws look after your little one the days you work. Id imagine it's possibly more hassle for them to drop and collect your child to and from pre school than to have your child at home with them for the day? And that your work day is longer than the free preschool hours!!

When your child is being looked after by your in-laws for the 3 days, i actually think its important for your little one to go to playschool for the few hours on the 2 days you are off - for their development, socialisation skills and preparation for school. Most toddlers will get 5 days of pre school so you dont want your child to be disadvantaged.
Its only for a few hours, enough time to get a walk in, have a shower and prep dinner perhaps. You still have all afternoon to focus on your child.

Also, please just do what suits you and your family. We all feel guilty as mums, but we need time to recharge too. You cant pour from an empty cup x

The problem is it seems unfair to the ILs. The response from OP was that they “haven’t objected” rather than “they enthusiastically asked to keep their three days with DC as they love it so much” which to me would be the only circumstance where this would be fair.

I can't wait for my DD to start nursery, I work evenings and weekends so it'll be the only break I get. If ILs are happy with the arrangement then carry on.

Agree.

I used to feel like the OP, would rather do anything than spend time with my kids. Turned out (shock horror) that was because i had massive postnatal depression.

That cleared and I love spending time with them but I’ll never get back those lost years.

@Sleepingworries I wouldn't be very impressed if I were your inlaws.
You'll get plenty of time to yourself once your child goes to school. Would have thought you might like to do a bit more with them while you can and reduce the load on your inlaws too.
Two days with inlaws and two with preschool would still give you a day to yourself.

Your ILs didn’t object, but that doesn’t mean that they wouldn’t appreciate the rest. Three days a week with a toddler is a lot!

I don’t think there’s any problem with putting your child into childcare so you can get a break (I have my daughter in nursery for half a day so I can catch up with housework). However, sorry to say, I think it is a little bit cheeky to expect your in laws to still do the bulk of the childcare and for you to have 2 days to yourself. But that being said, I suppose if they are ok with it then it’s not really a problem. Personally, I would do it the other way round and use preschool for my working days and have the in-laws look after them on my days off so it’s an option for them and not an obligation.

So what's the plans when it's school next year? Will you still have 2 days off or reconfigure your hours so you pick up every day?

I'd enjoy the tone while you can because the whole childcare landscape becomes more intense once they are at school

I have 1 day off per week as I work condensed hours. When my daughter was at preschool she was off with me that day. I was sad when she started school and we didn't have that time together! But now i do enjoy having a day off to myself to sort stuff at home. Ultimately its your decision!

I would want to spend as much time as i could with my child so would want to be with them on my non working days. It does seem quite selfish to let your in laws look after your child three days a week when he could go to preschool some of those days . Three days is a huge commitment.
If you need some time to yourself couldn't you at least send him to preschool for one of your free days and look after him for the other?

Most people with preschool children who work part time do it so that they can spend time with their child.

I would imagine that those commenting are surprised that more time with your child isn’t more important than the gym.

But if your DH spends all weekend golfing then I would also be surprised that spending time with his child isn’t more important than golf.

Mostly I’d feel sorry for a very small child who is (by choice not financial necessity) spending more time with her Grandparents than either of her parents.

It’s up to you what you do. I can see the appeal of time to myself, sure, but I’m doing the opposite and trying to get more time with my DD.

I work full time. I want to go down to 4 days a week (or do compressed hours) so I can take DD out of nursery and have an extra day with her.

She’ll be at school before I know it, and I don’t want to have only the weekends with her. It’s not enough for me.

Do you pay for the pre school?

Up to you, but yes I think it’s unusual. I can’t imagine not wanting to be with my toddler on any weekdays. It sounds as if your PIL are doing more of the child's upbringing than you already. I wouldn't want that.

I found the best balance with both my DC was two weekdays at home with me and three at nursery from 3+. Under 3 it was three days at home and two at nursery.

I work three days but one of those is a Sunday so I have one day a week with no children. I don’t feel guilty about that one day, it’s off the back of two days off with just DC2 which gives us plenty of good time together. I use it to fit in my hair, nails, various other appointments, do my long run, etc. But I wouldn’t have liked either of mine to be away five days.

DD2 starts school next year and I will really miss our days together.

Just get them adopted

Assuming your in-laws want to have your DC 3 days a week, regardless of your availability, ten if your DC likes pre-school it's the opposite of mean. But if your DC hates pre-school it's a bit mean, though totally reasonable to engineer some time for yourself, just minimise it if DC aren't happy in the best solution you can find.

Others have mentioned this but is "pre-school" three-ish hours or all day? Also makes a big difference if you are basically doing all the childcare at the weekend while your partner plays golf!

But essentially whatever you do, someone will criticise. Do what works for you and your family. Pre-school is essential socialisation, as others have said.

Well I think it’s undoubtedly unusual. You’re getting the negatives of being a SAHM/going part time (loss of income, pension etc) without all the positives that normally make people reduce work while their children are that age (more time with your child, saving on nursery). I know plenty of people who dropped a day or two after mat leave, but none of them used a nursery on those days.

(Before people tell me that it’s what they did, I said unusual, not unheard of).

When do you want to spend time with your child?