Am I being mean sending my child to preschool on my non working days ?

[Sleepingworries]

Just wondering if I’m being a mean mum here as other peoples assumptions have made me worry.

I work 3 days a week and my ILs look after my toddler while I’m at work. My toddler is now old enough for preschool and I’ve booked my toddler into preschool on my 2 non working days. This just means I get a
bit of a break, time for me so I can do things like go to the gym.

When I’ve been telling people about my child starting preschool, the majority have assumed that it will be on the days I’m working and look quite shocked when I say it’s the days I’m off.

It’s now making me question if I’m being selfish by having those days to myself ? Am I doing something unusual ?

Why did you have a child if you don’t want to spend time with her/him? Yes, when they’re very little, it is very boring, but after a while when they have grown up a bit, they become delightful when you know them. How do you think your child will feel when she/he realises that you’d rather be in the gym than spending time with them?

The grandparents are doing more of the parenting than the parents if the child goes to preschool on the other 2 days and unless the parents are finishing work in time to collect the child at 3pm, they’re doing longer days as well than if the child was at pre school

Hmm not quite sure how that works. If the child is at grandparents say 8-6 on the 3 days that's 30 hours a week . Take another 2 days of 6 hours eachweek if they do a " Full " Days at preschool

That totals 42 hours out of 168. Meaning the child is with parents 126 hours minimum

@Timeforachange26 Well obviously the child should be with the parents more hours than the grandparents!!

You’re being deliberately facetious surely? Counting hours when the child is asleep isn’t actively parenting is it

@millit Parents actually spending available free time with their own child? That's preposterous, surely?

Even if you take out sleep hours ( during which time you are still restricted by them) it's still more than the 30 hours the grandparents have them

@Timeforachange26 Because they're the parents!! Of course they should have their own child the majority!!!
If you want your time to be unrestricted, then don't have kids.

That's not the post I was speaking about. Someone said the grandparents were doing more parenting in ? 3 day times than the parents do the rest of the week

What about when parents are working full time and child is at child care Less hours with parents then but the childcare isn't parenting

I missed where she said its between 2.5-6 hrs. Mine was open 6.30am til 6pm.

That's a day nursery. 2 of my kids went to ones that were open those hours. Preschools are much shorter hours. Often 9-12 half day or 9-3 full day

@Timeforachange26 Parents working to provide for their child/children so putting them in childcare or leaving them with grandparents is very different to putting them in childcare so they can have two days off to themselves.

But how is it different for the child?,

I looked after our kids during the week (before they went to school) and I had time in the evenings and weekends when my husband was home to do these things for myself. Kids are now older and I am so glad I didn’t miss those years.

So sad- I loved my time looking after the coolest, funniest and most adorable kids on the planet. (I might be a little biased) They are now almost teens and much more independent but we are very close and I would never swap those precious years. But as I said I was not a slave locked in the house. I went swimming and climbing in the evenings, I would have lunch with my friends on a Saturday whilst my husband took them out etc.

Not sending your child to preschool would be wrong, sending on days you do not work is fine. If you were a stay at home mum you would get those days off. As a worker you still need time off, too. As your family are happy all is well. Just do not tell people you are getting the day off so they will not judge you.

@Timeforachange26 One has selfish parents, the other does not.

But if the child is receiving the same care HOW does it actually make any difference to their day to day lives? No one has actually answered that question

@Timeforachange26Because a child spending time with their parent isn't interchangeable with being cared for by someone else, however good that care might be. Surely you can see the value in a child spending time with their parent rather than with a childcare provider?

The difference to their day-to-day life is that they're missing out on two days a week of time with their parent when that parent is actually available.

Nobody is suggesting parents shouldn't have breaks or that preschool is harmful. But there's a difference between needing childcare because you're working and choosing to use it on the days you’re not. The fact that a child is well looked after doesn't automatically mean they're not missing out on anything.

Has anyone questioned the child’s father’s decision to be occupied on 5 days out of 7 at work rather than being with his child? Is that selfish too?

@Floppyearedlabyes absolutely! If the father could afford to work fewer than five days a week but chose to work five anyway, rather than spend more time with his child, I'd question that decision too.

This has absolutely nothing to do with whether it's the mother or father, as I've already made clear on this thread. If either parent has the opportunity to spend more time with their child, I think that should be a consideration.

There's an obvious difference between needing to work to financially support your family and choosing to use childcare on days when you're not working. I'd apply exactly the same reasoning to either parent, so I'm not sure why you're trying to make this about gender.

@millit

some men and women actually enjoy their work and want to progress in their career alongside parenthood.

They don't KNOW they are " missing out" as you put it. So it doesn't affect them.

I'm still not sure what they are missing out on. Sat indoors with a parent? Or involved in child based stuff and seeing parent at 12 or 3 depending on what time the preschool finishes

This.
Either DH or I could work part time. But then how do we choose who takes the hit? We both love our work, know that the pre school years are limited but pretty career/pension denting if certain choices are made, kiddo is happy at preschool and tbh, I’ll say it, the toddler phase is not the only phase of parenthood, neither is it the best IMO. I enjoyed my kid’s primary era way more, and I was sufficiently senior to be able to delegate and be there for key events.

Excuse me? I think I know what my child's childcare settings is called!?

It's a preschool. Attached to a school.