Am I being mean sending my child to preschool on my non working days ?

[Sleepingworries]

Just wondering if I’m being a mean mum here as other peoples assumptions have made me worry.

I work 3 days a week and my ILs look after my toddler while I’m at work. My toddler is now old enough for preschool and I’ve booked my toddler into preschool on my 2 non working days. This just means I get a
bit of a break, time for me so I can do things like go to the gym.

When I’ve been telling people about my child starting preschool, the majority have assumed that it will be on the days I’m working and look quite shocked when I say it’s the days I’m off.

It’s now making me question if I’m being selfish by having those days to myself ? Am I doing something unusual ?

Why do people assume it’s mean to the in laws. My parents and in laws loved spending time with my children when they were little and also now they are older. It is a privilege to them. How sad that the assumption is that it’s a chore for them.

I've always sent my DC to preschool hours on my day off, from 9-12, as they love the morning activities. After a play with their friends they spend the rest of the day with me though.

For me the bit that stood out is you're booking yourself a break but not your in-laws. Why can't they go on some of their mornings too?

It’s not that it’s a chore, it’s that having to be in loco parentis 8am-6pm (or whatever) is absolutely not the same as having your grandchild for a fun Saturday afternoon.

They will have to be stricter, implement more rules and not just do the fun stuff.

Apart from anything else it’s extremely hard work! Assuming they are retired it would be polite to offer to increase their free time.

I opened this thread expecting it to be someone working three days and an extra day in preschool but if I’m really honest I do find it odd you work part time but don’t have your child at all.

It’s only on MN that-the OP is being unfair to her dh because ‘he won’t get free time too’. 😂😂😂

Nursery is just a couple of hours. Many oarehts use a nursery attached to tge gym furcexamole to be able to do exactly what the OP is doing. No one died and no one missed in free time either
The OP will get plenty of time with her dc during the rest of the day.

And her dh can have a couple hours free time at the weekend too. Oh sorry, he already was wasn’t he? Of course he was….. Golf is do much more important than family time fir fathers. They need time off to recharge 😜

Well they are babysitting 3 days a week i am sure they love their grandchild very much, but it would also be nice for the Op and husband to lighten the load by having the child at the preschool a day. Nobody is suggesting they find it a chore.

I think people should have time to themselves of course. But am slightly bewildered that your in-laws have your child 3 full days in the week and you have them 2 half days? I think that’s a huge ask of what sounds like lovely grandparents. You said ‘they didn’t argue’ but that doesn’t sound like they were particularly enthusiastic.

I love my grandchildren, I provide childcare , I love spending time with them we have fun and they make me feel useful. Although in many ways I love it it's also hard and it's tiring. I would never tell my daughter I find it hard or that it's tiring because I want to help her.
I think many parents like to believe that grandparents are desperate to provide childcare that they love every minute of it and want to do more. They also forget that their parents are a lot older than they were when they had their own children.
Don't assume that just because the grandparents haven't objected or because they love spending time with their grandchildren that they are happy to continue providing childcare three days a week when OP has two free days to herself.

Personally I think it's sad that neither parent wants to spend time with their child. I get that toddlers are hard work, we've all been there, but children grow up so quickly and missing out on the early years when you are their absolute world (as opposed to the teenage years when they want nothing to do with you) is heartbreaking.

I would reduce one day with in-laws. I think 3 days childcare with a toddler for grandparents is really hard work. I mean, even OP doesn't want to do it and she is a lot younger than her in-laws.

So your in laws provide free childcare but the parents have their "me time" to play golf or go to the gym ? Yes you are both bloody selfish CFs. You both put yourselves before your child, a child that is in day care 5 days a week when they reall only need to be there 3 days a week but hey ho never mind they are not the priority.

It’s the fact that it’s three days that they do childcare - that is quite a lot!
Plus the OP not doing any of it during the week.

@HouseBee nursery is not just a couple of hours, is it? DD is at a preschool with no wraparound care at all, and even that is 9-3.

I understand the want for a day off, but you have two and have booked your DC in to childcare for both of them. What would have been better would have been if you have booked 1 of your in-laws days and 1 of your days so you could have one day with your Dc and one day to yourself.

Shame you didn't bother to spend the time with your children. I wonder if you will give up your life to look after your GC in the future. Maybe then you will realise how knackering it is and it is not all joyful.

Nursery is just a couple of hours

Why have so many people on this thread said that nursery is only 2-3 hrs? Pre school is often school hours. So definitely enough that it’s not more of a hassle for the grandparents to drop off and pick up, like someone suggested.

If you’re using the idea that it’s just a “couple of hours” as the basis of your argument, then does your view change if OP said it was 9:00-3:30 (which were the hours of my DD’s pre school, with the option to use additional wrap around to take it up to standard nursery hours).

Why don’t you want to spend time with your child? What do you need to do for yourself that takes two days a week?

You’re being quite disingenuous to ask if it’s an unusual set up because you know it is. Most people either work ft because they have to or pt so they can maximise time with their children. You want to outsource childcare 5 days a week so you can go to the gym. It’s obvious that people will find that sad for your very young child who would probably like a bit of time with you which is possible because of your chosen working hours. I’m sure they’d like time with their dad too but he seems to be working ft which presumably allows you to be pt. How does he feel about your plan?

I agree with PP who say you should have offered or booked a preschool day to the grandparents. Fine to have 1 preschool day for you.

Even if the DC only goes for the morning 9-12 session for the grandparens. As much as grandparents adore grandchildren, 8-6 is a long slog.

I know a lot of grandparents through volunteering at my local church playgroup and whilst they all adore their DGC, it is very much a slog for some of them - especially when the DC start toddling/ running/ refusing pushchairs/ on the go all day and start dropping naps or when parents don't want them napping in the afternoon because it "makes bedtime later" so they are in charge of an overtired grumpy toddler. I know many grandparents who were looking forward to the "free" hours kicking in back when the free hours started at age 3.

I also think it is very sad that you don't want to spend one of your days off with your DC at this age. Whilst it is hard at times, it's only a short time before they end up at school all day, 5 days a week. You can do so many lovely things together whilst everything is quieter in the week. I miss my afternoons pottering about with eldest DD now she is at school every day.

It seems unusual to me but that’s not for me to judge. Is the preschool a full day or a shortened day?

My parents would be fuming if they looked after my nephew (who is 2) for 3 full days a week and then his parents put him in nursery the other 2 days when they weren’t working.

Yes they like spending time with him and babysit him and my kids (older and at school) regularly, but 3 x 8 hour days a week, every week, with a toddler is absolutely hard work. You can’t leave him for a second.

They didn’t agree to 3 full days a week because they don’t want that commitment. I don’t think that makes them horrible grandparents at all. They see him frequently and always help out when asked.

Why would it be a privilege for them when its just hard work and a chore to the child's parents? Could it not at least be both?

How do you know how long their nursery hours are? Mine went to pre school and it was 9-3, that was the only sessions they offered.

Personal choice - I think a lot of working mums would love nothing more than the option of having extra days at home with their children, (I know I get a lot of guilt sending them into nursery so that I can work, whilst knowing full well they would rather be at home with me). I have Friday’s off to allow me to spend an extra day with them doing something together as they are only small for such a short time, I would definitely choose to work less if we could afford for me to do so. I would probably feel I couldn’t relate to someone taking 2 days for ‘me time’ if it meant putting their child in childcare…

I think a lack of ‘me time’ usually just goes hand in hand with having small children!

I had 2 days off per week with DS from age 1 until he started school at almost 5 and, despite not being maternal and particularly enjoying a lot of activities that come with the toddler years like pushing Hot Wheels around and feeding ducks, I wouldn't ever have traded those days. We used to go to Longleat, go out for cake, and bake.

That said if my DH was working 5 days and then disappearing to the golf course on weekends I would also be wanting to claw some time back for myself. Fortunately DH did the lion's share of weekend parenting so I was able to go and see a film or read a book for a few hours pretty easily.

Yeah I think this is wrong. I wouldn't call it mean, but it's wrong.
Your pre-schooler doesn't see you 3 days a week cos you're working (unavoidable) but on top of that they won't see you for another 2 days cos you're putting them in to pre-school whilst you get 'me time' and go to the gym?
Your poor toddler isn't going to see you for 5 days a week.
Why did you have a child?

Your in laws are doing 3 days to help you out.
You can't expect them to do 3 days while you do none.
That's not remotely fair