Husband enabled me to embarrass myself

[HiyaWishy]

Husband was sat on the couch with his earphones in playing a game on his phone. He often wears earphones, not just when on a phonecall.
He's got the dog next to him.
I go over, fuss the dog and ask him if he's showering today as he doesn't shower every day. I've no idea why, it gives me the ick. Last week we made a point of making an effort to have sex. I actually said "you've not showered since Saturday. It's Wednesday today. It's not conducive to you having a shag." His response "yeah, I'm sure Bob really wanted to know that'"
He was on the phone!!! I am mortified!!!
I know Bob and have been to his house, know his family.

We've been together 20 years and have two older teenagers.

YABU: I should have checked before talking that he wasn't on the phone

YANBU: He could have prevented that whole situation and if he wanted a shag, he'd shower and instigate it rather than leaving it to me to manage (like everything else).

Yep, Kevin from The Harry Enfield Show is popping up in my head.

@PrettyLittleRose

I'm not sure what that means?

😂

I think he’s the one who should be embarrassed. What an ick. The fact that you think this is an issue for you to be embarrassed about makes me wonder

I agree that he only embarrassed himself not you!

But I do hate it when people sit about in shared areas of the house with a phone line open for ages and ages - not having an active conversation but just keeping a line open whilst they play about and intruding on the privacy of the rest of the household. My son gets told to do this in his room!

To be honest if he had headphones in I wouldn't assume he was not in a call. Even if he was watching a movie I would expect him to take them off when I was speaking with him.

Hopefully Bob will tease him a bit and it will make him shower more.

He's embarrassed and is deflecting it into you with a bit of humour. I wouldn't waste any time thinking you made a fool of yourself because you really didnt. I bet Bob thought it was hilarious! I think I'd say "oops sorry, i had no idea you were on the phone" (because I would be sorry that he felt called out in front of his friend). Then I'd probably have a broader conversation about how I would find daily showers more inviting, also acknkowledging that at least he doesn't smell horrible and that is good and appreciated. No good comes from making someone you love feel like they are repulsive and he doenst sound that bad, just needs a kick up the bum. Some of the reactions here seem very extreme to me.

It's not that uncommon to not have daily showers and I don't think it automatically equals disgusting unless people are getting smelly/dirty. I think leaving it beyond every second day is pushing it though! There's that Graham Norton clip with Tom Cruise guessing the average number of showers taken in Britain in a year and I think the answer was 275. So clearly many people are not showing every single day!

It's basic manners to let someone know if a third party is listening in, even my teens know this!

Also, your dh is disgusting and the fact you have to remind him to wash is not normal in a romantic relationship.

My DP is away all week driving an HGV. He showers every night at the services, and if he gets stuck at a drop or in a lay-by, he’ll boil his kettle and strip wash in the cab.
Many drivers don’t bother and stay in the same clothes all week🤮

Do you think your DH has ’lost interest’ in you, or in the relationship, OP?
If he used to be a regular ‘showerer’ and now isn’t, I’d be wondering why, and asking him why? It’s not pleasant in a relationship, that’s for sure.
Its unacceptable to me.

i love your idea of making a cosy clean little box room den!

Can I ask why that is - absolutely no judgement, just curious.

Do you not feel better after a shower, more fresh, all clean clothes on, smelling nice, just.. better?

I go for a shower ( or bath) at the start of the day, at the end of the day, if I am feeling grubby, or tired, or cold, or poorly, or achy, or even some times, if I am feeling miserable. I always feel better, physically and usually emotionally too.

Just wondering how you can go up to 3 days without that ‘feeling better & fresher’ part of showering.

And yet here you are, posting away.

Why do you give a shit about couples sleeping habits? It's a throwback from the mega poor days when it was necessary for warmth and little room. All pile in the big bed. Sleeping apart is better all round for health.

Unless you're a needy bugger like. Plenty of those on here

Leave this guy and get a clean one that you look forward to sleeping with.

He should be embarrassed, why do you want to stay married to a smelly loser?

I don't think everybody feels this way about it. I shower because it's obviously right to do it and I don't want to be smelly or sweaty but I don't particularly enjoy it. Abrupt changes of temperature can make my health issues flare up, I feel cold when I get out, I don't like the feeling of towels on my skin, and I absolutely hate the sensation of getting dressed with even slightly damp skin. Washing my hair takes a long time and when I don't wash my hair the steam makes it frizzy and knotty, which I then have to sort. I still do it obviously but it's not an enjoyable thing!

@SorcererGaheris

why??

@TotaleclipseinFrance

shes well within her rights to be mean if he expects to have sex with her with “crusty bits”. He has zero respect for her. She should dump him.

If your husband isnt embarrassed about his mates knowing he's a dirty bastard that doesn't bother to shower or has no personal hygiene, then you have far bigger issues!
Personally it demonstrates a complete lack of respect for the relationship....

I think it means that “I’m dead” which if I’m correct means that the person found your post very funny - but I can be wrong.

I couldn’t be with someone who didn’t shower every day. That would not be for me personally.

Why should you be mortified
Bob was probably secretly pleased you’d called him out on his lack of personal hygiene.

He should be embarassed, not you.

I don’t think he set you up. I also don’t think you did anything wrong. It was just a mishap. I am sure Bob had a chuckle then moved on. You are married so I’m sure Bob knows you have sex.

Here's hoping you are discouraging any sexism against men ( or women ) that your daughter comes out with. My husband showers more often than I do. You've just married someone a bit grotty. Sorry about this .Please don't let her perpetuate sexism.

How have you managed to make it all his fault that you didn't check whether he was on the phone or playing a game?

As for the rest, has he really not showered for half a week? Not normal.
And I'm sure Bob knows you have sex. He isn't 5 years old.

Why’s he wearing headphones? Is he 12?

I would always tend to check if people are on the phone, not heard this situation, but lots of people talking babytalk to dogs! Not sure how old he is, but there was some post on elder care and why showering everyday isn't necessarily recommended (not sure if that's true) but does he have physical reasons why it is hard to? I'm not going to make any judgements on having sex meaning someone is a certain age, or has/hasn't any particular needs, but if someone is struggling to shower, I'd wonder why.