Husband enabled me to embarrass myself

[HiyaWishy]

Husband was sat on the couch with his earphones in playing a game on his phone. He often wears earphones, not just when on a phonecall.
He's got the dog next to him.
I go over, fuss the dog and ask him if he's showering today as he doesn't shower every day. I've no idea why, it gives me the ick. Last week we made a point of making an effort to have sex. I actually said "you've not showered since Saturday. It's Wednesday today. It's not conducive to you having a shag." His response "yeah, I'm sure Bob really wanted to know that'"
He was on the phone!!! I am mortified!!!
I know Bob and have been to his house, know his family.

We've been together 20 years and have two older teenagers.

YABU: I should have checked before talking that he wasn't on the phone

YANBU: He could have prevented that whole situation and if he wanted a shag, he'd shower and instigate it rather than leaving it to me to manage (like everything else).

I think he should be more embarrassed that he hasn’t showered

I assume she meant she had no idea why he wouldn’t shower every day !

It sounds like he's well aware of your feelings but unmoved by them. It's pointless to keep telling him he can't have sex unless he bathes when he doesn't want to have sex so you need to find a more effective incentive/disincentive. Or a different partner.

How clean is Bob, just for instance?

Exactly!

That stood out to me, how doesn't she know why it gives her the ick?

Edit: saw her post about what she meant, she doesn't know why he doesn't shower.

OP means she has no idea why he doesn't shower more frequently....

I agree

Why is that?

No, your husband is very gross and you've gone along with it.

Is this really a happy marriage? You moved into the tiny box room because you can't sleep next to your stinky gross husband who doesn't see why he needs to maintain his hygiene and spends his time playing video games...

The bar for what we consider husbands continue sto get lower and lower.

And now you're teaching your daughter that this is what to expect with men, all men are gross so just manage the on your find and get into this weird quasi relationship just so you can be in a relationship and have children.

Reminds of the post recently where the posters boyfriend stinks to high heavens and yet the daughter turns a blind eye and pretends everything is fine...for love.

And the interesting thing is you're the one still initiating sex, he must have a lot of redeeming features.

DP and I would have found it hilarious! In your situation there’s no need for you to be embarrassed at all.

It's true tho...you have a husband issue. There is nothing for you to be embarrassed about

The only person who should be embarrassed is your "D" H . I can't believe you have to plead with him to wash

And is your husband's name Ernie, by any chance?

Well maybe the shame will push him to change.

For your question no you didn't know he was on the phone and he could have indicated he was. And frankly it kinda like he spends too much time on his phone when he is at home talking to Bob and whoever else if his comment is you know he's usually talking to Bob.

Let him stew.

I think it's about 20% of married couples who sleep in different rooms. Some sleep in different beds and the percentage is higher as get older. Snoring and valuing sleep are factors.

My parents did it (dad sounded like a tractor) and we do it too now, same reason, partner snores. Been to sleep clinics, wore earplugs, nothing helped - but our relationship is much better due to the fact I am not so sleep deprived that I can't function and want to kill him.

As for you finding the thread tedious, why do you comment?

I think saying ‘men are just gross’ lets all men off too lightly with an excuse. Plenty of men shower daily and pay good attention to hygiene generally. Expect more.

I think your husband needs to be more mortified that Bob now knows he doesn't shower often! You've been together 20+ years, couples have sex, which I'm sure Bob realises. However, I'm sure Bob didn't know that your husband's hygiene wasn't very good!! He does now!!

Well Op, if husband isn't talking to you then he definitely should not be getting sex from you. Remember, No Banter, No Bonking.

He often wears earphones when not on a call.....are you married to a 15 year old?

Urrrrgghhhh I feel physically sick. Why are you even with this man. I'm judging you now OP(!) (I voted YANBU) - I don't care about the vote because there aren't enough facts. If you just blurted it out then he isn't a mind-reader but he should be showering/cleaning ffs!

The only one who should be embarrassed is your minging husband.

I'm surprised that so many people seem to think it's gross to not shower daily? I'm female and I don't shower every single day.

I shower either once every two days or every three days.

Obviously he should shower.

But I'm struggling to see how he could have predicted that you would tell him that, in that moment.

Either way, it's him that should be embarrassed, not you!

Well I do try and be quick! 😆

💀