Husband enabled me to embarrass myself

[HiyaWishy]

Husband was sat on the couch with his earphones in playing a game on his phone. He often wears earphones, not just when on a phonecall.
He's got the dog next to him.
I go over, fuss the dog and ask him if he's showering today as he doesn't shower every day. I've no idea why, it gives me the ick. Last week we made a point of making an effort to have sex. I actually said "you've not showered since Saturday. It's Wednesday today. It's not conducive to you having a shag." His response "yeah, I'm sure Bob really wanted to know that'"
He was on the phone!!! I am mortified!!!
I know Bob and have been to his house, know his family.

We've been together 20 years and have two older teenagers.

YABU: I should have checked before talking that he wasn't on the phone

YANBU: He could have prevented that whole situation and if he wanted a shag, he'd shower and instigate it rather than leaving it to me to manage (like everything else).

Maybe he'll go shag Bob, now that he's respectably clean...

God, i really hope none of you ever get depression or any condition that makes you lack self care. This could be the loveliest man in the world but the majority would throw him under the bus for not having a shower in 4 days even though they have been together for 20 years?!
Absolutely crazy.

Surely this is more embarrassing for dh!? His mate now knows he's a dirty bastard. I expect most of our friends assume we have sex at some point. At least Bob knows you don't do it with someone when they stink....

So if he doesnt smell whats the problem? I mean yes I wouldnt give my hubby a bj if he hadnt just had a shower but people dont have to shower every day. What did we do before showers were a thing in houses, bath once a week on a Sunday was how it went! We both have desk jobs and unless its particularly hot or we've been doing anything physical like gardening then we shower about 3 times a week. Daily showering dries your skin out, if you want to shower everyday then crack on but not everyone has to follow suit!

4 days without showering, yuk

Lying on the sofa "playing a game with earphones on". There's the first ick of the story.

I agree. I don't think a daily shower is necessary and it might not be a good thing for our skin. I do have to wash certain bits daily - and definitely underarms because I sweat a lot. I change socks and underwear daily but other things can last longer. We're shamed into washing more because somebody wants to sell us something and make a profit.

How could he possibly have known you were going to walk up to him and say that???

Some people definitely do need a daily shower.i would feel grimy if i didn't!

Exactly!!

Indeed.

This scenario is embarrassing for him, not you. If he is mad about that - HE needs to change.

Why are you mortified? The one who should be mortified is DH. Hopefully his friend will tell everyone and he might start washing more frequently 😂

There are so many messages I need to catch up on but just a quick update. DH has had a SECOND SHOWER TODAY!!!
Maybe butting in on his phonecall with Bob was all that was needed?
Who knew! 🤷‍♀️😂

Have you ever attempted a conversation with him about this hygiene issue op? If so, what happened and what was his response?

It is gross. But generally an adult doesn’t just stop washing regularly unless something shifts, eg mental and/or physical ill health, bereavement, etc. There is likely to be more happening.

I think it depends on lifestyle, activity levels and personal preference etc. I shower every day but I believe in super quick showers and a scrub with soap (I hate excess products and the slime of body wash). I don’t linger in there. Clean underwear every day, jeans go longer, a jumper might do as well. Clean tee every day if it’s hot or I have been running about. But if I have sat and worked then sometimes no need and a tee might go two days.

If I exercise I will have a fast second shower, but sometimes just with water.

4 days is pushing it for most adults, very much so if they are active.