Husband enabled me to embarrass myself

[HiyaWishy]

Husband was sat on the couch with his earphones in playing a game on his phone. He often wears earphones, not just when on a phonecall.
He's got the dog next to him.
I go over, fuss the dog and ask him if he's showering today as he doesn't shower every day. I've no idea why, it gives me the ick. Last week we made a point of making an effort to have sex. I actually said "you've not showered since Saturday. It's Wednesday today. It's not conducive to you having a shag." His response "yeah, I'm sure Bob really wanted to know that'"
He was on the phone!!! I am mortified!!!
I know Bob and have been to his house, know his family.

We've been together 20 years and have two older teenagers.

YABU: I should have checked before talking that he wasn't on the phone

YANBU: He could have prevented that whole situation and if he wanted a shag, he'd shower and instigate it rather than leaving it to me to manage (like everything else).

Well that’s healthy, teaching your daughter to be derogatory towards me. She’ll have some interesting relationships when she’s older won’t she?

My husband is impeccably clean. Your husband is dirty and unhygienic. He is the one who should be embarrassed that now his friend knows what a skank he is.

Your husband is gross…. Not all men

He didn't enable you to embarrass yourself, he enabled you to embarrass him, and frankly he deserves it the dirty git.

1. It isn’t you who should be embarrassed, I’d bet Bob isn’t thinking badly of you

2. Be very very careful about what behaviour you are normalising for your DD. All men are not gross, just yours.

Well, you’re married to him — didn’t you notice when he stopped showering?

She coined the phrase! Made up of her own interpretation of men.
And she's not derogatory towards you Fanny. She'll be perfectly behaved should she ever meet you!

He's embarrassed himself because now Bob knows he's a stinky soap dodger with a cheesy knob that gives you the ick. Moreover, that the silly fool is passing up the chance for a lovely shag by failing to give himself a two minute lather and rinse. Most guys would leap at the opportunity. I hope Bob told him so haha.

He's gross.

No, men are not all gross. My 18 year old son showers daily! It's reallt sad that your daughter has internalised this message about men which you have enabled.

This is a really unhealthy way to bring up your DC.

You really couldn't tell he was on a phone call? Don't most calls involve talking from both sides?

What a stupid and unhelpful comment - I am sure at 16 she can make up her own mind about men!!!

Indeed, the thread is about an unwashed willy, not an unwashed fanny 😂

He spent a lot of time away for work. A lot. More away than home. So no, I didn't notice as such which does sound daft but there's been a lot going on. Family trauma that's not relevant as such. Or maybe it is?
I've never unpicked it. But now I am which is why the thread is helpful.

With respect, the comma is key here. “I’ve no idea why, it gives me the ick.” As in she doesn’t know why he doesn’t shower. Arguably, a semi colon would have been better. If she’d said: “I’ve no idea why it gives me the ick.” She would have meant she didn’t know why his hygiene issues repelled her.

I’ll get going now, shall I?

Unless there's a massive drip feed that your husband is Nostradamus how could he possibly have known what you were going to say?
You embarrassed yourself he didn't enable you.
He is a stinky bastard though, why do you want to shag him 😷

So does mine. DS18 showers every day. He's not picking up on any of my enabling messages! Or maybe he is?
DD16 is absolutely fine thank you.

I do love a Mumsnet derail!

I guess you have to think about what life looks like in 10 years OP.

Well, I'd be making all his future birthday and Christmas gifts shower gel, soap and deodorant. And if any friends or family ask for gift ideas for him "oh, he just loves toiletries, get those".

😂😂😂😂😂😂 This has cheered me right up!

This is mn so anything a man does is wrong, but no this is on you

Seperate to that yes not showering is gross but he is not to blame for your embarrassment

Nostradamus! 🤣 No. He's not.
You're right. He didn't know. But if it were me, I would have said or indicated that I was on the phone.

Guess I'm trying to save the marriage? 🤷‍♀️

Have you any idea why you are staying with this discusting man?

There's more to this than him not showering. Gross as that is. No doubt that this thread will be clogged up with people saying how gross he is, though.

To be honest I'm not sure if this is not one of those six of one, half dozen other scenarios.

Which came first? You going to the box room or him not showering?

Never mind, massive drip feed incoming I suspect.

Normally yes but Bob has a tendency to go on. A lot. DH just happened to be at a listening phase apparently.
No idea why he answers to be fair. His counter argument was that I knows he's often on the phone to Bob.