Husband enabled me to embarrass myself

[HiyaWishy]

Husband was sat on the couch with his earphones in playing a game on his phone. He often wears earphones, not just when on a phonecall.
He's got the dog next to him.
I go over, fuss the dog and ask him if he's showering today as he doesn't shower every day. I've no idea why, it gives me the ick. Last week we made a point of making an effort to have sex. I actually said "you've not showered since Saturday. It's Wednesday today. It's not conducive to you having a shag." His response "yeah, I'm sure Bob really wanted to know that'"
He was on the phone!!! I am mortified!!!
I know Bob and have been to his house, know his family.

We've been together 20 years and have two older teenagers.

YABU: I should have checked before talking that he wasn't on the phone

YANBU: He could have prevented that whole situation and if he wanted a shag, he'd shower and instigate it rather than leaving it to me to manage (like everything else).

How are you married to someone so gross?

No idea i sometimes shower every other day. However 4 days is bad hygiene and anti-shag-not-today-dear

Well, unless he got dirty, he doesn’t need two showers in a day. Waste of water. I think you need to talk to him about his excessive showering 😉😂

Just because you don’t shower doesn’t mean your dirty
OP already confirmed he’s doesn’t smell so he must have some hygiene routine that’s obviously working

my dad only showered twice a week max and he wasn’t dirty
think it went back to his national service days where they had a proper wash
back in the 1970’s I doubt people were showering every day

the thing is we’re now in the mind set it’s a shower or nothing there’s threads on here asking about how to cope with bathroom refurb and no shower it’s the end of the world
we’ve lost the ability to wash like people used to

Just because you don’t shower doesn’t mean your dirty
OP already confirmed he’s doesn’t smell so he must have some hygiene routine that’s obviously working

Some lucky folk (alas not me) are less stinky/sweaty than others and perhaps can get away with not showering as frequently as every day. BUT one's hands, face, pits and genitalia/arse crack do need to be properly washed every day and that is a hill I will die on. I'll bet my house that old Stinky Pete wasn't giving Lowly Worm a quick sink dangle and soaping during those four days. Bleurgh.

Those who don’t shower everyday…don’t you exercise??

@Whatthefork1

Neither of my parents ever showered every day (Dad is no longer here, but Mum is and she still doesn't) so I didn't grow up with showering every day as the norm.

I think how often people choose to shower can often be tied to how they feel - I just don't feel dirty every single day and so don't see it as necessary to take a shower. My hair doesn't get greasy after just 24 hours of no shampoo and conditioner, so it doesn't need attending to every day.

Some people have jobs or activities where showering every day is a necessity; others may just not feel clean enough without doing so every day, which is fine. But showering frequency is a subjective thing for everyone rather than an objective universal rule.

@Cherrytree86

I don't exercise currently, no. Some people lead very sedentary lifestyles.

This is embarrassing in the extreme. Though I'd say an unfortunate accident rather than anyone's fault. You didn't know he was on a call. He couldn't have expected you to say something like that at that moment.
Going forward, I'm sure one or both of you will ensure the other is not talking to someone else before discussing your intimate business, so its unlikely to happen again.
Which just leaves the bigger problem of his hygiene to worry about.

@SorcererGaheris

nope, it not about how they feel, it’s about how they smell. That’s what dictates showering. A person may feel absolutely fine but smell rancid.

@Cherrytree86

Well, if they don't smell bad, there's no need for them to shower every day, is there? Obviously they can if they feel like it, but it's not a necessity.

So if I don't smell bad within 24 hours of my last shower, there is no need for me to have another one so soon.

There's some enabling going on, that's for sure, but I fear you may be focusing on the wrong bit.

This 👆 ladies and gentlemen is why the bar is in hell when it comes to dating. Scuzzy men, and the women who love them.

@SorcererGaheris

a lot of people will smell bad though and just not realise it. When it’s yourself it’s a lot harder to detect, you become kind of immune/desensitised to it - but others around you certainly don’t! Going on any bus or tube journey attests to this, they always stinky.

@Cherrytree86

That's true, but by the same token, some people genuinely don't smell bad after only 24 hours. So no one can universally say that everyone needs to shower every day.

I walk the dog everyday but that doesn't get me dirty or sweaty, I go to the gym 2 or 3 times a week which are the days I usually shower on. Just living doesn't make me sweaty or grimy enough to need to shower 😉

This!

@CatA27

it does.

It really doesnt, your life might make you sweaty but mine doesnt most days. Like I said, we never used to shower everyday, people didnt have showers and it was too expensive to heat water for a bath everyday so people went from 1 week to the next without a full body wash and even longer in years before that. Its personal preference and you can't judge someone else by your preference. I personally brush my teeth 3 times a day, I know others dont but I dont judge them unless they are breathing stinky breath in my face but most people dont so how often they brush their teeth is up to them.

Just to say I'm with you. Frequently don't shower every day, especially through the colder months. It's a waste of hot water. This doesn't mean the dirty parts go unwashed, they do, its just that I don't go through the whole showering hoo-ha each day.