Husband enabled me to embarrass myself

[HiyaWishy]

Husband was sat on the couch with his earphones in playing a game on his phone. He often wears earphones, not just when on a phonecall.
He's got the dog next to him.
I go over, fuss the dog and ask him if he's showering today as he doesn't shower every day. I've no idea why, it gives me the ick. Last week we made a point of making an effort to have sex. I actually said "you've not showered since Saturday. It's Wednesday today. It's not conducive to you having a shag." His response "yeah, I'm sure Bob really wanted to know that'"
He was on the phone!!! I am mortified!!!
I know Bob and have been to his house, know his family.

We've been together 20 years and have two older teenagers.

YABU: I should have checked before talking that he wasn't on the phone

YANBU: He could have prevented that whole situation and if he wanted a shag, he'd shower and instigate it rather than leaving it to me to manage (like everything else).

I would have been embarrassed for myself. Your husband eww. Ick

Might be having a shower at her place.

2 or 3 times a week is gross.

So he was away from home for long periods, which could have felt very lonely and altered his mood, and then he went through some trauma, and in that time period he stopped showering. Lack of self care is a very common sign of depression. 100 odd messages calling your husband disgusting are probably not helpful.

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/depression/for-friends-and-family/#TipsForStartingTheConversation

His not speaking to you is absolute proof that you embarrassed him in front of his friend.

If you see how mate start referring to dh as Stinky Pete...
Personally think he needs the box toom.

😆

Yabu to think he should’ve known you might launch into a conversation about your sex life, unless you mention it on a daily basis.

He embarrassed himself. Had he been cleaner, the conversation wouldn't have taken place at all.
At what stage do we hold people to account? This is on him 100%.

The real question is why do you want to have sex with him at all? He sounds like a useless lump.

Yep if you shower too often it damages the natural oils in your skin. Loads of research has been done about it.

unless you are heavily exercising showering daily causes more long term damage and skin irritation.

It was just bad timing to be passive aggressive op😉 but yes agree he should shower more (not every day though, I don’t think people need that in general except those of us going through the hot flush fun! Definitely before any bed action though if someone hasn’t that day (although as a once off fine!)

I can't believe all the comments saying they would not stay with a man who did not shower every day. It was only since the 1990s that a daily shower became a thing, along with the electric shower. Before that, we had mixer taps that were either boiling hot or freezing cold so showers were generally avoided in favour of the bath. The bath took a lot of water and heating so was not used every day. At least that was better than in our grandparents' day, when the weekly bath was a tub into which successive family members were dunked, the youngest being the last.

your man op. Not everyone else’s. My dh showers twice a day. My kids bath every single day.

anyway it’s him who should be so embarrassed. That is truly revolting. Hopefully bob spreads the word.

you don't have to speak to shag though? 😅Sometimes it's better when they keep their mouth shut.

The showering and the phone call are not related, so why are you conflating them? He's unreasonable to shower so infrequently, especially if it's affecting your relationship, but it's not his fault that you blurted that out when he was on the phone.

Yeah but everyone was in it together, and it wasn't a thing. It's a thing now. It's easy, accessible, and frankly anyone that doesn't shower each day, is gross.

Agree, please don’t pass this kind of rubbish onto your daughter , you are telling her if you want a relationship this is what you get, no it’s a choice , my husband would shower twice a day ideally.

Nailed it.

also that the OP has standards

Nailed it. No shower for 4 days is disgusting. I wouldn't want to be within 10 feet of him. He must stink!

But yeah @HiyaWishy as has been said, don't tar all men with the same brush. My DH's hygiene is impeccable, always has been.

The idea that a standard, quick daily shower inherently ruins your skin is an exaggeration. Very long showers, harsh scrubbing can damage the skin leading to..... dryness! So unless a person has a skin issue, not exactly massive is it? Quick, not too hot showers daily is absolutely fine for the skin. Makes me laugh when people go on about that as a reason not to shower.

I really think people who still use this nonsense as a reason are really very dim.
it’s not the 1900s anymore. Did you notice that?
Times have moved on, centuries on.
My dh uses public transport everyday and he showers every day. My kids have a bath/shower every single day. At least I know I won’t have minging teens that people on here complain about.
Not having a daily clean for us, is like not brushing your teeth.
we have showers, electricity, bath products op. No reason why anyone can’t have a daily quick shower/clean. And absolutely no reason to be sharing disgusting bath water.

Bob will be heading to Superdrug to buy your malodorous husband a Lynx gift set.
You are right, Stig of the Dump is wrong!

As with all things, we change and often for the better.
Just because we didn't do things back 40, 50 years ago doesn't mean we shouldn't do them now.

Oh, this made me laugh WAY too loud!
Glad I wasn't drinking when I read this. Could have drowned myself.