Husband enabled me to embarrass myself

[HiyaWishy]

Husband was sat on the couch with his earphones in playing a game on his phone. He often wears earphones, not just when on a phonecall.
He's got the dog next to him.
I go over, fuss the dog and ask him if he's showering today as he doesn't shower every day. I've no idea why, it gives me the ick. Last week we made a point of making an effort to have sex. I actually said "you've not showered since Saturday. It's Wednesday today. It's not conducive to you having a shag." His response "yeah, I'm sure Bob really wanted to know that'"
He was on the phone!!! I am mortified!!!
I know Bob and have been to his house, know his family.

We've been together 20 years and have two older teenagers.

YABU: I should have checked before talking that he wasn't on the phone

YANBU: He could have prevented that whole situation and if he wanted a shag, he'd shower and instigate it rather than leaving it to me to manage (like everything else).

Urghh disgusting. How can you put up with that?

The only person who should be embarrassed is your gross husband who should shower more often. You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m sure Bob knows that people have sex with their spouses.

Normally if I call someone and other people can hear, they say (for example) 'hi drink, I've got Bert in the car with me' and then Bert and I say hi and then carry on the conversation that we were going to have but conscious that someone is listening. It's polite to warn people. In this case, if your husband often wears ear plugs and there was no indication that he was on the phone and you couldn't hear Bob but Bob could hear you, I think he should have indicated to you that he was on the phone. If there was no way of you knowing in advance then you could have said anything private or personal or embarrassing, he should have indicated that one of his friends could hear whatever you said, before you said it

She didn’t use the comma correctly though so it changed the meaning of the sentence.

You have no need to be embarrassed.
It's him that should.
He clearly isn't concerned about your marriage so let him off.
Separate bedrooms are a godsend.

I sincerely doubt bob heard you, especially as he was chatting away.

It does sound like there's more to it though. My husband is ND and doesn't shower every day because I mentioned the water bill was very high. He got it into his head that he shouldn't shower every day. Perhaps there's a weird reason your husband stopped showering daily, have you asked? And to be fair, there are plenty of people who don't shower daily and who are not stinky. My hubby will shower if there's a hint of nooky though.

I suspect having separate rooms and referring to men as penisheads isn't really conducive to a romantic relationship though. If my husband called all women fannyheads, I wouldn't really be rushing to have a sex life either.

And it may be a derail, but teaching your daughter ot is okay to talk about the opposite sex like that is a problem. Would you let your son do the same?

As you said- you're trying to save your marriage, and, embarrassment aside, it sounds like it needs some help.

I think this is the most I’ve ever been quoted on a thread. Sadly it isn’t for my dazzling insight but for misreading a comma. Oh I do love MN.

Men that don't shower, don't get sugar!

If he wanted 'certain services' I would expect that to be washed with carbolic.
His loss.
However, poor personal hygiene is often a sign of depression. I doubt he's shagging someone else if he's a soap dodger (my DH has 72 male manual employees and regularly has to give out the Mitcham, soap dodger is one of his favourite expressions).

Well I don't know if me starting another tedious hygiene thread, or you commenting on my tedious hygiene thread has worked but I've gone in to the kitchen to make a brew and seen DH who is FRESH OUT OF THE SHOWER!
He's not talking to me like, but he's clean!

And no, I did not work with him to cure his snoring. I'll stick that one on my to do list.

I like the punctuation derail 🤣🤣.

Anyway, your DH should be embarrassed not you. Imagine your wife having to tell you to shower to enable your sex life! He’s actually bloody lucky you’re getting involved in his personal hygiene to have a shag.

also, my ds is only 14 and showers once a day of his own accord!

ETA glad he has showered! Also I think separate bedrooms can be a positive thing especially with a snorer. And that if he wants to sleep together then sorting the snoring is on him 🤷🏻‍♀️. My DP used to snore but no spare bedrooms here alas. Losing 3 stone seems to have fixed it though. Now I never know if he’s awake or not as he breathes so quietly 😂.

This. Spouses shagging is normal. Not showering for 4 days is not normal. DH should be mortified, not you.

You have no need to be embarrassed.
Its normal to want sex with your husband.
It's normal to expect him to be clean for it.

He should be embarrassed that he has to be asked to bathe.

So is he expecting a shag now then?

I bet Bob showers daily like most men too. Your dh gives me the total ick.

I'm laughing out loud at this!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣
He isn't actually speaking to me so I've no idea.

Was your husband asking for sex while he was on the phone? He didn’t do anything to embarrass you if you just bought the conversation up out of no where.

also most people only need to shower 2-3 times a week, you say your husband doesn’t smell so maybe he is a person who doesn’t need daily showers

He embarrassed himself. Sounds gross. I would have the absolute ick.

That would suggest that he cares more about Bob’s opinion of his hygiene than yours I’m afraid.

Why was it not apparent that he was on the phone? Does he have out-loud conversations with imaginary friends? Was he just listening while Bob did all the talking? Were they on a "sleep call" like the OP's teenage son from that recent thread?

I couldn't carry on being married to someone who wasn't clean it's awful !! 😭

Oh, so you have a stinky sulker for a husband? Aren't you lucky?! Grins. Hope you're being bright and breezy around him, don't show he gets to you.

And the fact he's not talking to you shows you that actually he is the embarrassed one, quite right too! He may make an effort going forward? Love how men sulk and blame the woman instead of their own actions. If he showered more often, that conversation wouldn't have taken place at all.

Don't get me started on those bloody air pod things in general but yes, they absolutely do lead to situations like that where you're not aware he's on the phone because only he can hear the other person talking. And mobile phones pick up the background really clearly too. I could really get going on this subject!!

I shower every day because I just don't feel clean otherwise and I think most people do? However, my parents didn't and they used to wash themselves with various different flannels at the bathroom sink. If you husband does neither for days on end then that is a bad.

2-3 times a week? Ohhh no. Yuck.

This

Exactly this. Which should give OP pause as to whether the marriage is worth saving.