Half cringing. Half admiring. Turning up at wedding after being uninvited.

[SlothsRUs]

We were at a wedding yesterday and we’re still at the hotel.

Husband had been out with a friend a few weeks ago and she had told him that the groom’s brother had stepped down from being best man as his stepson had not been invited.

I was delighted at this as when same thing happened to us my husband wasn’t supportive

It then emerged that he had tried to stop his own son from going but child’s mother and rest of family stepped in.

Yesterday came along and there is groom’s brother, wife and stepson sitting at back of church in casual clothes.

They then stood at entrance to churchyard at which point mother of groom saw him and started crying Family and friends including my DH shook hands.

We check in to hotel and come down and nephew is being comforted by the ushers

Brother of groom, wife and stepchild had come to hotel as well, where they stayed in the entrance for four hours.

He claimed he just wanted to be on the periphery of his brother’s big day.

I was half cringing and half admiring. I wanted to curtsy for his sheer chutzpah.

No one is talking about anything else.

quite

This isn’t the good move that you seem to think it is. In fact, it’s an absolutely pathetic thing to have done.

The only fuckwits here are a bride and groom who are so incredibly rude as to not invite a Best Man's whole family (meaning minors at home, not necessarily adult children).

That’s genuinely disgusting narcissistic behaviour. He stepped down as best man to make a point…then turned up anyway? More point making? At someone else’s wedding? He can get fucked.

And you admire this?

I was delighted at this as when same thing happened to us my husband wasn’t supportive

You were delighted that two brothers were tearing each other apart over the definition of family? I must admit, I had to read your updates before your initial post about what happened made any sense at all, but I’m obviously still missing something here.

I think that's really nasty behaviour to be honest, genuinely spiteful.

Agreed even though I think the family outside are "in the wrong" - this could all have been very much avoided if the groom had just invited the young kid in the first place. They've both just ensured the family are at odds with each other and repair is much more difficult.

I don’t get why the nephew is crying because his father, stepmother and step brother are there.
why did stepbrother need to be flanked in order to walk inside?

They sat in the vestibule of hotel with toasted sandwiches and drinks

The groom’s brother and his wife behaved appallingly from start to finish. Pulling out of being best man, trying to stop his son from attending, causing his mother anguish.

People who “blend” their families have to understand that their birth family may not feel so committed to step-children. It was the brother’s choice to try to force all the rest of his family to accept his wife’s child, but the rest of his family doesn’t have to make that choice. And it is a choice.

I’m really confused.

Why would the nephew’s father stop the nephew going?

why did the nephew then get upset when he saw his dad at church? Does that mean the nephew went to wedding but dad refused, but loitered outside??

I think you need to stop referring to ‘him’ and ‘he’ as there are so many men in this story, it’s hard to work out who did what to whom!

can you clarify if any kids were invited? It sounds like a child free wedding where the groom wasn’t going to invite even his own child from a previous relationship? Have I got that right?

it would help work out what the issue was here- is this about step kids not being treated as family? Or is this entitled guests getting sulky because of limited guest list/ child free wedding?

would be useful context why people refused to go to wedding ! Makes a big difference

i did no such thing , I said he shouldn’t have done it but can understand his reason . I would never agree with hurting 2 children . I don’t particularly care for the bride and groom in this case but other because they choose to leave a 9 year old out simply because they acre not blood related 🤷🏻‍♀️and because as I said I think family is everyday not just for weddings

The nephews reaction and needing to be looked after by other family members is what's making me wonder what the backstory is here.

I agree , I think they both behaved bad . Thai was all easy to avoid but everyone decided to stick to a point instead of actually doing the right thing

Also was his second wife invited? It’s poor form to omit the family if the best man, imo.
as I always say, it’s your wedding so invite who you want but expect there to be potential consequences.

Was it a child free wedding? (I note that nephew was dressed like the ushers)

Coming to the church, to witness the vows, is acceptable. They sat at the back (would have been even better if there was a gallery). Using the opportunity to 'catch up with family' is not on. However cross he was with his brother that was vindictive and just trying to upset everyone.

I'm a bit confused at your DH going to shake the gatecrasher's hand but you say he (and his family) don't approve of the gatecrashing?.

People keep saying that the brother was uninvited. He wasn't. He uninvited himself, and attempted to uninvite his son.

Having uninvited himself, he turned up anyway, with wife and stepson, in casual clothing, and then eating toasted sandwiches in the vestibule of the hotel.

He'd made his point by stepping back from being his brothers best man. There really was no excuse for turning the wedding into an EastEnders episode.

Good….. couldn’t happen to nicer people 🤣🤣🤣

Imagine inviting a whole family and leaving out one child, utter trash people, glad their wedding was ruined ✌️

I think I need an annotated family tree, the sort that's sometimes put at the front of novels.

The cost, time and effort that goes into a wedding, and OP admires someone who spoiled it for this couple.

MN really is a parallel universe.

I think groom A asked his brother B to be best man. B agreed. Then B discovered his stepson C (around 9 years old) wasn't invited so he said he wasn't going either. B also has a son D (12 years old). B tried to stop D going to the wedding but D's mother and other relatives intervened. B rocked up to the church with his current wife (C's mother) and C. They wore casual clothes and sat at the back. After the ceremony they hung around in the churchyard chatting with wedding guests. (A and B's mother cried.) B then takes his family to the hotel where the reception is bing held where they remain for several hours in a public area. D cries.

As others have said, I agree that the brother who uninvited himself and his wife from the proceedings were pathetic and their actions were clearly intended to ruin the wedding.

That said, it was an easily avoidable situation in the first place had the groom invited his brother's stepson along too. Was it really not possible for them to do that? Yes, there's the whole but the kid is not 'blood' family but the exact same is true of many of the guests, the friends and partners of relations.
It doesn't sound like there was a capacity issue at the venue so in the process of the bride/groom either trying to prove some weird point or save a few quid on an extra child, they set themselves up to have their day ruined, wasting thousands of pounds. Madness!
I don't think it's particularly something to admire OP. You're watching a family tear itself apart.

I am afraid you come across as rather trashy yourself here.

That's my take on it too. You've explained it far better than I could have

They had it coming though - really unfair not to invite step kids if you’ve invited biological kids which it sounds like was the case. Could the bride and groom really not have ordered another kids’ spag bol and squeezed a chair in?