AIBU to feel put off when he hints at staying over? Dating in menopause

[Slowromance]

I've met a lovely man online- he's friendly, kind nice and I really like him. We met at the end of August and have probably had 10 dates. I've had the chat with him about wanting to go slow with the physical side due to menopause and also, I tend to only gather attraction to someone when I like them a lot and develop feelings for them. This is developing nicely for me- I enjoy seeing him, cuddling and kissing and there are stirrings of wanting more so I'm confident this will develop on. He's said he's fine with a slow pace but a few hints are creeping in (he's coming for dinner at the weekend and he's said "shall I bring my toothbrush just in case?") The thing is, every time he pushes even slightly, it pushes me away.
Has anyone else dated in menopause and felt the same? Any advice gratefully received!

OP what did you say to the toothbrush suggestion?

You invited him for dinner. He hopes you've invited him for dinner, bed and breakfast.

Of course he's lovely about waiting for sex. He has to be lovely to get it.

I said not this time as my spare room is full of stuff!

Oh good reply

he knows not staying at yours for sex

and if /when he did stay it would be in the soar room

*spare

Intimacy may help with all those tbh !

Absolutely but I can only be intimate when emotionally attached

You’re overthinking it. Just shag him already!

It will take as long as it takes for it to feel
right to you and that’s fine. That’s for YOU to decide. He can chose to walk away if he doesn’t want to wait. It usually takes me three months but haven’t dated since divorce so not sure if that might change.

And that is fine. I’m the same. Don’t feel pressured to step
outside of what you know about yourself.

Why should she when she doesn't want to yet?

Stop trying to shame the woman into shagging a man when she's not ready to. Honestly, some of the posters on here sound just like men!

After a sexual relationship has established yes, before, its just weird and dumb game playing.
I really hope you don't have daughters and advise them along your lines........

More like she will be at home looking over their social media pages and WhatsApp profile pictures.

A lot of men of this age are just not interested in another sexless relationship with a prude. They've often just escaped one as it is.

adds sexless prude to my CV

I'm embarrassed for you.

I REALLY hope you're not a woman. If you are, that is a sickening and revolting comment.

Ok.

OP is not a meet'em shag'em person. That's fine.

She wants to know someone well, feel trust in them, be sure they are a decent human being before she has sex. That's fine.

That does not mean she is frigid. You can fancy a real rogue and make the wise decision not to have sex with them. Feeling sexually attracted to someone is not the only basis for a relationship.

She is not after a shag, she is after a proper relationship.

And now the OP is being called a prude. This is crazy.

Is the dinner tonight OP?

No it was last night actually as my work shift was cancelled. I had chatted earlier in the day about it to 2 friends (one male married for 25 years and one female (happily single) who are both my age and they were very much in the "no need to rush" camp.
I then spoke to him about it again and
He was still positive about that and I have also decided to stick to my guns and move at my pace. If it's a deal breaker for him, I'm willing to accept that.
I am not a person who can just say "right you're my partner now" and go full in and that's ok with me!