AIBU to think toddler groups are reasonably for parents, not childminders?

[Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar]

I've seen a couple of posts on Facebook now from toddler groups or mum and baby groups requesting that childminders do not attend and that it's for parents and children.

These are those small church hall or community centre type groups, where there's toys, you get a biscuit and sing wheels on the bus, then go home for nap time, that sort of thing.

AIBU to think that actually, that's quite reasonable? They usually have limited space because they are in church halls, and are popular. They aren't just for babies and toddlers IMO they are a lifeline for parents, usually mums and provide support and a chance to make friends with other mums, connect, ask for advice, breastfeed in comfort, have a hot cup of tea they didn't need to make themselves, and get some adult conservation for a bit. Baby and toddlerhood can be such an isolating time.

I get that children love it and it's a shame for them to miss out just because their parents are at work, but surely it's there for the benefits of parents just as much of not more, and childminders shouldn't be clogging up the spaces?

I’m a childminder, I’ve always made friends at toddler groups and that then means when those mums need to return to work they’re confident in my care because they’ve got
To know me at the toddler groups.
youre not going to be convinced I can see that, I am not sure why you bothered posting. But I wholeheartedly disagree. The vast majority of childminders cause absolutely no reason why a mum can’t do all of the things you mention, because we are there just hanging with our kids, having a hot cup of tea we didn’t make ourselves and also getting some adult conversation too 👌🏼

That sounds like quite a niche case - absolutely correct given the demographics you describe and the aims and location of your group but not how most groups outside uber-deprived urban areas work, and I’ve been to loads in lots of different settings. But, like I said, definitely the right decision in you specific case.

I agree with you, and they absolutely, definitely are for parents as well as the children (arguably more for parents!).

The reason they have to even say 'no childminders' is that they end up turning up to socialise with the other childminders, bring 5 kids each and then TOTALLY ignore them.

If they didn't do this, nobody would even notice they were a childminder and they wouldn't have to have a rule.

I kind of see your point.

When sure start was around, the sessions were definitely as much about support for parents as being a place for kids.

However, they are there for kids, and so I don’t think childminded kids should miss out. In fact a lot of parents choose CMs so their kids still get to go out and about to this type of session rather than being in a nursery in one room all day (I did use a nursery but this was a concern of mine, and I chose one with lots of garden time and trips out).

CMs are often parents too and may only be minding one or two additional kids as well as their own. So it would be rough for their children to miss out on socialising.

A couple of childminders came to ours, it never even crossed my mind to question whether they should be excluded.

Now I have questioned it, yes they can be there.

The children in their care will be benefitting from playing with other children and toys, why should they miss out?

one of the childminders always led the singing at the end, which was useful.

Regarding isolated parents and lifelines. Perhaps as well as finding it beneficial to speak with other parents, they might get support from chatting with a childcare professional.

Why should the toddlers miss out because their parents are working? When I’ve seen childminders with toddlers in tow at these groups, I’ve just thought it’s lovely. Sometimes a couple of them meet there and chat while the children play.
Have you thought about setting up your own group and banning childminders?

I can imagine the awkward conversation telling a grandparent they can’t be there and then being told they are an older parent!

This does seem to be quite common unfortunately- although I guess they could say “no more than x children per adult, all adults must actively supervise their children and failure to do this may lead to a ban”. Although that does sound a bit off putting in its officiousness!

Again, Sure Start centres back in the day always made sure you were supervising you own child - even to the point of sometimes coming across a bit rude.

My childminders took my DC to toddler groups, including groups I had taken them to on maternity leave. It was such a good way of my DC socialising with other children whilst I was at work. YABU.

From my experience that would have been a real shame. As a new mum, I made friends with a childminder who gave me so much practical advice and help and we’re still friends years later.

What about grandparents? foster carers? dads?

If childminders weren’t allowed at our local playgroup there would be hardly anyone there! They mainly suit pre schoolers so parents are back at work

Many people choose childminders over nurseries to give a more homely experience for their baby/child. If they don’t go to these groups what do you expect them to do instead @Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar

As long as they’re not filling the place up to the point others can’t attend I don’t see a huge issue.

What does annoy me is a family venue near us with a cafe, the place is big with a soft play area and has about 20 high chairs available but some weekday mornings they are all taken by childminders and their charges (who will all arrange to meet there). The adults maybe buying a coffee each but taking up tables and high chairs for the kids having their packed lunches. We’ve had to leave in the past (having intended to buy food for both me and DS) because people buying the bare minimum from the cafe are using all the space and facilities, and I don’t fancy DS sitting on my lap while we both try to eat. Granted the cafe is also to blame for not clamping down on people bringing their own food in though. To add the same venue has plenty of picnic areas both in the open and under cover.

I inititally felt the same as you, as i remember not getting a space at group one time and I was annoyed that the childminders were all in. However I couldn't have been more wrong.

The 3 childminders i see regularly at group have been one of the greatest gifts to my early motherhood days.

Great tips for rainy days in. Reassurance about any worries I had (I couldnt get that from new mum friends as we were mostly all 1st time mums) A comforting shoulder when I arrived panicked after a head bump. All the guidance re other groups or things on. They also help coordinate chat a bit for mums who are new.
I get its frustrating when limited spaces though

I’m surprised to be honest as round here a lot of toddler groups (and preschools and primary schools) are struggling to fill spaces. Falling birth rate has hit hard here.

No issue with childminders, though.

I went to years of playgroups with my kids and made friends with some of the childminder regulars, too! In fact they were often some of the friendliest people there, because they were never part of a clique…

I didnt make many mum friends at playgroups, but I did make friends with a great childminder.

Strange post. Toddlers looked after by childminders benefit from socialisation with other toddlers too in group settings. Why would anyone deny them that?

Similarly, childminders might want adult conversation and can also be really great to talk to. I knew a really popular childminder who attended a library play session every week. She was loved by the kids and adults, because she was really chatty and remembered everyone's names!

Toddler groups are for the toddlers! As a parent I’d have no problem with a childminder taking a child. It’s great for them socially and they have a lot of fun. Why would you deny a child that opportunity just because its parents can’t attend?

I agree if it's called parent and toddler.

We go to a free session run by the council and in the holidays there were childminders and grandparents bringing older children (its only for kids up to age 2). Older kids were well behaved, but I didn't feel like I could let my daughter roam as freely as normal as wasnt sure what the (not closely supervised) children would be like. Its not specifically for parents, so I dont mind who is bringing the kids, but I do think the children's age matters in that case.

I remember going to a childminder when I was little and all the local childminders had a session at the village hall a few days a week. This seems reasonable for them to have their own events.

That’s fair enough tbh

A Mother could have a newborn , age 1 , age 2 ,age 3 and age 4 baby / toddlers . More if twins . .Child minders have strict rules how many they can look after at one time.

Ours was run by a childminder, and a couple of other childminders attended as well. Wasn't an issue, and a few of the children brought by the childminders were the same age as my son and started nursery with him.

Yes I think that's a bit of an odd take @Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar I was very lucky in so far as my auntie looked after my son when I had to go back to work after Mat Leave, I hate to think they would have been excluded on the basis that she isn't his parent, there's a bg gap in ages in my family & the same on his dads side so there weren't any close in age cousins etc so this would have been a great way for him to meet & engage with other toddlers & babies before he started playschool

As it happens they never went to any, he was far too happy being whisked here, there & everywhere by extended family but I still think it would have been a lifeline should the need have arisen