AIBU to think toddler groups are reasonably for parents, not childminders?

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I've seen a couple of posts on Facebook now from toddler groups or mum and baby groups requesting that childminders do not attend and that it's for parents and children.

These are those small church hall or community centre type groups, where there's toys, you get a biscuit and sing wheels on the bus, then go home for nap time, that sort of thing.

AIBU to think that actually, that's quite reasonable? They usually have limited space because they are in church halls, and are popular. They aren't just for babies and toddlers IMO they are a lifeline for parents, usually mums and provide support and a chance to make friends with other mums, connect, ask for advice, breastfeed in comfort, have a hot cup of tea they didn't need to make themselves, and get some adult conservation for a bit. Baby and toddlerhood can be such an isolating time.

I get that children love it and it's a shame for them to miss out just because their parents are at work, but surely it's there for the benefits of parents just as much of not more, and childminders shouldn't be clogging up the spaces?

It depends on the size of the group, with my daughter we went to a group that was 0-5 y and could be up to 50 children. There were a handful of childminders and probably 3-8 of the 50 children on any given week were with childminders and it didn't impact on the group.
I went to one class with my son somewhere else, there were 6 of us and one of the attendees was their with her neighbours 14m old as they had a 1 week old and needed help. She dominated the whole session complaining about the parent. I think with groups that are very small it's more about the parents

The majority of childminders I’ve seen at toddler groups are utterly incompetent and put me off sending my dc to one.

Once saw a 6 month old get kicked in the face by a toddler of the childminders. Had to take the screaming baby to her and explain what happened as she was sat gossiping in another room leaving them unattended. Same one used to slag the parents off to anyone who would listen.

I go to a toddler group now and there is one older childminder who is very hands on. She’s retiring this year but out of all the ones I’ve encountered, she’s the only one who I would have trusted.

I ran a parent and toddler group at our church until very recently and we had to ban childminders from ours. I hate the word "ban" as it sounds so harsh but that is what we had to do.
Our church is town centre and it's right in the middle of a very deprived area with lots of low income families, single mums, refugee families etc. We really wanted to support families and parents as much as we wanted to give children something nice to do. We wanted parents to connect with each other, have a cup of tea and relax while the kids played, and we wanted to be able to identify any social issues and direct to foodbanks or other services if necessary.

Trouble is, we were only legally allowed to accommodate 50 people in the hall, and even that was a stretch, so we were having to turn people away. We were very popular being town centre and so easily accessible on public transport, a free activity for skint mums, and we had the food snacks, so some days we were turning away almost half the people that turned up.

The childminders took up a massive proportion of attendees. There were anything between 6 and 9 of them, all with 3 or 4 children each so a minimum of 24 people just from childminders, that's half our capacity.

They just weren't who we were aiming at. They didn't need any support or help, and they were using the spaces for people who might have needed it more. Plus they absolutely troughed all our snacks.

So we made the not easy decision to stop them from coming. We got a lot of backlash on social media but largely, our decision was supported.

We were at full capacity every week still since we stopped childminders coming in and we did a huge amount of good for the local community.

Completely agree with the OP who says these groups are for parents as much as children. They really really are. I know several groupleaders and every one of them would say the same thing. We set them up with families in mind.

So you’d object to fathers and grandparents?

They're for adults in charge of young children. The one we go to seems to have a mix of mums, dads, grandparents, childminders and nannies. I guess it becomes a bit of an issue if one group loudly dominates.

How do you find a childminder otherwise is my experience, IE I got talking to one that seemed nice at a baby group and then she basically raised my third child! Seems an odd view to me to exclude them but I haven't seen them 'taken over'. Also dads, grandparents, nannies, non birth parent mother? They also do often run them and the groups can benefit from that consistency.

I started off taking my own children to our local toddler group. They grew, and started school, and the mortgage rates went through the roof. I started childminding in order to be able to keep the house and carried on going to toddler group with my minded children. I don't see the problem.

Childcare.com

I used to be a cm - I had no more than 2 children at a time. I was never a fan of these groups tbh - possibly I was unlucky but even when I had my own dc, I didn't find them a source of support - more cliquey and competitive than anything else! But I took the little ones because it's nice for them to play with different toys and get a change of scenery. It certainly wasn't for my benefit!
Obviously groups can do as they please, and I get that they aren't there as free childcare for people to bring large groups of children to, instead of minding them. But in principle, it's wrong to deprive children of experiences, just because their parents are at work and a few snotty mums want to gatekeep the facilities for themselves.

But Then children who go to childminders are missing out on community activities and what about childminders with young children of their own they are parents too. .
i do get that some childminders operate quite like a nursery and will have a couple of assistants and extended ratios and have 10 children and 3 staff would impact on the setting. Bit there’s a lot of childminders who have 1-3 kids so no different to a parent situation

My childminder used to take the kids to a playgroup. I didn't mind at all - they enjoyed it. It was only 2 hours out of a 8 hour day.

I have taken my grandchildren to a toddler group. Are grandparents allowed or is it just for parents?

We actively avoid groups that get childminders as it ends up with loads of semi unhappy badly supervised toddlers and it's too hard and heartbreaking. The two we regularly attend both refuse to take childminders and are much nicer because of it.

I go to toddler groups, for my toddler.

I go to one of these fairly small toddler groups, £2 you get a snack and lots of toys, ride ons and crafts it’s great. Individually the childminders coming with a few kids is absolutely fine but what I’ve unfortunately found at this group is now all the local childminders come, sit together in a little clique, genuinely not one of the 4 girls have ever uttered a word to me. They do watch the children fairly closely and kids are nice but the ‘clique’ they’ve formed aren’t very welcoming. That’s my issue where as when it’s mums, dads, grandparents going individually or even with a friend they all chat away to me, introduce themselves.

I observed it does not make any difference. When I aupaired I went with the baby and when I parented my own, I went with the baby, not a single adult ever paid any attention to me, apart from the organiser asking intrusive questions to my birth and general state to which I all replied: all fine with us, to get rid of her and there we go. It was me entertaining the baby with songs and toys in the sea between other humans

My mum was a childminder in the 90's and cared for 2 children and often went to groups. These days childminders seem to have more children and have staff and can rock up with 3 adults and 9 kids between them and completely change the dynamic.

I go to a local group where a childminder brings 3 or 4 kids. It’s quite nice actually because it’s only a small village one and it’s noticeable when she’s not there! However, I always end up stuck with at least one of them because it’s hard for her to keep her eye on them all at once.

I don't know what your problem is.
I took my kids to loads of these groups and I can't see how it matters who takes them, parents, grandparents, childminders.
They are a good opportunity for children to play with some different toys etc and for 'grown ups' to have a cup of tea.

If I employed a childminder I would have no problem at all with them to taking my child to s group at all.

OP I really think you need to lighten up a put this one.

X

There often are actually. It was a problem at our parent and toddler group, we were having to turn a lot of people away. Banning childminders stopped us having to do that

What a terrible attitude

I think you sound ridiculous. They are for toddlers and the care giver to enjoy? Unless specifically stating support for parents. Maybe you could build a little barricade out of Lego or building bricks behind the sand pit and guard it for just your select Mummy’s ? Children with childminders should not be permitted to join in such activities and should be excluded. Maybe they should only get the digestive biscuits and the birth mothers should each have a chocolate biscuit. ?

That's a shame. Put on more days.
There's clearly a demand in your area.
X

I fully appreciate how exhausting and isolating this stage of life is. My kids are just aging out of these types of groups and I loved the social interaction from it. But I often found the best advice from Nannys/ childminders, and have formed a lasting friendship with a woman who’s been a professional nanny since graduating university. I promise just because the childminder may be older or younger than you, you may have plenty to relate to them on.

Of course you are being unreasonable, apart from the fact that some childminders are also parents of small children why shouldn't minded children have the advantage of going to a group and why shouldn't childminders be allowed to socialise with parents.
I'm a grandparent and i attended toddler group with my grandchildren should I have been banned too? I met and enjoyed talking to both parents and childminders there.