AIBU to think toddler groups are reasonably for parents, not childminders?

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I've seen a couple of posts on Facebook now from toddler groups or mum and baby groups requesting that childminders do not attend and that it's for parents and children.

These are those small church hall or community centre type groups, where there's toys, you get a biscuit and sing wheels on the bus, then go home for nap time, that sort of thing.

AIBU to think that actually, that's quite reasonable? They usually have limited space because they are in church halls, and are popular. They aren't just for babies and toddlers IMO they are a lifeline for parents, usually mums and provide support and a chance to make friends with other mums, connect, ask for advice, breastfeed in comfort, have a hot cup of tea they didn't need to make themselves, and get some adult conservation for a bit. Baby and toddlerhood can be such an isolating time.

I get that children love it and it's a shame for them to miss out just because their parents are at work, but surely it's there for the benefits of parents just as much of not more, and childminders shouldn't be clogging up the spaces?

I used to see a couple of child minders at groups I went to years ago. It never bothered me! My mum used to take my kids as well. It gives everyone a change of scene for a couple of hours. What a strange post. I’ve honestly never seen this on Mumsnet and my oldest children are all adults now.

I used to go to a lot of these groups. There would be 4 or 5 childminders with 15 or so children, they would only talk to each other. There was nothing wrong with the way they supervised the children but there were just so many of them, they dominated the group.

I was very lonely on maternity leave and went to these groups to connect with other mums, so I stopped going to the ones taken over by childminders.

Great, so not only did my child have to have a nanny because I had to work full-time, but now he has to lose out on going to certain activities because his amazing nanny, who wanted him to have opportunities to socialise isn’t allowed to go to certain groups? Ridiculous.

The groups are for children’s social development. Working parents want their children to go even if they can’t take them themselves. Besides, it’s a good way to meet childminders you rate when you’re on mat leave!

Ours is run by childminders, they are the only ones who stepped up when the previous lady moved on and no one else volunteered so it was going to close. One sits and read a story and supervise snack time and the other two set up the toys, lay out the mugs etc. They have fantastic motivation and ideas for crafts and messy play set ups. They lead the song time at the end whilst some parents tidy up. Fab job they do.

Also to add, they are a great support to the parents with advice for new mums, info on signposting help, recommending childcare providers/ schools/ swimming classes. Friendly and helpful.

I went to mother and baby/toddler groups that were dominated by childminders who were very cliquey. I stopped going to some because of it. The children with childminders didn't get supervised as much as the children with parents either.

Same here.

And they can do that. It's not like their are hordes of childminders going.

I went to one of these in a church hall that was first come for spaces. Every week there were 5/6 childminders who sat in a group chatting and ignoring their charges, which did not feel
like the point at all. Put me off childminders for sure.

Seriously??? That’s the whole point of hiring a chimdminder - your child gets the homely parental experience of going to toddler groups. Not just being cooped up in the house all day. Childminders have what, 4 kids at a time? Should parents of 4 not come?
Ours tend to have a booking system if too busy.

I think you’re very unreasonable. Childminders often care for another one or two dc alongside their own child, but even if they’re not it’s very mean spirited to exclude the children.

🤣

They are finding their own support system. By going to groups intended for parents and children

Such strange replies. Toddler groups should be for anyone caring for toddlers. It would never have occurred to me to not allow childminders. They are looking after children from very early in the morning till quite late in the evening. They could be really socially isolated and a toddler group could be an essential lifeline for them. Raising kids can be hard, don't make it harder for the childminders doing that job for very little thanks and low pay.

The childminders at ours really put me off using a childminders. They ignored the children in their care. Quite a contrast to the nursery workers at the nurseries we used.

I think it depends - some might be for mums to make friends with other mums, in which case it's fine for it to be no childminders/nannies.

Where I live those tend to be baby rhyme times at the library or baby swim/massage/sensory paid groups.

Most of the mums here are back at work by the time their babies are a year now and there are very few sahms around, so the (church hall) toddler groups I go to tend to be run by childminders and at least half the attendees are childminders - if they were banned the groups would cease to run.

They are for both parents and children, and if either benefit then they should be able to be there.

The one I went to was mainly parents, but there was a childminder there. There were also grandparents there too - if you are saying childminders should be able to go, what about family members who do childcare?

A lot of the children from the playgroup followed on to nursery and primary with other children they were at playgroup with. To me the children knowing some of the others they are starting nursery/school with makes the transition easier, than compared to a child that hasn't met any of the children before they start.

If the proportion of childminders is too high, then maybe things in that group may meed to change, but that would be a case by case scenario depending on the dynamics of the area.

Hmm I can see both sides. I actually made friends with someone who was a childminder who brought her own child along with the children she was minding along to a group I went to. Should she miss out because she was looking after other people's children as well as her own?

Also some groups I went to had low numbers. No group was ever free, it was either a total sum for entry to include a hot drink for the adult and snack and drink for the child, or a fee for entry and then extra for drinks and snacks.
If you didn't get the childminders then the hall hire would not be justified and the group would no longer exist (which I guess is the case locally as the groups I went to when mine were little no longer exist).

It was a long while ago for me but when we set up a group we asked that the parents or carers provided the painting/craft activity on a rota. We found nannys and childminders didn’t want to do this. They also didn’t want to come early to help put stuff out or stay late to put things away and yes they chatted away, ignoring their children.

My child minder took my ds to a regular group, she was also part of the core ream who ran the team and stayed behind to tidy up when the mums left. She'd probably been going for 10 + years. I went with my baby before he went to the childminder and took him to the same group when I had a day off that fell on that day.

The “parents and toddlers” is to indicate it’s not a drop off nursery session.
An adult is expected to accompany the children.
That’s all it means.

Well I was a childminder for 10 years and I had my own children with me for a lot of the time. Should I not have been allowed to attend playgroups because I also had other people's children with me too?

Toddler groups are for toddlers.

"a chance to make friends with other mums, connect, ask for advice, breastfeed in comfort, have a hot cup of tea they didn't need to make themselves, and get some adult conservation for a bit." All of this also applies to childminders, although they will quite likely be the ones giving advice when asked for it.

Luckily all the playgroups I went to were lovely and welcoming. I made some good friends there and often helped with the running of community groups.

I have to disagree. What about parents that work full time? You are then “punishing” toddlers that miss out on the experience. If it’s a case of the childminder brings two many children and there isn’t adequate adult supervision for those kids I understand but otherwise no.

They're for toddlers.
Anyway, childminders attend these groups year in year out - they're the ones keeping the groups going.

Why don’t you arrange your own “parents group” in your local area?

If a group is explictly saying its just for parents, there is lukely a reason for it.
Ive seen groups just for childminders as well.

FWIW a childminder at a group was a massive help to me after DD2 was born... she just swept up my toddler into her group for craft etcif I needed to change a nappy or feed the baby etc... or sometimes just had a baby snuggke so I could spend time with DD1.