AIBU to think toddler groups are reasonably for parents, not childminders?

[Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar]

I've seen a couple of posts on Facebook now from toddler groups or mum and baby groups requesting that childminders do not attend and that it's for parents and children.

These are those small church hall or community centre type groups, where there's toys, you get a biscuit and sing wheels on the bus, then go home for nap time, that sort of thing.

AIBU to think that actually, that's quite reasonable? They usually have limited space because they are in church halls, and are popular. They aren't just for babies and toddlers IMO they are a lifeline for parents, usually mums and provide support and a chance to make friends with other mums, connect, ask for advice, breastfeed in comfort, have a hot cup of tea they didn't need to make themselves, and get some adult conservation for a bit. Baby and toddlerhood can be such an isolating time.

I get that children love it and it's a shame for them to miss out just because their parents are at work, but surely it's there for the benefits of parents just as much of not more, and childminders shouldn't be clogging up the spaces?

As foster carers are usually paid or receive an allowance, the OP makes it clear later on that you would definitely be banned. It doesn’t matter that your foster children may benefit from interaction with other children. You would have to go elsewhere with other undesirables such as childminders and grandparents. 🙄

The SAHP could probably learn a lot from an experienced childminder

I am a childminder who does use a toddler group. Ours is not classed as a 'parent and toddler' but a stay and play. It used by parents, grandparents, nannies, foster carers and childminders. It should be open to all as every adult needs someone to talk to. It would be discrimation if it was said it was only open to parents. We are very mindful that we do not go every week so we don't take up all the space. The group provides opportunities for the children I look after to socialise with other children that they might not socialise with otherwise and they also get oppotunities to play with resources that we don't have in our settings.

You manage to read some of my posts and interpret then in a way that you want to, but haven't read where I said I see no reason grandparents should be excluded. Do you usually cherry pick to suit your narrative? Or do you ever like to review all the evidence and come to a rational, sane conclusion?

Yes, I’ve thought about all of the groups I’ve been to over the years with my 3 children and not one of them have been called a ‘parent and toddler’ group. Surely that would exclude babies, too? And 4 year olds who haven’t started school yet, etc?
I went to many, and I can remember them being called things like ‘stay and play’, or ‘St Edward’s church baby group’ etc. I went to one called ‘Babies who lunch’ (because lunch was provided), but parents and toddlers were welcome too, not just the babies 😂.
Childminders have been welcome to all.

What a bizarre thing to concern yourself with, imagine policing who attends a stay and play session at a local church hall! It primarily benefits the child so banning anyone seems a bit mean to me tbh. I cannot fathom why a mother would be any more in need or worthy of adult conversation than a childminder who also spends all day alone with a child/children? Is the issue because she is making money from it?

So it’s ok a grandparent attending with their three grandchildren but a childminder with three children in her care, can’t attend?

It was definitely a place for me to meet and make some mum friends, so I see what you're saying. Not sure how much baby benefited, although I'm sure they must have done. I didn't know anyone with babies when I had mine so it was a lifeline. I tended to find childminders arrived just when it started and left the minute it ended. The parents were more likely to hang around and chat.

I used to take my kids to a toddler group than was run by a group of 3 or 4 childminders. It was great, they had a lot more experience with toddlers than most of us parents and they'd set up a different craft activity each week alongside the toys (and tea/coffee and biscuits). When they decided to give it up, they had a hard time finding parents to take it over.

On the face of it I think you’re being a bit unreasonable. I can see the benefit for childminders bringing a few kids to a toddler group, of course I can, but in my personal experience, they do nothing but make the whole group worse 😂 it’s like they just let the kids go at the door and clock out, barely noticing what they’re doing and who they’re clobbering this time. Maybe the decent childminders have just slipped under the radar because why would you notice them if they were doing a good job I guess but yea… the few that come to the toddler group I have been attending with my children over the years have been awful. Put me off childminders, should I ever need childcare anyway 🙃

I agree with this. I used to run a toddler group with a friend in a village hall when our DDs were tiny and childminders were a pain in the arse. About 4 would arrive every week with about a dozen kids and they would sit in a group chatting letting the kids run riot. We always did a craft activity and I would basically be neglecting my child to supervise their mindees.

They never took a turn at doing drinks and snacks and buggered off at the end without helping to put everything away. We charged £1 for the first child, 50p for the second and free for additional ones to cover drinks, toast and fruit so it was an absolute bargain for childminders. In retrospect we should have said £1 for every child but it was a group that had been going for years with people handing over the baton every few years to newer parents so we never really changed much.

It sounds like other areas have wonderful childminders but what I saw put me off our local ones. I was glad to leave in the end and send my child to a paid playgroup.

I would have been so grateful if they shared their tips and wisdom with me as my own DM died before I had children.

I believe new parents might well benefit from interacting with experienced child minders. They might (the horror!) also become friends with a child minder or two, as well as other parents. Should the parents ever need babysitters or such, the child minders could be a helpful resource. What precious snobs some people are.

Huh?? Why would I need them to share their wisdom and tips? Was my own experience not good enough?

See “new parents” in the sense of inexperienced parents. I’m saying it is possible to learn from other parents, grandparents, child minders, teachers, medical professionals, etc. But of course, since you know everything already, crack
on,

Where did I say anything about new parents?

Did you actually read the post you quoted me from?

My boys too, the childminder was really hard to get a place with and they were amazing. Walks, parks, planting potato plants, toddler group. Took them to and picked up from the local school feeding pre-school on the days I worked. I still treasure the great fortune of having a setting that I actually loved them being part of

I'm so glad your children had a positive experience too. 🙂 We'd had a really bad experience with a previous childminder and then a genuinely quite traumatic one with a nursery. But this childminder was like an aunty to her and truly went out of her way to fill the days with so many wonderful, educational activities. My daughter's's still best friends with the other kids she met there. I'm a teacher of older kids and I truly take my hat off to people working with infants. I cannot understand why someone would get bent out of shape about childminders making use of some of these community spaces too. It is not the only thing they do and they too deserve adult company alongside that of toddlers!

I’m the one who said new parents could learn from other people and you asked me why your own experience was not sufficient.

Are childminders incapable of adult conversation then?

You quoted me when I said id feel out of place with all the older women when my first grandchild was born . So it seemed as though you was suggesting I had no experience of children

Some toddler groups struggle for members so childminders can be a valuable addition

I was just wondering why you’d have felt out of place amongst other grandparents when you were also a grandparent?

Toddler groups are for toddlers!
Most childminders are mums too. And are they not allowed to mix with, offer advice to, have a cup of tea with other mums just because of their job?

Because they would be much older.