AIBU to think toddler groups are reasonably for parents, not childminders?

[Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar]

I've seen a couple of posts on Facebook now from toddler groups or mum and baby groups requesting that childminders do not attend and that it's for parents and children.

These are those small church hall or community centre type groups, where there's toys, you get a biscuit and sing wheels on the bus, then go home for nap time, that sort of thing.

AIBU to think that actually, that's quite reasonable? They usually have limited space because they are in church halls, and are popular. They aren't just for babies and toddlers IMO they are a lifeline for parents, usually mums and provide support and a chance to make friends with other mums, connect, ask for advice, breastfeed in comfort, have a hot cup of tea they didn't need to make themselves, and get some adult conservation for a bit. Baby and toddlerhood can be such an isolating time.

I get that children love it and it's a shame for them to miss out just because their parents are at work, but surely it's there for the benefits of parents just as much of not more, and childminders shouldn't be clogging up the spaces?

Foster carers, grandparents, nannies, childminders - there's loads of people that will want to take kids to toddler groups who aren't parents. YABVU to try and deprive toddlers of play because you want only mums and babies allowed

But what about kids of parents who work full time? Or if the groups happen on days when they are working? Then young toddlers are missing out.

And most childminders are parents anyway? What happens if they are coming with their own child and a mindee. Are they not allowed then? And surely if you're a struggling parent, then actually chatting to a childminder, someone who is a parent AND has childcare experience is going to be of benefit to you.

And as the groups are aimed at toddlers, it seems daft that childminders with toddlers are excluded too.

Surely if your child goes to a childminder then it is already having the experience of mixing with other children.

Not necessarily. When dc1 went to his CM, there was only him there during the day. The "big boys" (as dc referred to them) were at school. So I am very glad my CM took him to toddler groups (amongst other things as they went out and about every day).

People are talking nonsense about CMs rocking up with 4 or 5 children. A CM is only allowed to look after 3 children U5 at any one time - and most don't.

The CM we used for our youngest, actually ran the toddler group, so obviously my dd was there twice a week. Where do you stand with that OP ? CMs running groups for the benefit of the Community ?

and yet many of us can tell you our own stories of the wonderful CMs we see, bringing dc to Toddler groups.

I'm not a CM btw, just a Volunteer at our Church Toddler Group - that welcomes everyone. There are 2 CMs who attend regularly, but I had no idea they were CMs from their actions, only when I got chatting. We get Mums, Dads, one Grandad, a few Grandmas, and 2 childminders.

Im hoping to become a childminder one day and that is ridiculous. These groups are for children so why on earth are some children being excluded. It shouldn’t matter who takes them

I used to run a toddler group, there were 3 or 4 regular child minders who attended and sat together.. parents dipped in and out and didn’t attend every week.
We did hire a large hall though and there was plenty of room.

And neither do a lot of parents 😂😂 but I suppose it's easier to blame others hey?

I was coming here to say the same thing. My daughter went to a wonderful childminder for 3 years. The playgroup was just one of the many activities they did alongside playing at home, going to the playground, soft play, etc. Once a week she would take the children to the church playgroup and I don't see what's wrong with that, I'm sorry. Fwiw my daughter is in year 1 now and still talks about the wonderful years she spent with childminder. It can be a very tiring job and this particular one did it with so much love. As others have said, they might want a little adult conversation too sometimes during their day. Imagine it was really helpful on those days it was freezing cold and raining outside too!

@Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar Yes. It’s clear your dc didn’t attend playgroups when you worked full time and you weren’t bothered about that. Well done you. You did a mix of nursery and childminder though, so the nursery provided other dc to play with. Childminders don’t, So what worked for you isn’t the same for other dc who are with a child minder full
time or the playgroup is on a child minder day. Also you are anti child minder dc because your dc didn’t need play when they were with one. It’s the typical position of someone who didn’t need a playgroup for dc. You come across as discriminatory and anti dc who are with childminders.

I am surprised that the toddler groups near you are oversubscribed. The ones near me were mostly volunteer led, and struggling.

I do agree they are mostly for adult support, so I guess it does make sense if there are not enough spaces to go around. And maybe they have had specifically bad experiences with one childminder.

It is a shame to restrict to parents though, as in my experience the absolute heroes of these groups are the grannies!

Interesting thread. I used to run a baby/toddler group. Worst offenders ever were another toddler group who used our resource and totally ignored our members while their hall was being refurbished. Also a very entitled Grandmother ugh. Went toe to toe with her. I can understand if childminders are ignoring others, it can be hurtful when you are feeling vulnerable. Could more retired volunteers be a solution? Also a big shout out to people who DO volunteer for children’s groups and thumbs down to the ‘I don’t have time but expect my child to attend’ brigade. News flash- are all busy.

@permanently Who are the “I don’t have time, but I expect my child to attend” brigade? Do you mean working mothers who NEED the money? How divisive! Why are they not busy being a mum and working?

Foster carers as well.

Yes, most of ours never reopened after Covid because they just couldn’t get the numbers.

I’ve been a childminder, parent and parent of children at a childminders. Groups are for the children and it’s in the best interest of children to start building those relationships with the peers they’ll be with at preschool and beyond. Missing out on toddler groups is a big part of development. Why should any child be excluded and miss out?

Also in our area it was the childminders often contributing the most in being on committees and even running some of the singing groups at libraries.

Not sure how any of these groups can ban children being cared for, it is surely discrimination.

Toddler groups are mostly aimed at the children- with their carers a second.When I was a childminder I took the children I was caring for to several so they could start to mix with the children they would go to pre school with, start to learn to share toys within a bigger setting, interact with a variety of children and also have access to different toys and environments. It benefitted them hugely and also their parents who would find it helped them to interact with the local community even though they were at work. Some of the parents of children I was minding built social relationships on the back of children they met at toddlers. Why shouldn’t parents out at work paying taxes and council taxes benefit? We used to have dads, grandparents, childminders….all were welcome.

@permanently Who are the “I don’t have time, but I expect my child to attend” brigade? Do you mean working mothers who NEED the money? How divisive! Why are they not busy being a mum and working?

I mean while I was working full time, with children, needing the money and being told by other mums - and occasionally scoffed at - that they didn’t have the time to volunteer. At the same time criticising the volunteers who took their children weekly/sometimes away for weekends for no monetary gain. Can’t you see the irony?

It is a shame to restrict to parents though, as in my experience the absolute heroes of these groups are the grannies!

There's a group near me called 'Nippers and Nanas' which advertises itself as a group for Grandparents caring for their dgc specifically

Personally, I like the idea of completely mixed groups, so those of us that were floundering a bit as newer Mums, can learn a bit by chatting to the more experienced folk - be they Grandparents, childminders, or just more experienced parents.

@permanently Every family has different dynamics and time available though. I just think everyone should be welcome and no one should complain about volunteers but playgroup organisers don’t take dc away for weekends so you have leaped forward a bit there! I would have quite liked that notion though!

Lol. I would've probably felt out of place with all these older women when my first dgc was born

'Limited space'.
You've never been in a church hall have you?

Quite a lot of Grandparents come to the one at our local church hall.

What strange assumptions.

Why would you think childminders do not have other children for their charges to mix with? I've never met or known of a childminder who only has one child to look after. Sounds more like a nannying situation.

And then to say I am "anti children who have a childminder" come on, that's just odd. Especially as my child had one. Don't be silly.

Btw, when negotiating which days I was going to work part time, I purposefully chose my days off for when there were things we liked to do, such as parent and toddler groups. I do of course appreciate not everyone has that luxury.

@Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar Many might have a baby! Or collect an older dc from school. They don’t have a wide range of dc in their homes. How odd that you think they do.

Just agree with the poster and draw a line under it. This post will not solve anything.