DH away and not answering phone

[Wanttohelpbuthow]

DH has been away for work on and off for the last few weeks, really long hours + jet lag.

He came home for one night on Tuesday night (we live near a major airport) which was essentially a layover almost at our house before driving the next morning 5 hours, again for work where he is the for the next 10 days.

He was obviously incredibly tired and was being unreasonable and out of character yesterday morning before he left which resulted in an argument. He then left without saying goodbye and I haven’t heard from him since, he’s never ignored me before but he went the entire day ignoring any calls or messages. I left it from mid afternoon but now still haven’t heard from him, the only reason I know he’s got there safely is because I have him on find friends.

I can also see he is still at the hotel … it’s 1pm and he should be working today as far as I know. I’m now getting really worried. Is there anything I can do apart from wait? Am I being overly anxious?

Also I should add, he’s so exhausted that yesterday I had to wake him up mid morning (he had to be at work by a certain time) and we had a full conversation that made absolutely no sense from his side - he was completely delirious and then didn’t remember the conversation

Call the hotel and ask them to check on him and make sure he is ok? Sounds concerning, especially the delirious part and the extreme tiredness.

I agree re calling the hotel.

phone the hotel ask to be put through to his room phone ?
phone his workplace and ask to speak to him ?

I have no idea what room he’s in - can I give his name/would they know? His work booked it .. I also have no contact from his work, it’s not a company that I could look up (trying to not to be too outing here)

Yes. "My husband X is booked into your hotel. I can't reach him and I'm worried that's he's taken ill. Please could someone go check on him and ask him to call me".

And what do you mean you can't look up a company?

Okay thank you I’ll try that - I mean I can’t google the company name and find a general number I could call and get hold of him that way

Why not? Is it on LinkedIn as a business, a Google business page, a Facebook page - any online presence at all? Payslips you have for his employer?

Maybe the DH is a spy? Or he's a 'personal assistant' for the local crime lord.

The former would be manageable via the civil service employer..

The second, yes, slightly more problematic.

Could he have gone to work and forgot his phone if he was exhausted? I would phone the hotel and ask someone to check on him though.

Sometimes when work is intense, you just focus on that. With him being so overwhelmed, he may be channelling all of his energy into getting the job done. Or he could simply be resting at the hotel. I’m sure he’ll be in touch.

On a side-note, would most people have a tracking app (or whatever) on their DH?

Is it military? Only asking because the working pattern sounds familiar. If so, maybe he couldn’t take his phone to work with him? There are certain jobs/sites where no personal mobiles are allowed even switched off.

Stop tracking him. I would add if anything has happened news would have got to you by now. Hopefully he’s been in touch though.

There’s often no way to contact a person like this, especially if it’s a large company. If my DH tried to call the published number for my workplace he wouldn’t be put through to anyone/no-one would contact me about it. None of us even take phone calls anymore.

Yes @LegoLivingRoom - I work in a massive CS agency of around 60,000 staff. But a call to a central number would quickly trigger people to start making internal calls to try to locate a member of staff in the event of a concern for their welfare. It wouldn't be that hard tbh.

It sounds like he left his phone in his hotel room.

I hope he gets in touch soon

I'd be worried too, OP. I suppose he could have just left his phone in his room, but I'd be very concerned about him being delirious. Others have made good suggestions about asking the hotel to check his room - I would definitely do that.

Absolutely do NOT call the hotel! Of course he's fine, why wouldn't he be? He may be very busy (because he is working, after all), jetlagged or even a tiny bit grumpy, because you had an argument.
But he's a competent adult who certainly doesn't need to have his wife checking up on him. Leave him be, and he'll get in touch in his own good time.

I would assume he was sleeping or opted to work from the hotel because he’s had a busy few days of travel with little rest. He’s obviously safe at the hotel and not dead in a ditch somewhere. If I was already pissed off at Dh for starting an argument, I’d be even more pissed off if I was trying to have a post-travel nap and he sent the cleaning staff at the hotel to bang on the door and wake me up. 🙄

He acted out of character, and it’s not normal for him not to contact OP.

I know couples who are perfectly fine not speaking to each other for a few days, but if my husband didn’t contact me after landing, I would be very worried. Even if he had left his phone at the hotel, he would find a way to email me from someone else’s phone, and I would do the same.

Op, I would definitely ask the hotel to check on him.

What kind of time would he usually finish today? Hopefully he’s just left his phone in the hotel.

Did he drive there? I would be angry at him for not being fit to drive but obviously you know that he got there ok.

Did you read OPs concerns? The man's behaviour was erratic and very out of character before he left. He's clearly exhausted and travelling a lot. My concern would be that he's fighting a virus or infection and is now unwell in another country alone.

A small call to a hotel asking for a welfare check isn't intrusive, it is sensible.

Isn't the key to this the argument before he left?
Might he be sulking rather than unwell?