Pregnant, moving in together but I cannot stand his dogs

[fluffypillowspls]

I’m three months pregnant and currently do not live with my partner. Since becoming pregnant, I really cannot stand the smell of his dogs. I also really hate the fur everywhere.

One of these dogs is quite elderly and realistically won’t be around in spring next year when I am due. I think this is a really smelly one as he doesn’t take it to be groomed as they are so old.

His house at the moment really smells of dog and I decided as of last night that I’m not going to his house anymore. He can’t stay at mine because he has to go back to his to look after the dogs.

He has given notice on his flat and will be moving back to his mum’s for a few months to help her as she’s old with Health Issues. The plan for December January times was for him to rent a place for both of us. I really do want to live with him, and I know at that point of my pregnancy. I will really need him around and want him around. However, I cannot stand the thought of his stinky dogs being in the house and the fur everywhere.

The thought of having a child and having fur all over their baby clothes really stresses me out. When I go over to his house now I literally have to hold my nose and he does try his best to clean mop etc but on some occasions it is really strong smelling. He is his nose blind to this and doesn’t realise and I’m sure he thinks I’m exaggerating.

I am bothered by this so much that I actually wish I could turn back the clock and not get pregnant because he does come with the dogs as a package. Obviously, I can’t do that and I’m not going to terminate, especially at this point, but I just feel so stressed out and down about this.

I’m considering maybe we just don’t live together once we have the child so I don’t have to be around the dogs but when I broach this with him, he was offended and did not agree at all with the idea.

I can’t tell him not to keep his dogs and I wouldn’t say that because one he would resent me and two he had them first, but I just cannot see a world where I am happy with having these two dogs or even just one of them around.

He has said that when we get this place together, he can section off areas for the dog/s to be, But I still think the house is going to stink and the fur will still get everywhere. I want my baby to be able to crawl around and not have fur all over them.

I don’t even know what I want from this post, but has anyone been in this situation and has it got better? Or am I just doomed? Has anyone decided to live apart from their partner.

Put off moving in together.

First post nails it.

Oh dear. Well you can’t live with the dogs so don’t.

Can you afford to live separately?

Don't move in.

If you hate dogs so much why did you get with and get pregnant by a man with dogs?

Did you notice the smell in the same way before you were pregnant? I had heightened sense of smell in first months of pregnancy

How will you manage separation of dogs from baby?

If you feel this strongly about dogs, why choose to have a baby with someone who has dogs?

YANBU to dislike dogs, but YABU to choose this path if you dislike dogs so much, when your partner has dogs

That posts nails it. Too late now, but this was entirely foreseeable. If dogs are a problem for you, then you should never have started the relationship with a dog lover in the first place.

You can't expect him to give his dogs up.
He can't expect you to live in a situation where you'll be so unhappy.
So you live separately.

It does beg the (already asked) question, why have a baby (or indeed enter a relationship at all)with someone with such vastly unacceptable standards/choices to you?

Yes, I don't understand that either.

Can't he just get the dogs cleaned?

Obv you can't move in together right now cos he's moving back to his Mom's.

I wonder what the general state of the house is? Yes a clean house will smell of dog, but if he's not cleaning properly, letting the dogs foul indoors etc it'll be much worse and points to a bigger problem.

You don't need to live together OP. Yes it'll be easier when the baby comes but the stress that comes with it might not be worth it.

It doesn't sound as if hes cleaning properly tbh. Yes houses smell faintly of the animals living there when properly cleaned but not that bad. It has to be kept on top of, not just when you're visiting.

It's likely that pregnancy has heightened your sense of smell, which makes the smell a bigger issue for you at the moment.

Can I ask how did you feel about the smell before you got pregnant?

If it wasn't a huge issue before, it'll go back to being a smaller issue after the birth, so that's something to consider.

It'd obviously be a lot less smelly when the old dog is no longer there too, so again, something to consider.

His idea of segregating dog free areas is a good one, and one which lots of dog owners do when they have new babies to consider, so that's perfectly do-able too.

If you still feel you'll feel unable to tolerate the smell, then you have a real problem, because dogs are part of the family for him, and being asked to get rid of them is simply unthinkable for most dog owners.

How would you feel to be asked to get rid of your Granny because your partner was going to have a new baby? You'd think he was insane to even suggest it, wouldn't you?

That's likely how he feels about his beloved dogs, so it'll be a huge issue for him.

Maybe you're simply not as compatible as you think?

Ok I can relate to this somewhat. I was a real dog person myself until I got pregnant and had a dog of my own and DH was/is even more so. However I literally couldn’t stand the smell either when I was pregnant and he had a small dog that was particularly bad and I also didn’t trust it around a baby so after a lot of anguish he agreed the rest stayed out completely and the little one was gated off to one small area that baby wouldn’t need to be near. Since the little one passed away I refused to get any more small ones and we are fine with the big ones outside (obviously we have outhouses and runs for them they aren’t abandoned out there). I still love them dearly now the DC are older but not indoors or on furniture.

He has given notice on his flat and will be moving back to his mum’s for a few months to help her as she’s old with Health Issues. The plan for December January times was for him to rent a place for both of us.

What guarantee is there that his mother's health issues will be all sorted in time for Dec or Jan?
I suspect that is not the whole truth of the matter: he is moving back in with her either to save money, or because she will be doing his laundry and cleaning and cooking, or both.

Do NOT move in with him until he has successfully moved back out of his mother's place into his own flat again, and has kept it clean, and religiously kept the surviving dog in its own area. Go and visit, and stay overnight occasionally, but keep your own place. Wait for at least six or twelve months until he has proved that he can keep a clean home by himself for the long term.

Otherwise if you move in together too soon you will be the one doing all the cleaning and housework.

How long have you been together and how old are both dogs? It sounds like it isn’t just the smell that’s an issue for you, it sounds like you very much dislike them but have put up with them for your partners sake.

I’m making a massive assumption here and guessing this wasn’t a planned pregnancy. If it was planned, what were you thinking?! If it wasn’t, obviously these things happen, you need to work around the situation you have.

Is he happy not to get new dogs after these two are no longer with him? If so, maybe try to live nearby but agree to move in together once there are no dogs to consider - or revisit it when your baby is 3+.

If the second dog is very young, would his mother be prepared to take it on after the older one passes so that he can still see the dog daily (and then his mum too) and would give her some companionship.

If, however, he is someone that always wants dogs as part of his family, you may be incompatible. If that is the case, it may be better to separate now and co-parent rather than carry on and hope one of you will change.

Good luck with it all.

live apart at minimum
but I’d seriously be considering ending the relationship and pregnancy, I wouldn’t want to be tied to him for life
you aren’t compatible and will you be able to co parent? Your child will be exposed to how he wants to live and you won’t be able to do anything about it

How old is the younger dog? I would suggest living separately while he still has both dogs.

This. If you have standards and he doesn’t, it’s you that will be maintaining those standards. You will resent him and that’s a bad strain on a relationship.

He, however, will be happy. He will come home to a wife, a kid, a dog, a clean house, food on the table - what’s not to look forward to?

I wondered the same. Has pregnancy caused your senses to be more sensitive? What were you like before you were pregnant?

It’s also a big ask to move in together with a new baby, having never lived together. New babies bring stresses and strains of their own, on top of usual moving-in teething troubles. Throw a poorly mum in the mix and dogs, then you could be brewing a disaster.

I'm guessing you didn't feel this way before pregnancy?
I couldn't drink tap water when I was pregnant, I was convinced I could taste dirt in it and it absolutely disgusted me. I couldn't drink tea or eat toast either, the smell of them set of my sickness. It all disappeared soon after giving birth, I loved tea and toast again and went back to tap water with no issues.
There's no need to move in together just yet but I wouldn't think that you never can. These feeling may pass soon after the baby comes.

You don't have to live together, but whenever the baby is at his they will be crawling around in the fur.

I think the best solution would be finding somewhere which has an area the dogs will be allowed in e.g. kitchen/conservatory combined with him agreeing to take the dogs to the groomers regularly. Alternatively if they like water he could take them to the seaside for a good swim to get clean, combined with brushing them regularly (in the garden so the fur doesn't go all over the house!)

You definitely cannot live together with the dogs currently.

In a shared house it could be a possibility providing they had a completely separate area and were not allowed into the main sitting/dining/kitchen or anywhere upstairs.

Any smells could be contained pretty well however dogs shut in one room and a section of the garden all day isn’t exactly ideal either because they will end up either neglected by him or he will just spend all his time in the dog room.

He needs to be taking them to the groomers regularly if they stink and get their anal glands cleaned and check their ears.