Pregnant, moving in together but I cannot stand his dogs

[fluffypillowspls]

I’m three months pregnant and currently do not live with my partner. Since becoming pregnant, I really cannot stand the smell of his dogs. I also really hate the fur everywhere.

One of these dogs is quite elderly and realistically won’t be around in spring next year when I am due. I think this is a really smelly one as he doesn’t take it to be groomed as they are so old.

His house at the moment really smells of dog and I decided as of last night that I’m not going to his house anymore. He can’t stay at mine because he has to go back to his to look after the dogs.

He has given notice on his flat and will be moving back to his mum’s for a few months to help her as she’s old with Health Issues. The plan for December January times was for him to rent a place for both of us. I really do want to live with him, and I know at that point of my pregnancy. I will really need him around and want him around. However, I cannot stand the thought of his stinky dogs being in the house and the fur everywhere.

The thought of having a child and having fur all over their baby clothes really stresses me out. When I go over to his house now I literally have to hold my nose and he does try his best to clean mop etc but on some occasions it is really strong smelling. He is his nose blind to this and doesn’t realise and I’m sure he thinks I’m exaggerating.

I am bothered by this so much that I actually wish I could turn back the clock and not get pregnant because he does come with the dogs as a package. Obviously, I can’t do that and I’m not going to terminate, especially at this point, but I just feel so stressed out and down about this.

I’m considering maybe we just don’t live together once we have the child so I don’t have to be around the dogs but when I broach this with him, he was offended and did not agree at all with the idea.

I can’t tell him not to keep his dogs and I wouldn’t say that because one he would resent me and two he had them first, but I just cannot see a world where I am happy with having these two dogs or even just one of them around.

He has said that when we get this place together, he can section off areas for the dog/s to be, But I still think the house is going to stink and the fur will still get everywhere. I want my baby to be able to crawl around and not have fur all over them.

I don’t even know what I want from this post, but has anyone been in this situation and has it got better? Or am I just doomed? Has anyone decided to live apart from their partner.

It won't make any difference. They will still stink. As will the house.

Disagree. Clean healthy dogs don't smell

Okay I stand corrected.
She CAN expect. But I expect that he won't do it. If I got into a relationship with someone, who then expected me to change an important part of my lifestyle before they moved in, they'd not be moving in with me. It's unreasonable and unrealistic.

Do not move in with him
I was similar and it nearly tipped me over the edge mentally after I had baby
If it bothers you now ,it with bother you way more when it's contaminating your baby

Before the pregnancy, we used to go out a lot and he used to mainly come to mine as he had a housemate so on the occasions where I was at his it wasn’t so much of an issue.

The baby wasn’t planned no, but obviously we are now in this situation and believe me I am so worried about this dog situation that I have considered termination but I know if I do terminate it will be the end of the relationship and I’ve also just had my 12 week scan, so to end a pregnancy at this point, simply because of dogs just doesn’t make sense. I am looking forward to having the child. I am just absolutely dreading the thought of a stinky doghouse and fur everywhere and a dog near my baby.

Both his dogs are huskies so they shed a lot. The smell makes me feel sick. When I’m at his house, I have to go into the bedroom which is dogfree so it doesn’t really have a smell.

The dogs are trained, but the elderly one does have more of a smell.

He is moving to his mom’s genuinely because his mum is not well and he did ask me first if I’m okay with that. I said yes because then he could come to mine a couple nights a week and he would have care for the dogs. He hasn’t moved because he wants a cleaner and a chef. To be fair to him, his house is clean, he mops regularly, he’s got a Dyson which he is constantly using. He has made an extra effort for me to keep on top of the smell, (other than getting the elderly dog groomed ) but sometimes it helps sometimes it doesn’t.

I envisioned us raising the child as a family, but I just can’t have these dogs around the child and live in a smelly home. I hate when I’m eating my dinner the dog wants to come around - He’ll tell it to go and It will listen, but I just hate it. I hate the dog, sniffing me and coming around me. I hate the whining and barking that the elderly dog makes.

This fully is my fault. I should not have allowed myself to get pregnant by a man who is a dog lover. If I could go back, I would 100% be more careful. I am at the point now where I can abort but again it just feels so extreme to abort over dogs, when other than that, we are happy we love each other and we are excited about the baby.

I don’t want to live alone as a single mother and financially, I don’t know how I will cope. He is a high owner, so I would expect him to make sure I’m okay In that sense - but if we split up, he will not want to go out of his way to make sure I’m okay, as most men become evil when they are no longer in love!

This is such a mess.

I 100% agree. We had three dogs until fairly recently, they all died of various health conditions linked to old age over the past 16 months and they did not stink - even at 15. And that's not just us making it up (and I'm sure you do get used to the smells in your home), we've regularly had people commenting that except for the dozens dog toys and beds, you wouldn't have been able to tell we had dogs. They were groomed regularly, had baths and teeth brushed. Their bedding was washed regularly (i.e. once a week minimum) on a high setting.

OP may be struggling with pet aversion during pregnancy, which is not uncommon but that's not the dogs' fault - or her partner's.

If she's always disliked them/their smell and that's a rather different situation and unlikely to work out in the long run.

This really isn't fair OP. Huskies are difficult to rehome, they're high energy, highly strung and require experienced owners. I appreciate they shed a lot (I have a husky cross who sheds constantly) but it is unfair to ask him to get rid of them, unfair on you to live in an unhappy home, and with almost 8000 healthy dogs put down per year, unfair on the dogs to be put through the trauma of rehoming (or worse) if he does. He would also likely resent you for it if he relented and did it (assuming he is a good, committed dog owner).

By the sounds of it, you will have to co-parent from different homes. I assume you mean high earner? This could be doable if finances aren't an issue.

On the plus side, I have owned huskies before, and my ex had one who was often at my house. I obviously wouldn't recommend leaving any dog alone with a baby nor not being diligent around babies and dogs but, the huskies have all been excellent with babies and children overall. I mean by which, if he has the baby alone with the dogs, there are breeds I would worry much more over risk wise.

You will have to live separately then. What a mess!

I envisioned us raising the child as a family, but I just can’t have these dogs around the child and live in a smelly home.

I'm sorry I'm about to be mean but this is sounding a bit deranged. Dogs and children are a great combination!

https://www.thekids.org.au/our-research/impact/2021/research-translation/dogs-and-kids/

https://www.bbc.co.uk/future/article/20220609-do-pets-help-childrens-development

https://www.bbc.co.uk/future/article/20250602-how-your-pets-alter-your-immune-system

Now not everyone likes dogs of course and the lifestyle that goes with them, especially the commitment and the walking, rightly puts a lot of people off. Fair enough. Not everyone has that emotional bonding response to dogs, which is fine, although most people can still develop a relationship with dogs they know I believe.

However your response to them seems a bit outside all that and just not being that into them. It feels like there's more going on here. Do you generally have issues with germs? Do you have issues with other animals? Do you have control issues? Is it noise? Would you consider therapy for looking into this? Might be beneficial before having a baby as well, because they are also chaotic and smelly, and usually much more difficult to manage than dogs in the first 3 years at least until the reach a parity of intelligence!

Do you generally dislike dogs? Or is it this particular breed of dog? Huskies are big balls of long fluff, so I can understand your concern about the fur. It's bound to get everywhere. My parents viewed a house, when they were looking to move, the owners had two golden retrievers, and the house smelt of dog as soon as you entered the property. I think people who smell 'dog' all the time, just become immune to the smell.

You knew your boyfriend had dogs and therefore loves dogs. If dogs in general aren't something you are comfortable with, why on earth did you start dating him? How old are the dogs? You mention one being elderly, and not likely to be around once the baby is born. What about the other?

You clearly can't live with your boyfriend whilst he has the dogs. Your boyfriend either has the dogs rehomed (which he's unlikely to agree to) or you live separately until both dogs pass away. If the second dog is younger, then it could be quite a few years before you can live together.

Don't move in together. However you feel now, you will feel much more intensely when your baby arrives.

Dogs are filthy creatures, no matter how much mopping, and you will not want them anywhere near your newborn. Hold out until both his dogs die, and then ask him to move in with you, but with no dogs.

Once the older one dies you can move in together in a much bigger place (if he is a high earner as you say) and the remaining dog probably won’t bother you as much. I wouldn’t move in with him in the current circumstances; that’s a recipe for a breakup. I think because of the baby you should try your best to make it work. Which means living apart for now.

Reading your update, Sounds like a classic case of fuck around and find out.

Poor kid.

It is a mess indeed, and I dont know what to suggest. If he is living apart from you sleeping soundly through the night, dropping in to care for the baby... you are going to end up resenting him big time.

If ypu move in with the dogs, you will be unhappy.

What a mess. What conctraception were you using that failed?

Big long haired dogs stink if their coats get wet and I think they need to regular dog groomers. Also if the smell is really overpowering it may warrant a trip to the vets

All dogs smell awful. I would never have a relationship with a dog owner and wouldn’t trust a dog around my baby/children.

But. Forget about the dogs for a minute and think, do I want to have the baby? If you did decide to terminate you don’t need anybody’s permission. It’s totally your choice.

If he actually brushes his dogs, had them groomed regularly and wasn’t slovenly about cleaning up after them it would be more manageable perhaps?

Irks me people having these gorgeous dogs and not bothering with the maintenance steps they need.

I'm less likely to trust a man, given 63 deaths per year are caused by them (and only 3 per year caused by dogs).

I wouldn't live with dogs.

I wouldn't expect anyone who has dogs to give them up to live with me.

Don't get a place together.

Lots of issues here. I wouldn't live with, or have a child with a man unless you're on the same page about pets. How many/what kind/who is doing what? And I wouldn't be with someone who doesn't groom their dog (I get some need more than others, but even if it's old, the poor thing should be looked after and not smell). On the one hand, if he's looking after his mum, that suggests a decent man that might be a good dad, but not looking his dog would bother me.

I'm a big dog lover, had dogs growing up, am comfortable around most dogs, DH the same. We don't have a dog now due to youngest DD being severely disabled. However most of our families and friends have dogs.

They're all wonderful and we love visiting, however dog hair is an issue and it does go absolutely everywhere even in rooms off limits to the dogs. Houses with dogs do have different smells, ones from not cleaning the dog, the dog may have an infection, not properly cleaning the furniture and floors. Then you just have the dog smell the normal smell off a dog which can get overpowering if caught in rain.

If you're going to live with dogs there really isn't any escaping from this plus you need to think of safety, it's extremely easy when comfortable around dogs to forget safety.

I think if you really like him I wouldn't give up on the relationship, I'd really try to find a solution to work round this.

He wants a cleaner and a chef? What do you mean?

His poor mum if he's taking his dogs with him. What's her place like? It's hard to think he'd live in such a smelly place if he wasn't used to that at home.

Oh dear OP. Huskies are big dogs that are notorious for shedding. Certainly your partner could minimise the smell by regular grooming and deshedding, but I think with a husky you are always going to have a large degree of fur in the house. I think they blow their coats twice a year and should have daily brushing.

I think you are both going to have to compromise if you are serious about living together..he has to get a grooming schedule going. The dogs may shed, but they shouldn't smell. It sounds though he needs a professional dog groomer to start the dogs off and then he needs to maintain their coats. Otherwise, it probably won't work and you'll still have to deal with your child visiting Dad in a doggy house.

No reason for dogs to smell. Grew up with them - they had baths, esp when I took the dog to the pond for a swim, ha. (To this day I hate saying hello to a dog on the street and my hand left stinking and greasy). Mum hoovered every single day. Dog not allowed on furniture, dog bed washed regularly and our own bedding washed every week too.

It takes effort to keep a dog house from being covered in hair and smelly. If your fella couldn't do it, he perhaps should've got a cleaner!

But, yes, neither of you will have the time when a newborn is around. Just don't live together - yet.

Seems to me like you have got two choices. 1 is termination and 2 is go no contact with the child's father (can you even do that?). Either way this is never going to be a successful relationship.