Pregnant, moving in together but I cannot stand his dogs

[fluffypillowspls]

I’m three months pregnant and currently do not live with my partner. Since becoming pregnant, I really cannot stand the smell of his dogs. I also really hate the fur everywhere.

One of these dogs is quite elderly and realistically won’t be around in spring next year when I am due. I think this is a really smelly one as he doesn’t take it to be groomed as they are so old.

His house at the moment really smells of dog and I decided as of last night that I’m not going to his house anymore. He can’t stay at mine because he has to go back to his to look after the dogs.

He has given notice on his flat and will be moving back to his mum’s for a few months to help her as she’s old with Health Issues. The plan for December January times was for him to rent a place for both of us. I really do want to live with him, and I know at that point of my pregnancy. I will really need him around and want him around. However, I cannot stand the thought of his stinky dogs being in the house and the fur everywhere.

The thought of having a child and having fur all over their baby clothes really stresses me out. When I go over to his house now I literally have to hold my nose and he does try his best to clean mop etc but on some occasions it is really strong smelling. He is his nose blind to this and doesn’t realise and I’m sure he thinks I’m exaggerating.

I am bothered by this so much that I actually wish I could turn back the clock and not get pregnant because he does come with the dogs as a package. Obviously, I can’t do that and I’m not going to terminate, especially at this point, but I just feel so stressed out and down about this.

I’m considering maybe we just don’t live together once we have the child so I don’t have to be around the dogs but when I broach this with him, he was offended and did not agree at all with the idea.

I can’t tell him not to keep his dogs and I wouldn’t say that because one he would resent me and two he had them first, but I just cannot see a world where I am happy with having these two dogs or even just one of them around.

He has said that when we get this place together, he can section off areas for the dog/s to be, But I still think the house is going to stink and the fur will still get everywhere. I want my baby to be able to crawl around and not have fur all over them.

I don’t even know what I want from this post, but has anyone been in this situation and has it got better? Or am I just doomed? Has anyone decided to live apart from their partner.

The obvious option is to live separately.

but the child would spend time with it's father at it's father's home.

A difficult situation, but what’s done is done, so think practically.

Congratulations on the pregnancy!

FIRST - can you theoretically stay living where you are indefinitely - taking into account space, finances, commute, nursery/childcare location etc?

If so, then I would stick with the status quo. He moves in with his mother and the dog(s) now and uses it as a huge opportunity to save up some money with no rent/lower housing costs. He spends several nights a week at yours with you and the baby, paying for a dog sitter to cover from his new found extra cash, and also starts saving for childcare/house deposit etc.

How old is the younger dog? This will dictate the timeline of when you move in together.

Is he open to not/never having another dog after these ones? That will be a big indicator of your future compatibility

Protect your position. The early years of parenthood are very vulnerable financially with nursery costs and juggling work etc. You absolutely do not want to be moving in with him, breaking up and then having the added stress of moving out on top of everything else.

So, either he gets on board with living mostly apart for a few years while he has a dog, or he decides that he can’t do that and walks away. It will tell you the kind of man he is, and how invested he is in your future.

From what you’ve said I think your choices are being a single mother or having a termination , it doesn’t sound like this relationship has the proper foundation for having a baby anyway without the whole dog issue .

I sympathise OP, we have a retriever, gorgeous dog, beautiful temperament but the shedding is unbelievable. It's a full time job keeping on top of it so I would imagine with huskies there's a lot of fur. If it's unbearable to you and it obviously is, you need seperate houses.

Poor dogs.

I don't own a dog.
But I have friends and family who do and know its possible to have a home that doesn't smell of dog.
Hair is different. I would feel the same about cat hair too.

You clearly can’t move in together in that case!

It’s all well to say you should have thought of it, but you didn’t and you are wheee you are.

If would be ridiculous to still move in now you have these feelings though. Maybe see how you feel a couple of years further down the line.

This^
why did you not think about this before getting pregnant?

He will have to choose between living with his dogs or living with his child.

that's what i said.

good (subtle) point

Good for you , I’ve only read the OPs posts .

I don’t know why you persisted in a relationship with someone that has a dealbreaker over you living with them.

It sounds like you’re currently trying to use the baby as leverage. This man has pets, he has a responsibility towards them.

@fluffypillowspls I assume you are working? What's your current housing situation?

OP looks like you will have to do it alone. No way would I have a dog in my home, never mine near a newborn. And he will put his dogs before his baby. So that’s that then. I feel for you.

What a mess. What conctraception were you using that failed?

Why do you need to know this?

Ah OP I feel for you! I like dogs (although am not a dog owner) and continued to like them during pregnancy (all my family have dogs.) However as soon as I had a baby (for about 1 year postpartum each time) I could not stand to be around dogs. I felt like they were overstimulating, dirty, smelly and I desperately didnt want them in my house/ on my furniture. Even with my sisters very small, cute dog- I just didnt want my baby near her. I know it seems dramatic but I think it was largely hormonal and I really could not control it. As soon as kids got passed the year mark and I think my hormones calmed down I felt fine again. I do think very smelly dogs and an unclean house would be a huge no no for me though, pregnant or not! I would NOT be moving in with him at this stage.

You don't want to live with his dogs. Just live with your child and let him live with his dogs. Simple.

if he's going to be on the birth cert as father and pay support, he'll have the right to have the child at his house with the dogs? so as i said, its either a termination or no father to fund or support.

I think it was a subtle suggestion that the OP had been REALLY silly and had unprotected sex or was trying to leverage her boyfriend.

You’re having a baby with a man too lazy to look after his dogs. Well done you. Poor dogs!

Well if you don’t want to live with the dogs then don’t. But yes, you should really have thought all this through first..

Why? Do you think they’re offended because the OP doesn’t like how they smell and shed? Her partner appears to love them and take good care of them. He doesn’t have any intention of giving them up and the OP doesn’t expect him to. So not sure why anyone needs to feel sorry for them.

He is not called Phil from Leeds is he?