Pregnant, moving in together but I cannot stand his dogs

[fluffypillowspls]

I’m three months pregnant and currently do not live with my partner. Since becoming pregnant, I really cannot stand the smell of his dogs. I also really hate the fur everywhere.

One of these dogs is quite elderly and realistically won’t be around in spring next year when I am due. I think this is a really smelly one as he doesn’t take it to be groomed as they are so old.

His house at the moment really smells of dog and I decided as of last night that I’m not going to his house anymore. He can’t stay at mine because he has to go back to his to look after the dogs.

He has given notice on his flat and will be moving back to his mum’s for a few months to help her as she’s old with Health Issues. The plan for December January times was for him to rent a place for both of us. I really do want to live with him, and I know at that point of my pregnancy. I will really need him around and want him around. However, I cannot stand the thought of his stinky dogs being in the house and the fur everywhere.

The thought of having a child and having fur all over their baby clothes really stresses me out. When I go over to his house now I literally have to hold my nose and he does try his best to clean mop etc but on some occasions it is really strong smelling. He is his nose blind to this and doesn’t realise and I’m sure he thinks I’m exaggerating.

I am bothered by this so much that I actually wish I could turn back the clock and not get pregnant because he does come with the dogs as a package. Obviously, I can’t do that and I’m not going to terminate, especially at this point, but I just feel so stressed out and down about this.

I’m considering maybe we just don’t live together once we have the child so I don’t have to be around the dogs but when I broach this with him, he was offended and did not agree at all with the idea.

I can’t tell him not to keep his dogs and I wouldn’t say that because one he would resent me and two he had them first, but I just cannot see a world where I am happy with having these two dogs or even just one of them around.

He has said that when we get this place together, he can section off areas for the dog/s to be, But I still think the house is going to stink and the fur will still get everywhere. I want my baby to be able to crawl around and not have fur all over them.

I don’t even know what I want from this post, but has anyone been in this situation and has it got better? Or am I just doomed? Has anyone decided to live apart from their partner.

Because I have a strong feeling she will use them against him! This should have been thought through before getting pregnant.

Yes. She was looking for another reason to have a dig at the OP. Lovely people on here.

It was an accident. It happens. He is equally responsible if not more. Nowhere has OP said that he should get rid of the dogs. People just love to be nasty.

Agree entirely and I say that as a dog lover. I would get it in writing that the dogs have to be kept in specific locations and/or that he has to pay for someone to clean the house regularly / as frequently as needed.

Tell him he has to agree to take them to the groomers regularly.

I suspect the stench is due to him having not properly cleaned his place / washed carpets and furniture etc.

I would consider a trial joint living situation. So, ensure only he is on the tenancy (if renting) with a view to adding you later - and see how it goes. At the very least, I would have a backup plan for being able to swiftly leave.

He sounds like a lovely man. Caring for an elderly dog and planning on looking after his elderly mother too. I hope you find a resolution.

You do know you both had a choice in getting pregnant right? It seems a bit late in the day for this rather massive deal breaker on living together to come to you. He is committed to his pets and has a responsibility for them- perfectly valid. You don’t feel you can live with them- also perfectly valid. But it makes you completely incompatible as far as living together goes. I don’t see why neither of you thought this through better.
If you don’t think the older dog will be around when baby comes will the hair and smell situation be better with just one dog do you think? Is the other dog also elderly? You could live separately until such times as he has no dogs to care for, but how much time is he realistically going to be able to to spend with you and baby if he needs to be home with the dogs?
Perhaps you’ll be less affected by the smell when baby is born and you are less affected by pregnancy hormones.
So your options are continue to live separately and he sees you and baby when he can.
Or live together and insist he vacuums twice a day, manages the smell and dogs are not allowed in certain rooms.

woman do this constantly, even the not so lovely ones

I'd be worried as he's a shit ddog owner he'll be a rubbish df also

Did you miss the word "if" out of this sentence?

There's no real evidence in the OP of him being a shit dog owner.

I agree you can forget about him doing more than the minimum financially if you split but the minimum of a high earner may still be quite a lot of child maintenance. You'd manage with universal credit like everyone else has to, if you're not returning to work directly after maternity leave.

If you terminate the pregnancy it won't be because of dogs, it'll be because you don't want to be a single mother.

You need to speak to him about the future. If he's ok with not being a dog owner after the current ones die, then you've an end date for the dogginess, large breeds don't live beyond about 12 at the most and lots die sooner like 8-10. Small breeds live longer.

Is your dislike of the dogs a new thing with pregnancy or is it something that's always been there to this extent? Because you really don't sound like you could put up with being around them for potentially another decade, meaning the relationship will fail anyway, if this dislike isn't temporary for you. If your dislike is new or has worsened since pregnancy then perhaps you'll feel differently after a while, no guarantees though.

Pet ownership is a lifestyle choice for many, not a hobby, the pets are a part of the family and the keeping of them is a part of the owners identity. So if that's how it is for him, this could be a fundamental difference of opinion between you which can never be resolved, because there's no half-owning a pet and even if there was, neither of you would be happy.

You need to figure all this out with him so you can see whether you're going to be a single mother or not, then you can decide how you feel about that if you are and make a decision to terminate the pregnancy or not, knowing all the facts of your situation.

I’d be putting off living with him, because I suspect the baby would be easier to deal with than those dogs.

The only way she could go NC with the father of her child is if he didn't know she was pregnant and she broke up with him and never told him he had a child. It's too late for that, he already knows. Plus she doesn't want to be a single mother. Otherwise, if he wants to be a father then since it's his child and he's done nothing wrong (like being a child abuser etc) then she couldn't stop him having contact time with the child if he wants that. She could terminate without his permission, that part is totally up to her.

This ^

I had fostered 2 cats and I couldnt stand the smell of them during pregnancy, it made me heave, I had to shut them in a part of the house I wouldnt get to so they could go outside etc but I wouldn't need to have them with me. Eventually had to put them up for adoption.

Your smell is heightened and will make you avoid anything that may be perceived as danger.

If you decided to terminate it wouldn't be because of a pair of dogs.

It'd be because you don't have a secure, established relationship and family life to bring a child into.

You sound so passive as it getting pregnant was inevitable.

Don't abort over an elderly dog who won't be around much longer.

She meant he isn’t moving in with his mum to have a cleaner and a chef. His mum is ill.

OP I think you should look into moving into a bigger place where it will be easier to keep the dogs separate from the child. And get a cleaner, and get him to make sure the dogs are groomed and looked after so they don’t smell as bad. I don’t think it’s fair on your baby to grow up away from its dad if he’s otherwise a good guy.

Don’t see how I’m being nasty !

Is he unable to bath the dogs himself? They should be bathed regularly anyway.

How did you manage to make him the bad guy here when there is nothing in tge post that says he did anything wrong at all? Dogs smell no matter what, did sge not see the dogs before getting pregnant?

Nope,this is not how ot works. You don't give up a dog at the end of their life because you have a child. This is disgusting and unethical. Pets are family for many of us not a Christmas gift you can just chuck away when no longer convenient.

Could you live... like next door to each other?

The new place might not smell as bad if the dogs start getting regularly groomed and there won’t be hair everywhere if they get deshedding treatments with the groom. Plus, pregnancy will be heightening your sense of smell. I had to get my DH to change his deodorant 3 times when I was pregnant.

You’re incompatible as a couple. You can’t expect him to get rid of his dogs, he’d resent you forever. Also, if he is a dog lover then he’ll likely want more dogs once the current ones have passed away. I love dogs and wouldn’t give up owning them because of a partner, but luckily my DH and I both love them. It sounds like you just dislike these dogs in general, hence the incompatibility.

Well, tell him to get them flaming groomed and maybe they'll smell a bit sweeter. There isn't an age at which it's okay to neglect a dog.

These sort of threads are like the "shoes on/off" threads.

Dog owners claim that their dogs don't smell, non doggy people claim they do. I have a firm view on this which will be disagreed with by one side of the argument!

So I think that there is never going to a happy medium here unless they live apart until his dogs pass and then he agrees to never get another dog. Or @fluffypillowspls agrees for them to become a dog house.